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Literally fed up of constant rejection watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I went out with a lovely guy who loved me, from 2009-2012, but since then, I believe I have not been loved by anyone or met anyone who genuinely wants to be with me, and it has started to drive me to an extreme depression.

    I am a 26 year-old girl, a teacher, I have hobbies, I've lived in a couple of different countries, I speak several languages, I have a group of friends, I give to charity ,I give blood, I'm educated. I don't see myself as incredibly beautiful nor unattractive. However, all of the guys I've been into have commented on how they find me extremely attractive/pretty/great body etc. but just see me as a good friend.

    I have met at least 5 guys who just wanted to be FWB but 'didn't feel the connection' 'saw me as a good friend' 'weren't in the right mindset for a relationship' or whatever other ******** they could come out with.

    The thing is, without wanting to sound arrogant none of these guys were out of my league or anything like that; when I had told other people I liked them, they even asked me what I saw in them as they weren't particularly attractive ,and these guys even told me themselves that they thought I was too good for them. They all said oh you're such a nice girl, you're funny, kind, interesting intelligent etc. but I just see you as a good friend. (Yet they wanted sex)

    My last ex was abusive and a cheat and would tell me daily tha I was boring, had no passions, nothing going for me, I was a parasite etc.

    I met a guy on Tinder (not the best place I know) and he fooled me into believing he liked me. Then when we had sex, when it finished he literally got up and went 'Right I'm going now' and told me about his 'emotional convreations' with his ex-girlfriend; later admitting he was still in love with her.

    When I go out I never, ever get approached or chatted up by guys my age. Only by older, drunken men or the like. I don't have many male friends and I think that none of them are into me; one of them I know was physically attracted but I don't think he had any feelings.

    I cannot think of a single person who might like me. I don't have sex on the first date, but I don't wait months either. However, maybe I shold be waiting longer.

    I don't understand why guys became so fussy. I tend to get attached quite easily and maybe it comes across a little (but I don't come across as completely psychotic either), but the thing is they are still happy to want to have sex/talk to me etc.. if they thought I was crazy they would probably run a mile no?

    I feel so unwanted and undesirable. I think I have things going for me and things to offer; I cannot understand why no guy wants to date me. Maybe it's the age group, but I also know many guys in their 20s who are in relationships or married.

    Sorry for the long post, but I'm just so fed-up. I feel like it is so damn hard and it's not that I really need to have a boyfriend, I am just so frustrated by the same story every time and have no idea what I am doing wrong. Thank you
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I had a lot more attention from men 10 years ago when I was 16. It sounds silly but I had very long hair then ( It is now in a crop ) and I wonder if this puts men off. People tell me that I'm prettier with short hair and that I really suit it etc.and the guys I've met all said they found me very attractive. I am in good shape and I am a kind person.. obviously I am not perfect but nobody is.. I feel like men have such incredibly high standards and that they are put off by the slightest thing these days. It sounds dramatic but sometimes I question what I did in a past life to deserve all of this
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    ...
    All these scenarios, believe it or not, have less to do with you and more about them. They are Mr. Unavailables, and yes, there are plenty of them. Simply don't play their games or give them the time of day.

    But more importantly, don't let rejection knock your self-esteem or drive you into depression. If you have the mindset that all guys are the same, then it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. I do believe that negativity has a way of attracting negative/wrong people into our lives.
    If you love yourself unconditionally then rejection has less of an impact on you and before you know it, because of your self-confidence the right guy will just turn up when you least expect it.
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    You will find someone
    Just don't be easy with guys and don't take the D if you know the relationship ain't gonna anywhere
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    You don't sound boring, I'd like to be a teacher and learn lots of languages (I'm currently learning Spanish which I can speak fairly well and then Russian and German which I have just started) and intelligence is pretty important for me because intelligent people are very interesting and I love interesting people. So I don't think it's impossible for you to find a guy.
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I went out with a lovely guy who loved me, from 2009-2012, but since then, I believe I have not been loved by anyone or met anyone who genuinely wants to be with me, and it has started to drive me to an extreme depression.

    I am a 26 year-old girl, a teacher, I have hobbies, I've lived in a couple of different countries, I speak several languages, I have a group of friends, I give to charity ,I give blood, I'm educated. I don't see myself as incredibly beautiful nor unattractive. However, all of the guys I've been into have commented on how they find me extremely attractive/pretty/great body etc. but just see me as a good friend.

    I have met at least 5 guys who just wanted to be FWB but 'didn't feel the connection' 'saw me as a good friend' 'weren't in the right mindset for a relationship' or whatever other ******** they could come out with.

    The thing is, without wanting to sound arrogant none of these guys were out of my league or anything like that; when I had told other people I liked them, they even asked me what I saw in them as they weren't particularly attractive ,and these guys even told me themselves that they thought I was too good for them. They all said oh you're such a nice girl, you're funny, kind, interesting intelligent etc. but I just see you as a good friend. (Yet they wanted sex)

    My last ex was abusive and a cheat and would tell me daily tha I was boring, had no passions, nothing going for me, I was a parasite etc.

    I met a guy on Tinder (not the best place I know) and he fooled me into believing he liked me. Then when we had sex, when it finished he literally got up and went 'Right I'm going now' and told me about his 'emotional convreations' with his ex-girlfriend; later admitting he was still in love with her.

    When I go out I never, ever get approached or chatted up by guys my age. Only by older, drunken men or the like. I don't have many male friends and I think that none of them are into me; one of them I know was physically attracted but I don't think he had any feelings.

    I cannot think of a single person who might like me. I don't have sex on the first date, but I don't wait months either. However, maybe I shold be waiting longer.

    I don't understand why guys became so fussy. I tend to get attached quite easily and maybe it comes across a little (but I don't come across as completely psychotic either), but the thing is they are still happy to want to have sex/talk to me etc.. if they thought I was crazy they would probably run a mile no?

    I feel so unwanted and undesirable. I think I have things going for me and things to offer; I cannot understand why no guy wants to date me. Maybe it's the age group, but I also know many guys in their 20s who are in relationships or married.

    Sorry for the long post, but I'm just so fed-up. I feel like it is so damn hard and it's not that I really need to have a boyfriend, I am just so frustrated by the same story every time and have no idea what I am doing wrong. Thank you
    To me it sounds like you are looking in the wrong places. I don't know where you met your ex, but your recent Tinder activity? Really? That's for hookups, girl!

    You need to find gatherings of sorts where people like YOU are there. How? I don't know. I don't know anything about your specific circumstances and cannot advise you in that regard, but if it is such a huge problem (and you really have tried everywhere) then perhaps consider moving? Extreme, I know, but you'll obviously have a better chance in crowded cities where you can meet all sorts of people.

    I honestly think that's the solution here. Feel free to reply. All the best
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I went out with a lovely guy who loved me, from 2009-2012, but since then, I believe I have not been loved by anyone or met anyone who genuinely wants to be with me, and it has started to drive me to an extreme depression.

    I am a 26 year-old girl, a teacher, I have hobbies, I've lived in a couple of different countries, I speak several languages, I have a group of friends, I give to charity ,I give blood, I'm educated. I don't see myself as incredibly beautiful nor unattractive. However, all of the guys I've been into have commented on how they find me extremely attractive/pretty/great body etc. but just see me as a good friend.

    I have met at least 5 guys who just wanted to be FWB but 'didn't feel the connection' 'saw me as a good friend' 'weren't in the right mindset for a relationship' or whatever other ******** they could come out with.

    The thing is, without wanting to sound arrogant none of these guys were out of my league or anything like that; when I had told other people I liked them, they even asked me what I saw in them as they weren't particularly attractive ,and these guys even told me themselves that they thought I was too good for them. They all said oh you're such a nice girl, you're funny, kind, interesting intelligent etc. but I just see you as a good friend. (Yet they wanted sex)

    My last ex was abusive and a cheat and would tell me daily tha I was boring, had no passions, nothing going for me, I was a parasite etc.

    I met a guy on Tinder (not the best place I know) and he fooled me into believing he liked me. Then when we had sex, when it finished he literally got up and went 'Right I'm going now' and told me about his 'emotional convreations' with his ex-girlfriend; later admitting he was still in love with her.

    When I go out I never, ever get approached or chatted up by guys my age. Only by older, drunken men or the like. I don't have many male friends and I think that none of them are into me; one of them I know was physically attracted but I don't think he had any feelings.

    I cannot think of a single person who might like me. I don't have sex on the first date, but I don't wait months either. However, maybe I shold be waiting longer.

    I don't understand why guys became so fussy. I tend to get attached quite easily and maybe it comes across a little (but I don't come across as completely psychotic either), but the thing is they are still happy to want to have sex/talk to me etc.. if they thought I was crazy they would probably run a mile no?

    I feel so unwanted and undesirable. I think I have things going for me and things to offer; I cannot understand why no guy wants to date me. Maybe it's the age group, but I also know many guys in their 20s who are in relationships or married.

    Sorry for the long post, but I'm just so fed-up. I feel like it is so damn hard and it's not that I really need to have a boyfriend, I am just so frustrated by the same story every time and have no idea what I am doing wrong. Thank you
    Hey,

    You don't need a boyfriend, you just want one. Feel free to private message me and we can talk. No-one deserves to feel alone or unwanted.
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    OP, I feel for you. You don't deserve this.

    Let's be positive. What can we do to help you become more conent?

    1 Your happiness should never depend on whether you're in a relationship or not. Life is so wonderful in so many ways. Take a few minutes to think about what's really good in your life right now. And how you've got where you are today, career wise through a lot of dedication. Well done! You're making a success of your life so far.

    2 Recruitment. Sounds like you could do some work on this one. Don't recruit abusive cheat types. Thinking back on your abusive relationship, how soon after meeting him were the warning signs or obvious evidence that he was abusive? Pretty early on? In future, dump anyone as soon as you get any abusive vibes.
    Also most 26 year old men are not ready for comittment. If you want a long term relationship you will need either a special 26 year old, or someone that's older and more mature.


    3 Sex. The power of it. If men are keen on you till they've had sex with you and then seem to go off you, then that's a sign that you could be a lot better in bed.


    Apart from that it sounds like you're doing everything right. Your current situation may well be down to a run of bad luck. But in life we have the potential to make our own luck...
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Sorry about the late reply, been away , but thank you so much for all this advice I really appreciate it
    • #3
    #3

    Talking from a gay male perspective, I have had similar experiences to you.

    I have had a lot of initial interest from guys, but then get told they see me as a good friend, they are not ready for a relationship, the spark/chemistry just isnt there etc etc etc.

    I have certainly had it on more than one occasion where a guy has been all over me and gotten me into bed, and then cut ties with me afterwards. It is hurtful as **** I know the feeling! Often it is just them, and it is not us. They get scared and they run away. Or something just didn't feel right. And looking back, some of the guys who did get rid of me after sex, I actually felt no chemistry with but I did not want to be alone so I went along with it anyway. It happens to everyone where we thought we were attracted to someone but we realise we don't actually have any sexual chemistry.

    I also think this problem is much more common than we think. Many people of our generation don't want commitment, or they are looking for this magical spark to happen after a few dates which simply is not reality. Or they don't want to be tied down because they want to see what is out there. Also, a big part of the problem is probably the fact that you are nice! Nice people get treated like **** in the dating world because we don't put up a chase!

    My advice- Maybe wait a bit longer before sleeping with a guy. Like let him take you on a date first, kiss him first, see how the kiss feels. And maybe play a bit harder to get? Other than that, just keep doing you. I know you have heard this 100 times, but Mr Right will come along
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Thanks a lot for your reply and understanding !

    I am really sorry to hear you've been through the same experiences, it does suck I agree with what you're saying about being too nice; I feel like it's all about games, being hard to get etc.. but if that's not the way you are then it's hard to try and be something you aren't !
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    You sound really familiar for some reason
    • #4
    #4

    (Original post by jsk800)
    You sound really familiar for some reason
    Yes, I am that one person...
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yes, I am that one person...
    What do you mean one person? Do I know you?
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