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I have problems in being successful in life, but feel trapped as its my personality watch

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    Im female, in my 30’s now and find it hard to get through life both socially and in the workplace. People will say that I have no confidence and am being extreme but theres a reasonbehind it. Something to do with my personality but Im not sure what. Ive always been very quiet, passive and have found it difficult to make friends due to lack of social skills particularly when younger, it took me until about age 23 for me to initiate conversations. I severely lack assertiveness. Im very introverted and have always preferred quiet environments over loudness. I dont know why I just never thought to do it. As a result Ive never had many friends. Ive had the odd few who ive been close to but in general people have not really felt able to warm to me so they have tended to banter and be informal with other people and speak more formally to me. Ive noticed for years that people tend to treat me ‘normally’ initially, upon first meeting but then have either started ignoring me or when in a group have tended to make eye contact with others but not me, despite me putting in the effort.

    Even my family have tended to refer to me in the third person ie they will ask each other questions about me while im right there. I think its because Im quiet and they just dont take me seriously. I like to make people laugh but my fault is its usually its at the expense of myself ie not knowing how to style my hair, doing dopy things which I naturally do but ive had a bad habit of exaggerating this behave just to make people laugh in order to connect with them. I think it allows me to have some kind of identity as being funny and allows people to warm to me but the downside is people take me even more less seriously and perhaps feel sorry for me if they are nice people or disrespect me if they are nasty.

    I think throughout life I just accepted that i wasnt great with people and prided myself on being physically fit. I tended to beat people in sports etc and had physical strength (despite being 5ft) so I kind of used this to boost my self esteem and ignored inability to fit in. The older I got though the harder it was to do this as life is all about social skills and acting.

    Ive been to 2 different uni’s one to study nursing and another to study OT (i changed my mind) and havent had a close group of friends to hang around with despite me trying. Anyway a woman who knew me from a sports club,who i thought kind of liked me, told me that if she went on a ward and i was there that she would walk back out. The same woman told one of the instructors not to ask me about blood pressure as I wouldnt know, apparantly he was going to ask me. Staff on nursing wards have said to others that they cant imagine me being a nurse or running a ward as im so quiet. Apparantly my knowledge is good and some even say i have good communication but they say its my confidence that is lacking. Ive had nurse assistants rolling their eyes and talking about me they just dont respect me because im bad at things like delegating duties. Some patients have called me a bit of a kid despite my age.

    I struggle at job interviews and barely get the job (even if Ive worked with the people before) but the only feedback I get is ‘your interview was good its just there was a lot of applicants and others scored higher’. I went for an interview last week (which involved a day of practical exams/observations) for a newly qualified OT, they were taking several people on. I spent several days researching yet get the job. All the others on my course who applied did. One got the position and the others were put on a waiting list for when a job comes up. So I must have done fairly badly yet the only feedback I got was ‘ you did good just others scored higher’. They said that i didnt mention something about a walking stick but the others said that they forgot this too. It just seems that they arnt being honest with me. Ive seen counsellers in the past and they have said i focus too much on negatives and its impacting my confidence. I feel that my low confidence is justified though i mean im not talking about beliefs im talking about what others have said. My mum has always said its my personality that i come across as a timid little girl rather than a grown adult. She said it again yesterday and it feels like a knife being driven i to me as it confirms my insecurities.

    Ive never been able to act normal. I only got a bf when i was in my late twenties he was a lot older than me and basically told me im like a 12 - 17 year old in how i come across. At first I thought he was just criticising but my mum thinks the same thing. I think at my age its too late to change, the older I get the more i realise that I’l struggle at having a qualified job and be unsuccessful in life. Ive just not got the chit chat skills, fighting assertiveness or charasma to work my way up in anything. Over the past few years ive thought that maybe my problems are just low confidence but now im thinking its a deep set personality thing. I think I did ok at the interview but the fact that all my peers got on but not me just reinforces that something is wrong with me. Ive no idea. I suppose i just wanted to get this off my chest and maybe get advice too. Sorry for the long post : /
    • #2

    Its a long post I know that
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