Turn on thread page Beta
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    So this October I'll hopefully be going off to uni, and I knew this moment would come. My mum's started getting sad thinking about me going away. A lot of parents do, understandably, but I'm scared that my mum will be unusually sad and will take ages/never recover.

    My mum doesn't have many friends, and she doesn't have many hobbies. She passes her time mainly by watching TV, talking to family on the phone, or cooking. She enjoys time with my sister and I, even though we don't really spend much time with her, because we're usually busy with our own work. But still, she's very close to me, and often relies on me to help with everyday things, and talk to her when she's bored/down.

    I'm just scared that once I go off, she'll be left incredibly sad and depressed. My sister will go probably go off to uni one year later, so then she'll have none of her kids left at home. I wished she did hobbies that would keep her occupied, but she's got several health problems limiting her, and she doesn't speak English well, so struggles with new social activities. And my dad works far away, so he often comes home very late, or he'll be gone for a few days at a time. This is why I'm scared that once I go off as well, she'll be left with almost no enjoyment in her life, and that thought makes me really sad. I don't know what I can do to help this situation.
    • Very Important Poster
    Online

    19
    Very Important Poster
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So this October I'll hopefully be going off to uni, and I knew this moment would come. My mum's started getting sad thinking about me going away. A lot of parents do, understandably, but I'm scared that my mum will be unusually sad and will take ages/never recover.

    My mum doesn't have many friends, and she doesn't have many hobbies. She passes her time mainly by watching TV, talking to family on the phone, or cooking. She enjoys time with my sister and I, even though we don't really spend much time with her, because we're usually busy with our own work. But still, she's very close to me, and often relies on me to help with everyday things, and talk to her when she's bored/down.

    I'm just scared that once I go off, she'll be left incredibly sad and depressed. My sister will go probably go off to uni one year later, so then she'll have none of her kids left at home. I wished she did hobbies that would keep her occupied, but she's got several health problems limiting her, and she doesn't speak English well, so struggles with new social activities. And my dad works far away, so he often comes home very late, or he'll be gone for a few days at a time. This is why I'm scared that once I go off as well, she'll be left with almost no enjoyment in her life, and that thought makes me really sad. I don't know what I can do to help this situation.
    Skype + visits both ways + talk to her plus she does need to get a hobby or other activities. Part of growing up. A least she has your sister and then maybe it will only be third year and you will have returned? Talk to her.
    • Community Assistant
    Offline

    22
    ReputationRep:
    Community Assistant
    Just because you're not living there anymore doesn't mean you won't ever talk to her. She could take some English lessons to build her confidence. You can video chat her and phone her, visit her occasionally. You don't stop existing because you're at uni. Maybe you going will encourage her to develop some hobbies.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Skype + visits both ways + talk to her plus she does need to get a hobby or other activities. Part of growing up. A least she has your sister and then maybe it will only be third year and you will have returned? Talk to her.
    Yes I do plan on visiting often and keeping in touch, hopefully that will be enough. Unfortunately she also isn't the type to take on new things - I've told her many times before to try something new, find new hobbies, but she never seems up for it. And I'll hopefully be doing a 6 year degree, so I wouldn't have returned :/
    It's just thinking about her everyday life and how dull it may become that makes me sad as well

    (Original post by DrawTheLine)
    Just because you're not living there anymore doesn't mean you won't ever talk to her. She could take some English lessons to build her confidence. You can video chat her and phone her, visit her occasionally. You don't stop existing because you're at uni. Maybe you going will encourage her to develop some hobbies.
    Hopefully she'll pick up some hobbies, but seems unlikely And yeah I do want her to take English lessons as she did enjoy them in the past and made some friends there.
    But yeah I'll definitely try to regularly call her etc.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    Don't worry. She will find her way. She loves you more than you think, she will be rational and she will accept these changes. Just make sure you talk to her when you have time, visit her, give her small gifts, and she will be fine.
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    Don't let her attachment issues guilt trip you. She's had years to anticipate and prepare for this, including building a new network of her own. It's not your fault that she doesn't seem prepared. I'm a mum, with kids at uni. She'll be fine and you'll have a blast.
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    I agree with suggesting she learns English, are there any local groups for people who do speak her language?
    Posted on the TSR App. Download from Apple or Google Play
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by the_queen)
    Don't worry. She will find her way. She loves you more than you think, she will be rational and she will accept these changes. Just make sure you talk to her when you have time, visit her, give her small gifts, and she will be fine.
    Thanks

    (Original post by DrSocSciences)
    Don't let her attachment issues guilt trip you. She's had years to anticipate and prepare for this, including building a new network of her own. It's not your fault that she doesn't seem prepared. I'm a mum, with kids at uni. She'll be fine and you'll have a blast.
    Hope so! I just don't want to blame her for her emotions, and feel as if I should do something to help, but obviously that's not always possible. Really hope we both end up just fine and can enjoy our lives

    (Original post by RuthieG101)
    I agree with suggesting she learns English, are there any local groups for people who do speak her language?
    Yeah I'm definitely going to try and encourage her to start learning again, and not sure about local groups - will have a look to see if there are any she could join
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    you could try Facebook for groups.
    Posted on the TSR App. Download from Apple or Google Play
 
 
 
Poll
Is the Big Bang theory correct?
Useful resources

Groups associated with this forum:

View associated groups

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.