I recently ended my first relationship and the more I look back on it, I think there might have been instances of sexual assault. I'm sorry for the long post but I have a lot of questions because I am not sure if I want to report him.
First incident: He had put his tip in before but I still considered myself a virgin because my hymen hadn't been broken. One night, he began fisting me, then put his tip in again. I told him not to go all the way in because I wasn't ready. When we finished he told me he went all the way in. He told me he had broken the hymen when he was fisting me because there was blood, but he said didn’t tell me because he thought I would tell him to stop. In one of his text messages, he said “but what’ really the difference of an inch? That’s difficult for me to control fully.” Is it wrong that I was angry at him for not telling me until we were done?
Second: One morning, he wanted to have sex but I told him “no” before he even started. We ended up having sex and I told him “stop,” “please stop,” “ouch, that hurts” multiple times and I tried to push away from him because it hurt so badly. It was most painful sex I had ever had and it took numerous times for him to actually listen to me and stop. In text messages, he said he didn't *** and that he stopped after i had said stop "3 or 4 times." Would this be considered rape even though he stopped after I had told him numerous times?
Third: One night in the dorm, I just wanted to lie next to him and cuddle because his roommate was in the room. He tried to touch me and I kept telling no. He eventually stopped. I then feel asleep and woke up to him moving his penis in between my legs. Is this assault because I don't know if he knew I was asleep.
Many times I would tell him “no,” I didn't want to have sex but I would be persuaded or guilted into it. He would beg me to do sexual favors. In many cases, I did sexual favors because I felt I had no other choice. To me, it was obvious that I did not want to have sex, but I'm worried it was my fault because I wasn't assertive enough in telling him no.
When he would kiss me, he would put his hands in my pants. I would tell him to stop, but he would always say “why? it feels good” and keep doing it. In his mind, I was his girlfriend and he could touch me whenever and wherever he wanted. Was it wrong that he would always start fingering me?
My main concern is that I wasn't assertive enough and everything was just a lack of communication. Is this my fault or did he actually sexually assault/abuse me?
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He is a nasty and abusive boy and you need to report him to the police. I would also recommend you go to your doctors and try and arrange some kind of counselling.
Nothing is your fault. The fact he stopped after he heard you say it 3-4 times means he heard you say stop once and still carried on- that is rape.
All of what you have described is sexual abuse by him.
Please please go to the police, and have nothing to do with him ever again. Get in touch with rape crisis https://rapecrisis.org.uk who may be able to offer you more specialised advice and services. Please don’t keep this in because it will affect future relationships, and relationships are capable of being secure and loving and respectful. You don’t deserve to let this creep take that away from you