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End of 5 year relationship; is there hope? watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter

    So after almost 5 years of being together, my partner broke up with me the other day. His reasons were that he just wanted to be able to "do him", be able to hang with friends and do new activities without having to worry about coming home and having to stay home and call me and always update me on what's going on (we have been doing Long distance for the past 7 months and the distance was going to be closed in about 6 months anyway. We also did on year of long distance a few years back). I admit that I have had issue in the past with trust and jealousy, and he also mentioned that my inability to let go of the past has made it hard for him to move forward and he felt like he wasnt able to make me happy anymore because I was so hung up on it. He said that it is not that he doesn't love me, but that he no longer feels that he can contribute to a relationship and does not want to be a half-assed boyfriend, and needs to go out and find who he is as a person and what he wants to do with his life.
    I understand his reasons of course and see where he is coming from, and he even said that who knows maybe one day when we're in a better place we may have a chance, but that he is not trying to give me hope and doesn't want me to wait around for him. He also doesn't want me to be cut out of his life completely as he said he enjoys talking to me as a person and wishes to remain in contact, but for the time being I have initiated no contact just so I can work on myself and my feelings as well.

    I am wondering, do you reckon we could one day have a future? We have been together so long, with one of those years travelling together which really was an incredible experience, and he has made it clear that it has nothing to do with me but with him and needed to work on himself to be a better person (although I do understand the role that I had to play in the breakup). Once I have ended no contact, should I be there as his friend? Should I try to get him back? We were very compatiable and complemented each other in many ways. We were very honest and open, had great communication skills, had lots of fun together and also a great sex life. We loved unconfitionally and were both very supportive of one another, emotionally and in our actions. We have grown together and I do not believe that I will ever find something like that again, and I have had time to think about this and truly believe that we may have a future.
    Thoughts? Am I being too hopeful? I will note that I am a pessimist so I wouldn't be feeling hopeful unless I truly believed in it, and I will note that my gut instinct has never been wrong. I am taking the next few weeks to be alone and recover from the initial despair that I experienced, but would like some help on what to do then. Also his birthday is in a few weeks but I would like to refrain from contacting him for at least a month, so would it be rude for me to not wish him a happy birthday?

    I am also in a long distance relationship and have been for the past 6 months!
    Anyway is he telling you the truth about why he broke up with you? Have you asked him if he is involved with anyone else?
    I also think if he wanted a future with you he wouldn’t break up with you now!
    How old are you guys?
    Being alone will help you figure out what you want and maybe after he’s been alone for a while he might realise he made a big mistake by breaking up with you!
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    • #2

    yeah don't pin your hopes on this one person too much, plenty more fish in the sea. if its over, the accept it and move on. theres hope for you finding someone better soon, when one door closes another opens

    It sounds over. You've been together so long, maybe he wants to learn about himself and see what else is out there.
    It's had it's time.
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