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Confused about my sexuality after break-up watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Hey guys,

    I'll try not to make this post too long, but can't promise anything. Just want to get these feelings out really.

    I'm a female, and I've recently (well 4 months ago) been broken up with. I was with my ex-girlfriend for over 3 years, and I'm not dealing with the break up well - feeling extremely down and lonely.

    This girl was my first girlfriend, I came out when we got together, but everybody labelled us as lesbians just because of our same-sex relationship. I've always been more attracted to girls than guys, but since the break-up I've been feeling more like I want to meet guys/kiss guys/whatever else with guys.

    I'm not sure if this is because I can't face being with another girl because I'm not over my ex yet (but still needing to feel love/affection), if it's because of my issues with men (baso daddy issues, attachment issues and the likes) and need for love/affection/attention and that guys are usually most available.

    All my friends see me as gay, and I've identified as gay for such a long time that it makes me feel very anxious that I might actually be bisexual. I can't figure out whether I am bisexual, or whether wanting affection from guys is only related to my loneliness and other issues, as I don't think I'm attracted to them in the same way as I am girls, and I can't see myself settling with a guy but then I can't see that with anyone right now.

    I know it shouldn't matter. I've always said love is love and you never know who you'll meet and what will happen, but these feelings are really getting me down.

    Not sure what I really want to get from posting this, so thanks if you read. Any advice or support would be lovely.
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hey guys,

    I'll try not to make this post too long, but can't promise anything. Just want to get these feelings out really.

    I'm a female, and I've recently (well 4 months ago) been broken up with. I was with my ex-girlfriend for over 3 years, and I'm not dealing with the break up well - feeling extremely down and lonely.

    This girl was my first girlfriend, I came out when we got together, but everybody labelled us as lesbians just because of our same-sex relationship. I've always been more attracted to girls than guys, but since the break-up I've been feeling more like I want to meet guys/kiss guys/whatever else with guys.

    I'm not sure if this is because I can't face being with another girl because I'm not over my ex yet (but still needing to feel love/affection), if it's because of my issues with men (baso daddy issues, attachment issues and the likes) and need for love/affection/attention and that guys are usually most available.

    All my friends see me as gay, and I've identified as gay for such a long time that it makes me feel very anxious that I might actually be bisexual. I can't figure out whether I am bisexual, or whether wanting affection from guys is only related to my loneliness and other issues, as I don't think I'm attracted to them in the same way as I am girls, and I can't see myself settling with a guy but then I can't see that with anyone right now.

    I know it shouldn't matter. I've always said love is love and you never know who you'll meet and what will happen, but these feelings are really getting me down.

    Not sure what I really want to get from posting this, so thanks if you read. Any advice or support would be lovely.
    All my friends think im gay too. Let your heart tell you the way, not other people.
    • #3
    #3

    Honestly just do what you want, your friends aren't going to care. You don't need to put a label on it, if right now you want to be intimate with a boy then go ahead. Just as long as you don't lead anyone on. I'm the opposite, I've always been with guys but sometimes I want to be with girls. Not long term though and I haven't actually met anyone yet. Just do what feels right. Choose whichever gender you feel like being with in the moment. It doesn't have to be a permanent decision, it doesn't have to change the way you see yourself.
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    1. Sexuality: I would say just go with the flow- you won't know what actually feels right for you until you explore and act on your feelings. Even if it turns out that you are bisexual, its not a bad thing to be bisexual!

    While you have built up this identity of being lesbian (although it sounds like a lot of people labelled you as being that before you fully knew yourself), you're also living this life for yourself (not others); what exactly are you afraid of losing?

    2. "feeling extremely down and lonely" -Not a good time to be dating right now then.
    You need to be especially careful about matters of the heart (as your heart is in a very vulnerable state right now). Surround yourself with good people and aim to take on new pursuits in life (sports, hobbies, education etc). Your relationship with your ex may have ended, but endings are also the perfect grounds for new beginnings (so treat this as a good time to start doing the things that you've always wanted to do but never did before!).
    Focus on putting yourself no.1 in your life (being a healthier, happier, fresher new you- reinvent your image for the better!).
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Thank you for your replies :heart:
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Feastful)
    1. Sexuality: I would say just go with the flow- you won't know what actually feels right for you until you explore and act on your feelings. Even if it turns out that you are bisexual, its not a bad thing to be bisexual!

    While you have built up this identity of being lesbian (although it sounds like a lot of people labelled you as being that before you fully knew yourself), you're also living this life for yourself (not others); what exactly are you afraid of losing?

    2. "feeling extremely down and lonely" -Not a good time to be dating right now then.
    You need to be especially careful about matters of the heart (as your heart is in a very vulnerable state right now). Surround yourself with good people and aim to take on new pursuits in life (sports, hobbies, education etc). Your relationship with your ex may have ended, but endings are also the perfect grounds for new beginnings (so treat this as a good time to start doing the things that you've always wanted to do but never did before!).
    Focus on putting yourself no.1 in your life (being a healthier, happier, fresher new you- reinvent your image for the better!).
    Thank you for your reply.

    I know it's not bad to be bisexual, I just wish I knew/my feelings were clearer. I'm not really sure what I'm afraid of losing... I've struggled with many mental health problems since I was younger and they've left me unsure of what my personality/identity really is - maybe being gay has been something to use as my whole identity so it's not just mental health problems there.

    I definitely need to focus on myself, but the mental health makes it hard. I'm definitely trying to just focus on myself, thank you again
 
 
 
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