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Sixth Form College and, Once Again, a Lack of Friends watch

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    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Hi!

    So I've been debating on whether to make this post - or anything like it - for a little bit but have just decided to go for it and see what responses I get.

    Starting with a little bit about me I guess, or at least stuff that's relevant for this post:
    - I haven't had much luck with friends.
    - I'm painfully 'shy', I guess you could say. I'm a bit antisocial and unless I feel comfortable around people, I'll usually avoid talking to them.
    - The friends I have had, I never seem to have much in common with.
    - My 3 only "real" (more on that later) friends either don't go to the same school as me or don't even live in the same country.

    Let's start with the first term at college/sixth form/whatever you want to call it, so back in September through to Christmas of last year (2017). As expected with anyone going to any new school, things were a bit slow starting. But I was okay. I had people I could talk to and spend lunch or my frees with. I had one or two friends that I would spend as many lunches as I could with, and I was becoming rather good friends with one of them (hereby known as EB so I can keep track of people). It had seemed that EB and I had a few common interests (or at least, we could hold a conversation for at least an hour - quite a feat for myself). Finally, I thought: the friend I had been looking for, and up until the lead-up to exams in Year 11, had struggled to find in high school until I found my wonderful small group of friends who I now miss more than I'd care to admit.

    But: that all changed after Christmas 2017, when we came back to school in January 2018, just over a month ago. All of a sudden, EB had gone cold on me. Started ignoring my texts and calls. Started not wanting to have a conversation with me or spend lunch with me. In previous situations, usually I would have done something and not realised it until later, but this time, I assure you: I have done nothing. Right up until the bell rung on the last day of school before Christmas, we were fine. Good friends.
    I sent EB 3 texts over the Christmas break, only to receive a reply from 1 or 2 of them. They were (roughly):
    "Hey! Hope you have a good Christmas hols." (The first day of Christmas holiday)
    "Merry Christmas! Hope you have a nice day!" (Christmas Day)
    "Ugh... I don't wanna go back to school tomorrow." (The day before we went back to school).

    Having spoke to my Mum about all of this, she reckons that she may have started to act differently around me because she had just gotten a job a few weeks before Christmas, and that 'people tend to change when they get jobs' and that they feel as though they might be 'more mature' (or something along the lines of that; basically that getting a job had made her cut me out of her life completely.)

    To this day, I'm still unsure. Would her getting a job really change her that much? I just don't know what to do about it. Mum's said not to talk to her again and not send her any more messages, but honestly I just want to know what her problem is/why she's cut me out. I don't want to seem like a lost puppy or someone who's desperate to have her back in my life - I just want to know why I was abandoned.

    Now, my lunches/school life pretty much sucks. I'm only in school for 2 lunches a week now (I'm off on Mondays anyway as I have all frees that day) and now no longer come in to school Thursday morning because I don't want to spend my free alone (EB used to spend her free with me, until she started spending them with other people*).

    *Her spending time with other people is fine. What isn't, is her ignoring all my messages about it and pretty much just dropping me.

    Those 2 lunches a week in school are significant: I spend both of those lunches alone in the LRC or sat with people like a third wheel, simply to have people to sit with. Do I mind having some alone time to just chill out, maybe catch up with some Netflix on my phone during lunch? No. Would I prefer to have someone to sit with and talk at lunch, like I did with EB? Yes. Of course. I miss that. I miss having a "proper" friend.

    Going back to the friends bit I was talking about earlier: I have 3 friends. 3 real friends. But lo and behold, none of them go to my school, and one doesn't even live in the same country as me (I met her on Tumblr 4 years ago this July).

    I walk to school with a girl I went to primary school with, and back in the day we got along wonderfully. But now, we're completely different. She's your "typical girl" - likes boys, makeup, clothes, the lot. I, on the other hand, don't. Not into boys, not really into clothes, and only wear a tiny bit of concealer to shoddily attempt to hide the dark circley parts under my eyes. We have no common interests. I only reckon we're still 'friends' and can hold a conversation together because we've known each other for so long. She's a really nice girl, but we just don't have anything in common. I've tried sitting with her and her friends at lunch (one of whom I'm surprised even knows my name and the other I've talked to on numerous occasions who only ever asks me if we have homework, because apparently that's all I'm good for. Both equally nice girls, but again, NOTHING in common with them. I just sit around like a spare part and end up going to sit by myself.)

    There's a club that I could go to - the sci-fi and fantasy club - that's on during Wednesday lunches. I've never been before, and I'll have to see when the next session is. Mum reckons I might find some likeminded people there that I could make friends with. Hoping that will be my saving grace, because if I can't find friends there, then I may as well just start thinking of college/school as "just a place where lessons happen". Because at the moment (having not yet attended the club, but I'll try to after half term), that's what its about to become.

    Not only for me am I going to try to attend the club, but so Mum doesn't end up being one of "those" Mums, like she was in high school, constantly sending emails about this, that and the other. Apologies if I sound like I'm complaining - I'm not, 100%. I love my Mum for that. But I just don't want to feel like one of those kids, you know what I mean? I don't want for her to have to step in this time, although I get the feeling she'll have to in the end :/

    Sorry this post has just been a load of waffle and hasn't really lead anywhere. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm tired of coming home not really liking school and feeling like I have no friends. I had enough of that in high school until I met my group of friends at the very last minute. I just can't help but feel as though EB ruined everything for me. If she had stuck around, I feel as though things would be a lot better. I might even have had a chance to make friends with some of her friends (she has a large group of friends from her high school that she always spends lunch with), but I can't because she'll be there.

    Any comments or ideas on what to do would be appreciated I don't really know what I expect to get out from posting this, but at this point I'm open to anything.
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    Just be yourself, I was in this position a few months ago and it was really killing me. But you will only be there for 2 years and that's it.
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi!

    So I've been debating on whether to make this post - or anything like it - for a little bit but have just decided to go for it and see what responses I get.

    Starting with a little bit about me I guess, or at least stuff that's relevant for this post:
    - I haven't had much luck with friends.
    - I'm painfully 'shy', I guess you could say. I'm a bit antisocial and unless I feel comfortable around people, I'll usually avoid talking to them.
    - The friends I have had, I never seem to have much in common with.
    - My 3 only "real" (more on that later) friends either don't go to the same school as me or don't even live in the same country.

    Let's start with the first term at college/sixth form/whatever you want to call it, so back in September through to Christmas of last year (2017). As expected with anyone going to any new school, things were a bit slow starting. But I was okay. I had people I could talk to and spend lunch or my frees with. I had one or two friends that I would spend as many lunches as I could with, and I was becoming rather good friends with one of them (hereby known as EB so I can keep track of people). It had seemed that EB and I had a few common interests (or at least, we could hold a conversation for at least an hour - quite a feat for myself). Finally, I thought: the friend I had been looking for, and up until the lead-up to exams in Year 11, had struggled to find in high school until I found my wonderful small group of friends who I now miss more than I'd care to admit.

    But: that all changed after Christmas 2017, when we came back to school in January 2018, just over a month ago. All of a sudden, EB had gone cold on me. Started ignoring my texts and calls. Started not wanting to have a conversation with me or spend lunch with me. In previous situations, usually I would have done something and not realised it until later, but this time, I assure you: I have done nothing. Right up until the bell rung on the last day of school before Christmas, we were fine. Good friends.
    I sent EB 3 texts over the Christmas break, only to receive a reply from 1 or 2 of them. They were (roughly):
    "Hey! Hope you have a good Christmas hols." (The first day of Christmas holiday)
    "Merry Christmas! Hope you have a nice day!" (Christmas Day)
    "Ugh... I don't wanna go back to school tomorrow." (The day before we went back to school).

    Having spoke to my Mum about all of this, she reckons that she may have started to act differently around me because she had just gotten a job a few weeks before Christmas, and that 'people tend to change when they get jobs' and that they feel as though they might be 'more mature' (or something along the lines of that; basically that getting a job had made her cut me out of her life completely.)

    To this day, I'm still unsure. Would her getting a job really change her that much? I just don't know what to do about it. Mum's said not to talk to her again and not send her any more messages, but honestly I just want to know what her problem is/why she's cut me out. I don't want to seem like a lost puppy or someone who's desperate to have her back in my life - I just want to know why I was abandoned.

    Now, my lunches/school life pretty much sucks. I'm only in school for 2 lunches a week now (I'm off on Mondays anyway as I have all frees that day) and now no longer come in to school Thursday morning because I don't want to spend my free alone (EB used to spend her free with me, until she started spending them with other people*).

    *Her spending time with other people is fine. What isn't, is her ignoring all my messages about it and pretty much just dropping me.

    Those 2 lunches a week in school are significant: I spend both of those lunches alone in the LRC or sat with people like a third wheel, simply to have people to sit with. Do I mind having some alone time to just chill out, maybe catch up with some Netflix on my phone during lunch? No. Would I prefer to have someone to sit with and talk at lunch, like I did with EB? Yes. Of course. I miss that. I miss having a "proper" friend.

    Going back to the friends bit I was talking about earlier: I have 3 friends. 3 real friends. But lo and behold, none of them go to my school, and one doesn't even live in the same country as me (I met her on Tumblr 4 years ago this July).

    I walk to school with a girl I went to primary school with, and back in the day we got along wonderfully. But now, we're completely different. She's your "typical girl" - likes boys, makeup, clothes, the lot. I, on the other hand, don't. Not into boys, not really into clothes, and only wear a tiny bit of concealer to shoddily attempt to hide the dark circley parts under my eyes. We have no common interests. I only reckon we're still 'friends' and can hold a conversation together because we've known each other for so long. She's a really nice girl, but we just don't have anything in common. I've tried sitting with her and her friends at lunch (one of whom I'm surprised even knows my name and the other I've talked to on numerous occasions who only ever asks me if we have homework, because apparently that's all I'm good for. Both equally nice girls, but again, NOTHING in common with them. I just sit around like a spare part and end up going to sit by myself.)

    There's a club that I could go to - the sci-fi and fantasy club - that's on during Wednesday lunches. I've never been before, and I'll have to see when the next session is. Mum reckons I might find some likeminded people there that I could make friends with. Hoping that will be my saving grace, because if I can't find friends there, then I may as well just start thinking of college/school as "just a place where lessons happen". Because at the moment (having not yet attended the club, but I'll try to after half term), that's what its about to become.

    Not only for me am I going to try to attend the club, but so Mum doesn't end up being one of "those" Mums, like she was in high school, constantly sending emails about this, that and the other. Apologies if I sound like I'm complaining - I'm not, 100%. I love my Mum for that. But I just don't want to feel like one of those kids, you know what I mean? I don't want for her to have to step in this time, although I get the feeling she'll have to in the end :/

    Sorry this post has just been a load of waffle and hasn't really lead anywhere. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm tired of coming home not really liking school and feeling like I have no friends. I had enough of that in high school until I met my group of friends at the very last minute. I just can't help but feel as though EB ruined everything for me. If she had stuck around, I feel as though things would be a lot better. I might even have had a chance to make friends with some of her friends (she has a large group of friends from her high school that she always spends lunch with), but I can't because she'll be there.

    Any comments or ideas on what to do would be appreciated I don't really know what I expect to get out from posting this, but at this point I'm open to anything.
    I'm exactly the same as you - this could literally describe me (except i'm now year 13). I'm still in a similar position, but what i'd really recommend is getting involved in stuff - clubs, sport etc to do something at lunch. Also, would you be willing to talk to someone at school about it? My school's been very helpful and have made several concessions for situations I don't feel comfortable in

    I hope everything gets better for you soon
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    You only have about 16 months of it left, which is approximately 1.7% of a typical lifetime.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm exactly the same as you - this could literally describe me (except i'm now year 13). I'm still in a similar position, but what i'd really recommend is getting involved in stuff - clubs, sport etc to do something at lunch. Also, would you be willing to talk to someone at school about it? My school's been very helpful and have made several concessions for situations I don't feel comfortable in

    I hope everything gets better for you soon
    Thanks for the tips As I said in the original post, I'm gonna try and join the sci-fi/fantasy club - that's really the only one that my school has that I would enjoy going to. Not into sports so that's not really an option (although it would be a good idea for someone else, I'm sure). I don't think I'd feel comfortable broaching the subject myself in person but if I continue to feel the way I do for much longer, I may have to talk to a teacher or ask mum to step in, and see if there's anything she or my teachers can do.
 
 
 
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