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Girl rejected me cos of my weight but now wants me watch

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    **** her then ghost.
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    (Original post by ddsizebra)
    so she likes you mainly for your looks...relationships based on that will not last long. You are better off being friends for a while. Clearly she puts appearance over personality. Let her like you for what you are then she'd be able to respect you more. You might be infatuated with her but don't let that blind you. You did say she was popular, so make sure you're not one of those fill-in guys for her. It'll hurt you more than it'll hurt her.
    Would you date a guy you thought was physically unappealing? maybe I'm wrong on this but I don't see how I'd go out with a girl I thought was unattractive physically even if I thought she was a lovely person... Just lovely person = friend. Lovely person + physically attractive = something more.
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    (Original post by whydoidothis?)
    **** her then ghost.
    I'm not a sociopath so no?
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    I would tell her this to shut her down.

    Then based on her response, you can choose. If she admits it and stuff - that's a good sign.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Would you date a guy you thought was physically unappealing? maybe I'm wrong on this but I don't see how I'd go out with a girl I thought was unattractive physically even if I thought she was a lovely person... Just lovely person = friend. Lovely person physically attractive = something more.
    yes but everyone changes and it's important to respect that. Is this the girl who only dates based on looks? many problems can occur from this. What if he put on weight for some reason i.e. hypothyroidism or depression, does she then leave him. These little things like looks, personaility, what he/ she has (e.g. money) determines loyalty and being faithful. Overlook one of these things can end up hurting you in the end. This goes for both men and women.
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    Bro she's called you fat (even if you were she said it directly) friendzoned you, didn't really care if ya distanced yourself and now wants you just physically. That's a no no 😂😂😂 (maybe for just dating its fine but relationship😂😂😂😂😂 hoes ain't loyal)
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    This is a longish story so please bear with me. Basically, a girl I was infatuated with rejected me 2 years ago when I told her I had feelings for her (we knew other 1 year or so before I told her I liked her). She told me she thought I was fat and wasn't attracted to me but she also told me she thought I was a great guy and wanted to be friends with me.

    Yes, I know. But listen to me. I am not mad at her for telling me that. On the contrary, I was sort of grateful. Both for her honesty (which I prefer to giving me a generic and vague excuse which I'd have known was a lie) and because it was clear, from her tone and her general demeanour, that she wasn't trying to hurt me or ridicule me. She genuinely liked me as a person but was honest enough to let me know how she thought of me as a potential bf. Those things are separate and tbh, I myself had a terrible self-image, I knew I looked like ****, it wasn't like I thought I was an Adonis. I wasn't surprised that she rejected me.

    Now, 2 years later, I've lost over 100 pounds. In the meantime, I had cut contact with her because I wanted some distance. She's quite popular with guys so I don't think I would've enjoyed seeing her with other men.

    We started talking again recently after I received a few likes from her on some of my pics. She asked me if I wanted to get coffee with her so we did. A few days after that, I invited her over to watch a film and we sort of fooled around but I felt uncomfortable and we stopped. She told me she liked me and wanted to take things further but I am not sure I want it anymore. Despite what I said above, I think my ego was hurt and that's why I feel uncomfortable with her. I haven't told her that yet but I might. I still don't know why I don't feel okay with it but as I said, I think it's 'cos she made me feel ...undesirable or smth.

    I don't know what to do about it. It was a good thing she told me I had to lose weight. I genuinely wasn't mad at her. But maybe I was mad at myself and still am.

    Should I take the wait and see approach (maybe I will feel comfortable after a while) or see a therapist now to talk about it with them? should I let her know I am not ready yet or man up and try again??

    Thx


    First of all. It's great to hear you're feeling happy and healthy in your body. Secondly, you probably do feel uncomfortable because, ultimately even though she was honest with you (which like you said, was better than being lied to) you probably do feel like she is only choosing you now because you've physically changed.

    The question of what to do relies on you. Maybe, yes, being hurt as altered your opinion. But it could just be, that you're just not attracted to her anymore. You've realised your own self-worth.

    Honestly, it's up to you. You have to be comfortable. And if things don't get anywhere. Just know there are people out there who will love for you. And although she was straightforward with you, I still feel like , well, why didn't she love you for you, your personality' because that wouldn't have changed.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm not a sociopath so no?
    Go for it bro. She rejected you for a legitimate reason, why the hell would anyone choose a fat, unattractive slob as a potential mate? That's just not how we work as animals. Now that you've lost weight, your good points outweigh the bad (she obviously thought your personality was good), and she sees you as a potential/much better mate than before.
    Don't listen to these idiots who keep ranting on about "Can't handle me at my worst, don't deserve my best," this isn't a ******g anime or k-drama where some fatass somehow becomes a supermodel yada yada.
    She hurt your ego, sure, but someone had to tell you straight up and I think her saying it rather than anyone else hit home and motivated you more than anyone else ever could.
    [Edit] just realised I replied to the ****boy suggestion, don't do what he suggested, try out a proper relationship with her.
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    I would personally find it hard to forget what she said before
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    I think the fat thing is a bit of a red herring here. Clearly if that helped you at the time then she found the right words for you and you made something positive out of it, that's great. Of course it would have stung then and I suppose it still might now, but as already mentioned it sounds like that might be more due to your insecurity about i) why she wants to be with you now (looks only, or primarily personality but the looks were just in the way before?), and ii) whether you are actually still into her or whether you just think you are because you couldn't have her before. Any answer to the above is fine but as long as you feel unsure about them I think you won't feel at ease. It's a classic case of, if you want more than a ONS , then you have to take it slow and listen to how you feel about those things. You could try and talk to her openly, that might or might not help, but the hard thing is to be honest with yourself here -- if you come to the conclusion inside that you're not really interested after all, then make a positive decision and tell yourself so. You're only going to regret it if you just ignore your feelings and make no real active choice and then realise you're unhappy after a while. If you decide either way through being honest and open with yourself, you won't regret it I don't think, whether it's a yes or a no.
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    (Original post by Syed_Haque)
    Go for it bro. She rejected you for a legitimate reason, why the hell would anyone choose a fat, unattractive slob as a potential mate? That's just not how we work as animals. Now that you've lost weight, your good points outweigh the bad (she obviously thought your personality was good), and she sees you as a potential/much better mate than before.
    Don't listen to these idiots who keep ranting on about "Can't handle me at my worst, don't deserve my best," this isn't a ******g anime or k-drama where some fatass somehow becomes a supermodel yada yada.
    She hurt your ego, sure, but someone had to tell you straight up and I think her saying it rather than anyone else hit home and motivated you more than anyone else ever could.
    [Edit] just realised I replied to the ****boy suggestion, don't do what he suggested, try out a proper relationship with her.
    Lol so you prefer someone with looks but has a douche attitude to you rather than someone who respects you for what you are? Sounds like someone uses their hormones than their brain or heart when it comes to love...
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    I'd say reject her like she rejected you and find a better girl who doesn't choose guys based on looks. You will last longer with a girl who loves you for your personality.
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    Have you tried telling her this? If even a small part of you wants to try moving forward with her it's better to be honest with her about how what she said then is bothering you now. You might be able to work through it together.
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    (Original post by ddsizebra)
    yes but everyone changes and it's important to respect that. Is this the girl who only dates based on looks? many problems can occur from this. What if he put on weight for some reason i.e. hypothyroidism or depression, does she then leave him. These little things like looks, personaility, what he/ she has (e.g. money) determines loyalty and being faithful. Overlook one of these things can end up hurting you in the end. This goes for both men and women.
    Well, every trait you have, you can lose for some reason especially due to illness or injury. Brain injury can alter your personality dramatically. If you fall for someone's intelligence, a car accident can take it away. It's how it is I'm afraid. Unconditional love definitely exists and those people who have experienced it are extremely lucky. But maybe not everyone can find it.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Well, every trait you have, you can lose for some reason especially due to illness or injury. Brain injury can alter your personality dramatically. If you fall for someone's intelligence, a car accident can take it away. It's how it is I'm afraid. Unconditional love definitely exists and those people who have experienced it are extremely lucky. But maybe not everyone can find it.
    That's what I'm trying to point out to the person who likes this girl. She literally put up sign posts that she herself is only going for looks and that the relationship won't be that serious. Probably only 1-2 percent of couples will be based on unconditional love, the rest often divorce. In nowadays nearly everyone has had a divorce (excluding those with serious reason e.g. abused or victimised) considering they've made those stupid vows...
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    Bang her then when you finish tell her you thought she was thinner than that. Walk out.
 
 
 
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