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I found out my girlfriend is a prostitute and dumped her. Should I get back with her? watch

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    Long story short...I'm in love with an escort.

    We met last year during the summer in North Wales where she was on holiday with her family. I'm 23 years old and she's 25. I've dated quite a few women/girls in the past, but I never really felt anything for them. They were all loose relationships. With this woman, though, it was different from the beginning. There was a spark there that had never been present before. Skip forward 5 months and I'm considering asking her to marry me (intending for a lengthy engagement). I could tell she wasn't ready, though, because she kept saying that rushing things would be bad for both of us, so I never asked her... Then I found out she was an escort and confronted her about it by making a fake booking on the site (Adultwork) and turning up to meet her. She was devastated and practically ran away. I contacted her a few days later and asked her to quit if she wanted us to be together. She said it would be best if we just end it here, because if we carry on we'll both get hurt. She says she's planning to quit her job at the end of the year when she gets her Master's degree, but I'm not sure I believe her. We haven't contacted each other at all in 3 months now.

    The problem is...I can't move on. I just can't stop thinking about her. I know if it wasn't for her damn job they'd be no problem. My friends don't seem to understand. They think it's no big deal if she's just sleeping with men for money and nothing more, but I just can't accept it I don't think. My only female friend thinks I was wrong to ask her to quit... I just don't know what to do anymore. Would it be a mistake if I considered getting back in touch with her?

    I value all opinions, so please be honest.
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    (Original post by thomas1002)
    Long story short...I'm in love with an escort.

    We met last year during the summer in North Wales where she was on holiday with her family. I'm 23 years old and she's 25. I've dated quite a few women/girls in the past, but I never really felt anything for them. They were all loose relationships. With this woman, though, it was different from the beginning. There was a spark there that had never been present before. Skip forward 5 months and I'm considering asking her to marry me (intending for a lengthy engagement). I could tell she wasn't ready, though, because she kept saying that rushing things would be bad for both of us, so I never asked her... Then I found out she was an escort and confronted her about it by making a fake booking on the site (Adultwork) and turning up to meet her. She was devastated and practically ran away. I contacted her a few days later and asked her to quit if she wanted us to be together. She said it would be best if we just end it here, because if we carry on we'll both get hurt. She says she's planning to quit her job at the end of the year when she gets her Master's degree, but I'm not sure I believe her. We haven't contacted each other at all in 3 months now.

    The problem is...I can't move on. I just can't stop thinking about her. I know if it wasn't for her damn job they'd be no problem. My friends don't seem to understand. They think it's no big deal if she's just sleeping with men for money and nothing more, but I just can't accept it I don't think. My only female friend thinks I was wrong to ask her to quit... I just don't know what to do anymore. Would it be a mistake if I considered getting back in touch with her?

    I value all opinions, so please be honest.
    If you really care about her then don’t ignore that. But equally if you really care about her then you should respect her and her decisions. If you really think you can’t accept that then move on. You shouldn’t expect someone to change themselves or their profession because you’re jealous about it. It would be a very unhappy relationship if you could never move past that and it wouldn’t be worth the time of either of you.
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    If you love her and feel a connection then stay with her!
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    (Original post by jupi6ter)
    If you love her and feel a connection then stay with her!
    That's my gut instinct, I'll admit. The trouble is it's been 3 months of no contact whatsoever. I don't want to seem needy by getting back in touch (after all, she was the one who said it would be best if we never spoke again). Her birthday is in early March. I'll probably try and initiate contact then by wishing her a happy birthday.
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    No way were you wrong to confront her and ask her to stop! I don't understand how anyone could be alright with their SO sleeping with others whether or not there's no feeling/it's for money.

    If you want to work things out, just try contacting her and see how she feels. If she's willing to stop it and you can forgive her for it, then all's well. But if she won't quit, don't settle and let yourself be uncomfortable in an upsetting relationship just because you want to be with her.

    She was in the wrong for doing it while you were together in the first place and for deliberately keeping it from you. Do what's best for you and don't let anyone tell you you're wrong for wanting her to not do this. Faithfulness and honesty should be a given in any relationship and you're perfectly correct for wanting this.
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    (Original post by thomas1002)
    That's my gut instinct, I'll admit. The trouble is it's been 3 months of no contact whatsoever. I don't want to seem needy by getting back in touch (after all, she was the one who said it would be best if we never spoke again). Her birthday is in early March. I'll probably try and initiate contact then by wishing her a happy birthday.
    Ah, yeah wish her happy birthday. If she doesn’t talk to you the same as she did when you were together then maybe just leave it. There’s plenty of other girls but I do know why you mean by a “connection”. It’s hard to find somebody like that, but I’m sure you will find someone else eventually.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    No way were you wrong to confront her and ask her to stop! I don't understand how anyone could be alright with their SO sleeping with others whether or not there's no feeling/it's for money.

    If you want to work things out, just try contacting her and see how she feels. If she's willing to stop it and you can forgive her for it, then all's well. But if she won't quit, don't settle and let yourself be uncomfortable in an upsetting relationship just because you want to be with her.

    She was in the wrong for doing it while you were together in the first place and for deliberately keeping it from you. Do what's best for you and don't let anyone tell you you're wrong for wanting her to not do this. Faithfulness and honesty should be a given in any relationship and you're perfectly correct for wanting this.
    I completely agree with what you're saying regarding faithfulness and honesty. It was such a shock because she's very intelligent and doesn't seem the escort type at all. As for us getting back together, it all depends on whether or not she's genuinely going to give it up for good once she gets her degree. If that's the case then I'm willing to wait for her. There's no point in me running into another relationship until I'm completely over her, anyway. I'm just worried that I might not be able to fully trust her again. Working as an escort is "easy money", as she puts it. The temptation might always be there to go back and do it again when she needs money.
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    (Original post by jupi6ter)
    Ah, yeah wish her happy birthday. If she doesn’t talk to you the same as she did when you were together then maybe just leave it. There’s plenty of other girls but I do know why you mean by a “connection”. It’s hard to find somebody like that, but I’m sure you will find someone else eventually.
    I doubt she will talk to me in a normal fashion. She doesn't want to get heart broken herself (she said this continually for the first month we were together), so I think she'll definitely have her guards up knowing her. I don't want to appear desperate, but I want her to know that I care and still think about her everyday. It just seems hard to find the right balance, I suppose. It being her birthday gives me a reason to get in touch, but maintaining the conversation might be difficult.
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    Perhaps she felt ashamed or as though she wasn’t worthy of you, and so that’s why she thought you should end things between you two. If you’re miserable without her, what’s the harm in trying? Just don’t have expectations because that could potentially set you up for disappointment I guess. But I understand where you’re coming from, she was doing you wrong by sleeping with other men, whether or not it was for money it is still wrong. Hope you’re okay and you resolve this, one way or another x
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    (Original post by xoxcm)
    Perhaps she felt ashamed or as though she wasn’t worthy of you, and so that’s why she thought you should end things between you two. If you’re miserable without her, what’s the harm in trying? Just don’t have expectations because that could potentially set you up for disappointment I guess. But I understand where you’re coming from, she was doing you wrong by sleeping with other men, whether or not it was for money it is still wrong. Hope you’re okay and you resolve this, one way or another x
    Well, she did say I'd be better off without her. I don't think she really believes this, though. I think she's just embarrassed by everything that's happened. She kept trying to justify her lies by saying that she knew I would react badly if I found out so that's why she never told me, and that if I can't handle her job then that's my problem. She's a very proud woman, and doesn't like to admit that she's in the wrong. That was the key problem. If she had at least seemed contrite then things might not have ended so badly.
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    (Original post by thomas1002)
    Well, she did say I'd be better off without her. I don't think she really believes this, though. I think she's just embarrassed by everything that's happened. She kept trying to justify her lies by saying that she knew I would react badly if I found out so that's why she never told me, and that if I can't handle her job then that's my problem. She's a very proud woman, and doesn't like to admit that she's in the wrong. That was the key problem. If she had at least seemed contrite then things might not have ended so badly.
    Well, it has been three months. You might not realise it, but you probably have made some progress in terms of getting over her. You have to consider how you’ll feel if you try again and she rejects you; do you really want to put yourself through that? You could just be showing her that she can walk all over you. If anything, shouldn’t she be the one coming back to you?
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    (Original post by xoxcm)
    Well, it has been three months. You might not realise it, but you probably have made some progress in terms of getting over her. You have to consider how you’ll feel if you try again and she rejects you; do you really want to put yourself through that? You could just be showing her that she can walk all over you. If anything, shouldn’t she be the one coming back to you?
    I've definitely progressed since the break up, yes...but nothing's quite the same. I still miss her and everything seems to remind me of her. I know what you're saying regarding how I'd feel if I was rejected, but you must understand that closure could be a good thing. If she isn't willing to listen or compromise now then I'd have no choice but to move on. At the moment I just keep thinking of things I should have said that I didn't say. The whole problem is I don't want to appear weak and desperate. That will only drive her away. Her birthday is in early March, so that will give me an excuse to send her a casual text message. If she doesn't respond at all then I'll just have to leave it at that.

    And yes, she should be the one coming back to me, really...but nothing has changed for her. She's still working on the site (I check her account from time to time), and she knows that I know the truth now. She just might think it's pointless making contact now when she's still working as an escort, because that's what caused us to break up in the first place. I only hope she's telling the truth about packing it in at the end of the year... I suppose I just want her to know that I'm willing to wait until she quits if she wants me to. I just don't know how I can say that without appearing desperate.
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    I think your question is the answer. Only if you can afford her!
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    This is a complicated situation but you can't really be with someone who is sleeping with other men while she's with you even if it is just for money and means nothing, it's classed as cheating. She's also lied to you and didn't plan on telling you. If she does stop being an escort, she could get back into it in the future and never tell you. I get you love her but you can't marry someone you can't trust. You been without her for 3 months, it will be difficult but you need to move on from her. Go out and meet new people, you'll meet someone nice who will be worth marrying because your ex isn't. She'll only hurt you more if you get back with her.
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    (Original post by thomas1002)
    I've definitely progressed since the break up, yes...but nothing's quite the same. I still miss her and everything seems to remind me of her. I know what you're saying regarding how I'd feel if I was rejected, but you must understand that closure could be a good thing. If she isn't willing to listen or compromise now then I'd have no choice but to move on. At the moment I just keep thinking of things I should have said that I didn't say. The whole problem is I don't want to appear weak and desperate. That will only drive her away. Her birthday is in early March, so that will give me an excuse to send her a casual text message. If she doesn't respond at all then I'll just have to leave it at that.

    And yes, she should be the one coming back to me, really...but nothing has changed for her. She's still working on the site (I check her account from time to time), and she knows that I know the truth now. She just might think it's pointless making contact now when she's still working as an escort, because that's what caused us to break up in the first place. I only hope she's telling the truth about packing it in at the end of the year... I suppose I just want her to know that I'm willing to wait until she quits if she wants me to. I just don't know how I can say that without appearing desperate.
    I understand what you mean about closure, and you probably will regret it if you don’t try. You don’t seem desperate at all; you miss her which is normal. Does she have a troubled past? Perhaps she needs someone to stand by her, despite her wrongdoings. If someone mistreated her previously, then perhaps she used your discovery as an excuse to break things off, when really she was afraid that she would get hurt. It’s worth thinking about that, I think. In the end, you must put yourself and your own well-being first. If you speak to her and she doesn’t seem grateful for that, she isn’t worth the time. It’s probably also worth thinking about her progress, could she be seeing someone new? As horrible as that sounds, I suppose we have to be realistic and think about all the possibilities.
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    The fact that she was hiding it from you is not good.
    If she had been doing it and was honest with you about it then I would but understand other people's points but clearly there isn't enough trust from her side in the relationship. Sorry, dude.

    If you want to talk to her go ahead but I don't know what you hope to achieve.
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    I don't have any advice that wouldn't offend you. You're 'in love' but take a strong look at all the red flags here.
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    lol cuck
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    (Original post by xoxcm)
    I understand what you mean about closure, and you probably will regret it if you don’t try. You don’t seem desperate at all; you miss her which is normal. Does she have a troubled past? Perhaps she needs someone to stand by her, despite her wrongdoings. If someone mistreated her previously, then perhaps she used your discovery as an excuse to break things off, when really she was afraid that she would get hurt. It’s worth thinking about that, I think. In the end, you must put yourself and your own well-being first. If you speak to her and she doesn’t seem grateful for that, she isn’t worth the time. It’s probably also worth thinking about her progress, could she be seeing someone new? As horrible as that sounds, I suppose we have to be realistic and think about all the possibilities.
    I highly doubt that she's seeing someone new. She didn't seem to want to get too involved at all with me at first and now I know why, because she knew I might eventually find out. I think I was an exception to the rule. As long as she's still working I don't think she'll enter another relationship. As for her having a troubled past, I think that's highly likely. She has some bad scars on her back that look like she was beaten with a belt or something at some point (she said it was caused by a childhood condition she had where scars didn't heal, but I'm not sure I believe that anymore).

    I think you're right about her looking for an excuse to end it because she didn't want to get hurt. The week before I found out we had a big argument because I bought her a box of chocolates for no reason at all (I just felt like getting her a gift). She said it was me subtly asking for gifts in return. I was offended by this and we argued. She later apologised but said I should stop buying her so many gifts because it's rushing things. It's ironic, because she was the one who advanced the relationship in August when she asked me to come stay with her for a couple of weeks at her family caravan in Wales. We lived together for those two weeks and then for another week in October. She cooked all my meals everyday (she's a great cook). So it wasn't as though she wasn't committing herself. I just think she started to feel guilty about lying and that's why she started looking for a way out. When I found out it was like my whole world had imploded. Before I knew it it was over... It just all happened so fast. I think that's why I'm having difficulty moving on.

    I really appreciate everything you've said so far. You seem to genuinely care, so I thank you for that.
 
 
 
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