I'm writing this question because I really need some advice/opinions. I feel physically sick but through anxiety and uncertainty. I crave attention but I don't want someone to tell me I look nice nor do I want someone to tell me I'm good at something-I want someone to ask me if I'm okay. I want to let everything out all my frustrations and all my dark feelings. But when people do ask me if I'm okay the fear takes over and I lie. I'm incapable of being honest with myself or others. I have been involved with self harm but I don't really know why I do it, I can't pinpoint a reason. I have manic moments not necessarily 'happy, motivating' manic moments more along the lines of very irritable, talkative, scary moments where I manic rant and become almost another person. I often miss university due to feelings of self doubt, worthlessness and inability to leave the house due to OCD compulsions(checking, doors, taps, oven etc) I have had help with this OCD. I feel miserable, I do love university but I'm struggling to just be happy because I'm not. I hate myself and I hate the person I am am how I come across. I will be saying something but fighting with self in my head telling myself 'why are you saying that' 'your making it worse' 'say something nice' but my mouth just continues to say everything that I don't want it to. I feel a burden on everyone and cannot shake the feeling that I am truly a waste of space. Sometimes I have sudden bursts of energy, motivation to do everything for example I toke up blogging, knitting, guitar, reading, dieting, gymnastics. None of these things last more than a few days then the depression kicks in again. I always feel on edge like I can't relax, butterflies 24/7 and I do sometimes have weird views on life like looking in from the outside, that probably makes no sense unless you have felt it. I have million more things I could say but i will leave it here for now any advice would be truly appreciated.
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Mental health/university watch
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Last edited by Interrobang; 2 weeks ago at 21:08.
I don't really have any advise, except seeking medical advise some of the things you describe sound a lot like borderline personality disorder so maybe you should look into it. I do understand how you feel though everything you described is pretty much exactly the same for me, I feel like I'm constantly on a emotional rollercoaster one minute I'm so inspired the next I don't even understand the point in life and feel as though I should quit while I'm ahead. Is that the same for you???