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Dealing with an excessively flirtatious girl at work watch

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    So the nature of my job right now is working in an isolated area with a team of eleven people who are practically the only people you see for six days of the week, very isolating job.

    The only attractive girl we work with is a super flirtatious tease who likes to get all the guys under her thumb.

    She's really physical e.g. when she walks past she touches my bum or feels my muscles and is constantly flirting with the other guys too such as talking about sex, frequent innuendo, that thing what girls do where they act dumb and laugh at a higher pitch than normal etc

    At first it really flattered me and I asked her to meet me for a coffee before work one time where I told her I fancied her and all she really said in response was that she knows and didn't say much else.

    Essentially, she's the type of girl who likes to have power over men but doesn't actually want to ****.

    So for the last week I decided to ignore her hard, I'd skip communal lunches, avoid her in my work and when walking past her I'd do everything to avoid acknowledging her and to be honest the hate kind of consumed me, but she ended up cornering me asking why I was ignoring me.

    I told her it was so we could keep a professional capacity, she said she doesn't care and preferred things the way they were before. And just like that I couldn't resist her again and yesterday we were back like we used to be (deep conversations, lots of flirting etc)

    I probably wouldn't be as infatuated with this girl if I had other options or there were more women in the workplace but it's killing me because i enjoy the chase even though I'm aware I'm being strung along .. Any experience dealing with a woman like this ?
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    so what do you want?
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    (Original post by num.7)
    so what do you want?
    Well, if I am completely honest, I want to **** her. But that's probably not going to happen.

    Truthfully, I should get over her, but separating one head from the other is easier said than done when you only see four women for five days of the week and she's a 9/10 who flirts with you.

    That's why I'm looking for a solution from a man who's been in a similar predicament.
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    Just tell her what you've suspected. Threaten to report her behaviour to your immediate boss if possible.
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    (Original post by shawn_o1)
    Just tell her what you've suspected. Threaten to report her behaviour to your immediate boss if possible.
    I've told her straight up she's a horrible human being (she's stringing along another guy way worse than me) and she says she is simply a free spirit and she's not going to change who she is ...

    Quite scary that people like this are out there, not a single drop of remorse.
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    Ridiculous how if the sex's were reversed they'd be looking at a disciplinary for inappropriately touching other colleagues

    If you're not comfortable with her behaviour, you need to report her
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    (Original post by bones-mccoy)
    Ridiculous how if the sex's were reversed they'd be looking at a disciplinary for inappropriately touching other colleagues

    If you're not comfortable with her behaviour, you need to report her
    Honestly, you should report her no matter what. It is vital that this type of issue be brought to light so male victims of sexual harassment in the workplace are not marginalised.

    Even if you wish you could have sex with her, I hope you realise that feeling is not reciprocal. She is manipulating you (and from the sounds of it the other guys) through sexual harassment in the workplace and should be disciplined for it.
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    (Original post by bones-mccoy)
    Ridiculous how if the sex's were reversed they'd be looking at a disciplinary for inappropriately touching other colleagues



    beat me to it :laugh:
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    #2

    You are probably really unattractive with low self esteem if you are desperate for her.

    IT reminds me of my boyfriend who told me his work colleague asked him how big his thing was.He was telling me she talks about sex but apparently never had a boyfriend before. I was shocked to why she asked him that, he said i told her im in a relationship but she still asked it.

    This is really shocking that girls are like this


    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So the nature of my job right now is working in an isolated area with a team of eleven people who are practically the only people you see for six days of the week, very isolating job.

    The only attractive girl we work with is a super flirtatious tease who likes to get all the guys under her thumb.

    She's really physical e.g. when she walks past she touches my bum or feels my muscles and is constantly flirting with the other guys too such as talking about sex, frequent innuendo, that thing what girls do where they act dumb and laugh at a higher pitch than normal etc

    At first it really flattered me and I asked her to meet me for a coffee before work one time where I told her I fancied her and all she really said in response was that she knows and didn't say much else.

    Essentially, she's the type of girl who likes to have power over men but doesn't actually want to ****.

    So for the last week I decided to ignore her hard, I'd skip communal lunches, avoid her in my work and when walking past her I'd do everything to avoid acknowledging her and to be honest the hate kind of consumed me, but she ended up cornering me asking why I was ignoring me.

    I told her it was so we could keep a professional capacity, she said she doesn't care and preferred things the way they were before. And just like that I couldn't resist her again and yesterday we were back like we used to be (deep conversations, lots of flirting etc)

    I probably wouldn't be as infatuated with this girl if I had other options or there were more women in the workplace but it's killing me because i enjoy the chase even though I'm aware I'm being strung along .. Any experience dealing with a woman like this ?
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Well, if I am completely honest, I want to **** her. But that's probably not going to happen.

    Truthfully, I should get over her, but separating one head from the other is easier said than done when you only see four women for five days of the week and she's a 9/10 who flirts with you.

    That's why I'm looking for a solution from a man who's been in a similar predicament.
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've told her straight up she's a horrible human being (she's stringing along another guy way worse than me) and she says she is simply a free spirit and she's not going to change who she is ...

    Quite scary that people like this are out there, not a single drop of remorse.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    She's really physical e.g. when she walks past she touches my bum or feels my muscles and is constantly flirting with the other guys too such as talking about sex, frequent innuendo, that thing what girls do where they act dumb and laugh at a higher pitch than normal etc
    Whether requited or not, that sort of behaviour is very unprofessional and inappropriate for the workplace.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    At first it really flattered me and I asked her to meet me for a coffee before work one time where I told her I fancied her and all she really said in response was that she knows and didn't say much else.

    Essentially, she's the type of girl who likes to have power over men but doesn't actually want to ****.
    Attention from men has likely inflated her ego greatly (to the extent that now she can't get enough attention). Doing anything to feed into her ego will only encourage her.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I told her it was so we could keep a professional capacity, she said she doesn't care and preferred things the way they were before. And just like that I couldn't resist her again and yesterday we were back like we used to be (deep conversations, lots of flirting etc)
    Well of course she prefers things the way they were- she was having a great time getting all that attention!

    But ignoring her only to then succumb to her game?
    All you have shown her by doing that, is that despite what you said, you were playing a game of "hard to get" (which you lost).

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I probably wouldn't be as infatuated with this girl if I had other options or there were more women in the workplace but it's killing me because i enjoy the chase even though I'm aware I'm being strung along .. Any experience dealing with a woman like this ?
    Ah-ha, we have reached the real crux of the problem; that it's not inappropriate work behaviour that you peeved about, it's that you can't stand being around such a tease who won't give into you (and these are too very different things).
    If you would be fine with her being flirty if only you stood a real chance with her, then you've lost a lot of moral high ground/credibility in your complaint about her workplace behaviour. Workplace sexual harassment does not suddenly become appropriate just because it's requited!

    Because you've flirted (and you've admitted to repeatedly flirting back heavily with her), then reporting her now will only look like the spiteful actions of a rejected lovelorn man (and they basically are!).

    At what point do you take any personal responsibility/accountability over your own actions?
    Every day you are making choices. You can control yourself, you can contain yourself. And if you really do not want her to flirt with you, then you have to actually tell her no and stand firm to it. How genuinely do you actually want her to stop flirting with you?
    Because it's no good saying "I hate that she teases me" and then saying "I enjoy the thrill of the chase" (two major contradictions there!).

    She is toying with you because you have made it blatantly obvious (even after knowing what she was like) that you fancy her. And by not taking a consistent approach towards her (one mpment ignoring and the next flirting back), you've dug yourself into a bit of a hole. Because while her workplace flirting is wrong, so is only making a formal compliant about it now because she won't go out with you (for then you too would be using the workplace inappropriately to get at someone!).

    If you don't want her to behave like this, then take a consistent approach towards dealing with the situation.
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    i cannot believe that people think they can get away with these sexual micro-assaults at work. please report her to the police.

    #youtoo
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    (Original post by the bear)
    i cannot believe that people think they can get away with these sexual micro-assaults at work. please report her to the police.

    #youtoo
    The guy has admitted to flirting back with her etc on multiple occasions (despite knowing what she is like) and of wanting to shag her (and the only reason why he seems to have issue with her behaviour now is that he bas come to the conclusion that he doesn't stand a chance of a relationship with her) though.

    If he took his complaint to the police or his employer, then they will question what he has done to dissuade her, and when it inevitably comes back that he was actually cool with the teasing when he thought he had a chance (enjoying the chase etc) and that he went back to flirting with her on multiple occasions even (after it became clear that he didn't stand a chance, then the situatiom is going to suddenly start looking a heck of a lot less like one of assault, and more like that of a spurned man trying to use authority to get back at a woman he couldn't have.

    People lose a significant amount of credibility in these types situations if they don't take a consistent approach in dealing with them.

    PS: (For the record) I'm not condoning her behaviour (which is shallow and inappropriate).
 
 
 
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