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    I’m in term 2 of first year now and my uni experience has been great so far. I’ve met some amazing friends and I love my course. The only problem is it’s too close to home. It’s two hours away from my home town so I’m expected to come home every weekend. It was my only close to home choice and I chose it due to mental health at the time. Now that I’m feeling better I feel as if I’m missing out on the independence others get or the ‘real uni experience’! I’m not going to drop out and reapply or anything, but how do I just stop these feelings of regret???
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    (Original post by cait1239)
    I’m in term 2 of first year now and my uni experience has been great so far. I’ve met some amazing friends and I love my course. The only problem is it’s too close to home. It’s two hours away from my home town so I’m expected to come home every weekend. It was my only close to home choice and I chose it due to mental health at the time. Now that I’m feeling better I feel as if I’m missing out on the independence others get or the ‘real uni experience’! I’m not going to drop out and reapply or anything, but how do I just stop these feelings of regret???
    I'm sorry you're feeling that way - although it's great you're having a good time! For what it's worth, in my mind, two hours is not all that close - I'm surprised you're expected to go home every weekend. Either way, I think the solution here is: don't! If you want more independence, dial it back to one weekend a month or so. Can you talk to your family about how you're feeling? Hopefully they'd understand you want to spread your wings a bit. If they're not that kind of family... well, they might be upset, but you're an adult and are going to go your own way sooner or later, so now isn't a bad time to start asserting yourself.
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    (Original post by cait1239)
    I’m in term 2 of first year now and my uni experience has been great so far. I’ve met some amazing friends and I love my course. The only problem is it’s too close to home. It’s two hours away from my home town so I’m expected to come home every weekend. It was my only close to home choice and I chose it due to mental health at the time. Now that I’m feeling better I feel as if I’m missing out on the independence others get or the ‘real uni experience’! I’m not going to drop out and reapply or anything, but how do I just stop these feelings of regret???
    You're an adult with your own life - you don't have to go home often if you don't want to. You can always say that you have too much work if you really need an excuse. I say this as the father of a current student .. although he's an 11 hour flight away.
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    (Original post by laebae)
    I'm sorry you're feeling that way - although it's great you're having a good time! For what it's worth, in my mind, two hours is not all that close - I'm surprised you're expected to go home every weekend. Either way, I think the solution here is: don't! If you want more independence, dial it back to one weekend a month or so. Can you talk to your family about how you're feeling? Hopefully they'd understand you want to spread your wings a bit. If they're not that kind of family... well, they might be upset, but you're an adult and are going to go your own way sooner or later, so now isn't a bad time to start asserting yourself.
    They’re not the type, I tried that recently but instead my mum ended up coming to visit me! They made me get a job back home so I need to do that and honestly with where I’m from and the uni I’m at it’s kind of the norm for everyone in my home town to do the travelling. I was thinking about getting a job in my uni town and I suggested this and it’s safe to say they didn’t take it well lol
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    (Original post by RogerOxon)
    You're an adult with your own life - you don't have to go home often if you don't want to. You can always say that you have too much work if you really need an excuse. I say this as the father of a current student .. although he's an 11 hour flight away.
    I’ve been using that one recently! But they made me get a job back home (my mum is actually my boss) so I need to come back! Oh jeez he’s ages away! I’m so envious of those who have the independence to move away for a full term, it seems daunting but really helpful too for self growth
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    (Original post by cait1239)
    They’re not the type, I tried that recently but instead my mum ended up coming to visit me! They made me get a job back home so I need to do that and honestly with where I’m from and the uni I’m at it’s kind of the norm for everyone in my home town to do the travelling. I was thinking about getting a job in my uni town and I suggested this and it’s safe to say they didn’t take it well lol
    Well that sucks... but yeah, my advice doesn't change. If you want some independence, it's obviously not going to come from your parents, so you're going to have to push for it. Of course, you might decide it's not worth the hassle, and if that's the case then so be it. But you're an adult: it's up to you how you spend your time. You can stay at uni some weekends. You can tell your mum not to come visit you. You can get a job wherever you like. You don't have to convince your parents these are the right decisions, you just need to tell them that's what you're doing. And I don't think anyone else on this forum is going to be able to suggest an easier solution for you, because unfortunately there isn't an easy solution to this kinda thing. Best of luck!
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    (Original post by cait1239)
    I’m in term 2 of first year now and my uni experience has been great so far. I’ve met some amazing friends and I love my course. The only problem is it’s too close to home. It’s two hours away from my home town so I’m expected to come home every weekend. It was my only close to home choice and I chose it due to mental health at the time. Now that I’m feeling better I feel as if I’m missing out on the independence others get or the ‘real uni experience’! I’m not going to drop out and reapply or anything, but how do I just stop these feelings of regret???
    Two hours is quite a distance (imo) to travel back and forth every weekend.

    I honestly think you should keep on pushing your mother to let you stay at uni during the weekend. Is there a reason why your mother insists on you coming home so much to the point where she's actually visiting you if you don't?
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    (Original post by cait1239)
    I’m in term 2 of first year now and my uni experience has been great so far. I’ve met some amazing friends and I love my course. The only problem is it’s too close to home. It’s two hours away from my home town so I’m expected to come home every weekend. It was my only close to home choice and I chose it due to mental health at the time. Now that I’m feeling better I feel as if I’m missing out on the independence others get or the ‘real uni experience’! I’m not going to drop out and reapply or anything, but how do I just stop these feelings of regret???
    Why do you have to go home every weekend?? You are 18 years old just tell your family you’re not doing it.
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    (Original post by laebae)
    Well that sucks... but yeah, my advice doesn't change. If you want some independence, it's obviously not going to come from your parents, so you're going to have to push for it. Of course, you might decide it's not worth the hassle, and if that's the case then so be it. But you're an adult: it's up to you how you spend your time. You can stay at uni some weekends. You can tell your mum not to come visit you. You can get a job wherever you like. You don't have to convince your parents these are the right decisions, you just need to tell them that's what you're doing. And I don't think anyone else on this forum is going to be able to suggest an easier solution for you, because unfortunately there isn't an easy solution to this kinda thing. Best of luck!
    Totally agree with this. OP quit working for your parents they are clearly doing this to exert control over you. You need to set boundaries NOW or you will spend you life pleasing them. It may be unpleasant and they will get upset but that’s just tough. What happens when you have a partner and your own family, will they still expect you to visit them every weekend?? It just doesn’t work like that.
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    (Original post by laebae)
    Well that sucks... but yeah, my advice doesn't change. If you want some independence, it's obviously not going to come from your parents, so you're going to have to push for it. Of course, you might decide it's not worth the hassle, and if that's the case then so be it. But you're an adult: it's up to you how you spend your time. You can stay at uni some weekends. You can tell your mum not to come visit you. You can get a job wherever you like. You don't have to convince your parents these are the right decisions, you just need to tell them that's what you're doing. And I don't think anyone else on this forum is going to be able to suggest an easier solution for you, because unfortunately there isn't an easy solution to this kinda thing. Best of luck!
    Thanks! Ultimately you are right, I’m just going to need to put my foot down. They’re the very clingy type so while it will be hard and they won’t take it well, it will be better for me. Thank you for your advice
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    (Original post by cait1239)
    I’m in term 2 of first year now and my uni experience has been great so far. I’ve met some amazing friends and I love my course. The only problem is it’s too close to home. It’s two hours away from my home town so I’m expected to come home every weekend. It was my only close to home choice and I chose it due to mental health at the time. Now that I’m feeling better I feel as if I’m missing out on the independence others get or the ‘real uni experience’! I’m not going to drop out and reapply or anything, but how do I just stop these feelings of regret???
    Two hours away is not close in my opinion! I’m 30 mins away but my parents are lucky to see me once a month and I’m their only child as well.

    I suggest you have a chat with your family and explain that part of the university experience is being independent and that it would be great if you could spend some weekends with university friends exploring this new city.

    I’m not sure how they could argue otherwise! Surely they understand that you need to grow up and fledge the nest? I don’t think you should regret anything.
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    (Original post by Blue_Cow)
    Two hours is quite a distance (imo) to travel back and forth every weekend.

    I honestly think you should keep on pushing your mother to let you stay at uni during the weekend. Is there a reason why your mother insists on you coming home so much to the point where she's actually visiting you if you don't?
    Mum and I have always been very close just, she’s quite clingy. My aunt tells me about when I was a kid going to visit my dad overnight she’d cry lol. She’s very attached to me and just doesn’t want to let go yet I think
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    (Original post by cait1239)
    I’m in term 2 of first year now and my uni experience has been great so far. I’ve met some amazing friends and I love my course. The only problem is it’s too close to home. It’s two hours away from my home town so I’m expected to come home every weekend. It was my only close to home choice and I chose it due to mental health at the time. Now that I’m feeling better I feel as if I’m missing out on the independence others get or the ‘real uni experience’! I’m not going to drop out and reapply or anything, but how do I just stop these feelings of regret???
    Explain 'real uni experience'.
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    Tell them it's your life and you want to be independent. It's a long way to travel every single week. Quit your job and say you'll visit once a month, even then that's still quite a lot. If you let them control you, they'll never stop well into your adult years.
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    (Original post by del1rious)
    Totally agree with this. OP quit working for your parents they are clearly doing this to exert control over you. You need to set boundaries NOW or you will spend you life pleasing them. It may be unpleasant and they will get upset but that’s just tough. What happens when you have a partner and your own family, will they still expect you to visit them every weekend?? It just doesn’t work like that.
    I am quite hellbent on making sure they’re happy I’ll admit that! They make it hard though, my dad not so much. If I stay up at uni too long Mum convinces herself it’s because I don’t care about her lol. The plan is once I finish uni is to move away pretty far, to a different country so maybe England or something so that I can finally get independence. Otherwise I think they would expect a lot of visits
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    (Original post by cait1239)
    I am quite hellbent on making sure they’re happy I’ll admit that! They make it hard though, my dad not so much. If I stay up at uni too long Mum convinces herself it’s because I don’t care about her lol. The plan is once I finish uni is to move away pretty far, to a different country so maybe England or something so that I can finally get independence. Otherwise I think they would expect a lot of visits
    Parents like this will never be happy!! Your mother is being manipulative saying it’s because you don’t care about her. Seriously your problems are a lot bigger than just not being far enough away, the further you are away the more controlling and upset your mother will become. Just please yourself or you will spend your life trying to please someone who can’t be pleased
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    (Original post by jdddd)
    Explain 'real uni experience'.
    Well maybe real is the wrong word but really the whole moving away and gaining independence and studying for your own gain and not being told how to eat and everything. Just make my mistakes before I go into proper adulthood without parents peering over my shoulder
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    (Original post by DrawTheLine)
    Tell them it's your life and you want to be independent. It's a long way to travel every single week. Quit your job and say you'll visit once a month, even then that's still quite a lot. If you let them control you, they'll never stop well into your adult years.
    I’ve been looking for jobs for a while and the journey is becoming quite daunting, and a strain financially. £120 travelling for 5 weeks is bad on any budget if it’s only busses! You’re right, they won’t stop
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    Ultimatley, its ur life, ur going to have to have a very big talk with your mum or do something very special to convince her that you always love her especially if you want to move very far away from her.
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    hmm maybe phone call them everyday or something maybe video call them
 
 
 

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