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It feels like life is going against me watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter

    I am not superstitious (maybe a little stitious..), I'm agnostic, but I just can't find an explanation..

    Take last night for example, first night of a long week of going out.

    I went to my friends house (friend from school but his student accommodation) before going out, went out with them, didn't get in because we were late, ended up waiting around the town with a friend to see where the guy was because we had no way into the house.
    Got in around 10:30, left at 2:00am thinking he was probably home at that point.

    We had to hop a 2 storey fence and wall to get in, hid from security, went to the house and no answer..
    Short story is he went to a house party and basically passed out.

    Me and my friend were stuck out until 8am waiting in a shed while it was either snowing or raining out, I went and got a bus home to my parents house at 8.. without my bag and everything in it.

    This is after convincing myself that I need to be positive and give it a try, that I can't just be depressed and lay in bed all day, so I pushed myself to go out and try to have a good night.

    I spent last year of college being a camera man for my 'friends', I wasn't even a part of the group, they had a group chat with me and one that they used without me.
    I wasn't invited out, I wasn't included.

    I hate my college course but I'am half way through, and failing.

    I tried to ring one of the guys last night to ask what to do, should I walk the 45 minutes to their house in the pissing rain or what, and he was just basically being a drunk d1ck saying 'did you try knocking on the door, it might help'..

    I'm tried of fighting every step, it's not worth it, I thought it might be depression but it's just that nothing good ever happens, it's like something *****y happens and you think 'ok, it'll get better' and maybe it does for the 5 minutes of laughter but something comes along again that just kicks out back down, I am as miserable as I've ever been.
    It's not normal for a 20 year old guy to be crying because there's never any light, it's just **** and slightly less **** but it's perpetual and draining, it makes me feel like it's not worth living when all I can look forward to is another couple of minutes of feeling normal and ok and not like I'm about to be side swiped by a truck at any minute.

    What should I do?
    • Community Assistant

    Community Assistant
    You should talk to your GP about this, maybe CBT would help.
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