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My mother won't help herself... watch

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    I can only apologise as this is going to be quite a long post. I'm the youngest of 4 siblings (30, 25, 24 and 17) and my mother (currently 50) isn't helping herself. She had three breakdowns in the past (one in 2012 and two cannabis-induced ones in 2015) and she does take meds regularly though sometimes she goes without them (more on this later) which really has a negative impact on her mood.

    Okay, so last September she sent me an apologetic message on Facebook after I went to my dad's for a few extra days due to us having no electricity (we went about 3-4 days without any electric in September which was pretty bad but bearable - my mother did break the bathroom door from slamming it and I could her shouting while I was trying to sleep but meh, this was ages ago). Anyway, she told me that she'd change and go for walks with the dog and I, exercise and go outside but fast forward to now and she still spends most of the day in bed.

    My sister moved directly opposite us last December which is handy because I can just cross the road and pop in to see her. With such a close distance, there's no excuse for my mam not to see her but she spends the day in bed still. Literally, she's in bed when I wake up for school, in bed when I come home, in bed in the evening sometimes as it's difficult to get her up. Yet she'll stay up until the early hours of the morning which results in oversleeping and just makes her tired. I know she has had mental health issues but everyone seems to think it's more the case of her refusing to help herself and I agree.

    My brother (24) still lives with us but really wants to move out (I don't blame him). He used to do all the chores pretty much but I've been doing my fair share the past few months and my mother will do the dishes/mop the floor when asked. Otherwise she just sits down watching TV (don't get me wrong, I do the same). My brother was very stressed from being the only one doing the work and I think he's still a bit stressed now and he really wants to get our house sorted but he's also trying to get our mam to help herself.

    She complains about being anxious (which is fair - I prefer the comfort/familiarity of my home environment and sometimes wish I could spend my life in bed like her, but Ik this isn't practical). The thing is, we can only help her to help herself but she's very, very uncooperative with the latter. We try reminding her that she needs to be willing to help herself by going outside and doing things (she doesn't leave the house - at all). My brother has a friend with anxiety but you'd never guess because he leaves the house and puts the work in to help himself. We offer to go shopping with her/get meds with her to help her adjust to going outside but other than this, she doesn't leave! I haven't been helping out with the chores long enough but now that I'm mucking in with my share, I feel more productive...still need to start revising but small steps will get me there.

    My mother has her meds delivered atm but before, it was literally my brother's responsibility to go down the road and get them (I'm not old enough - tried getting them for her once when I was 15 and this is what they told me). A couple of times she's been without and this put her in a really evil mood.

    She's said a couple of times now that she's going to pay rent but instead decides to sleep in as always. I mean, my brother's the one sorting this out atm and he's the one phoning WH Ques to get our house sorted. Mam does nothing to help herself and will overreact sometimes when asked to do a chore. Like bloody hell, I don't like doing the dishes either but I don't sigh dramatically when I do them. :L

    She said she would visit my sister more often but no. Said she'd exercise (one of her resolutions for the New Year) but no. Doesn't walk the dog like she said she would. Accuses my brother and I of ganging up on her when we remind her of the need to help herself. Sometimes she storms back up to bed or shouts at us (mainly my brother). Accuses him of having a go at her, accuses us of nagging. God, you'd swear we were threating her at gunpoint sometimes. She doesn't get out of bed when it's too cold; okay so we sometimes go without gas and the house does get really cold but...really? We have a space heater and there are things called blankets. Have to make her a cup of tea for her to get up and even then, she sometimes takes ages (have to go up and remind me regularly that her tea's going cold). Recently, I've been reluctant to remind her of the need to get up because if I do this too much, she will storm downstairs, have a go, accuse me of nagging, etc. I mean, I'm grateful I've never had spankings from her (as the youngest, I've had way more leniency when it comes to punishments) and I'm grateful that she's never said the things she said to my brother last summer (said things like "hope you slip and break your neck"). Wishing your own son dead because you're in an evil mood. Charming.

    Just last Wednesday she had a go at me because I kept reminding her to get up; gave me a stinking look, gave me the middle finger...ha. Mature! I'm the teenager so surely I'm supposed to be the lazy one (well, I am lazy - really lazy, just not like her). I never have to get nagged to get up or go out. Worst thing is, I'm starting to notice my mother in myself (the amount of times I've told myself I'd change but haven't is really uncountable). But I'm getting there, slowly but surely. I can also say pretty nasty things when annoyed (as I have done in arguments) but unlike my mother, I live with constant regret over the horrible things I've said. Yes, I know this doesn't excuse past behaviour but I have (and do) apologise for this a lot.

    I am really, really sorry for the long post. Sometimes I hate my mother for the way she is as she's pretty useless at the moment, but to combat this, I remind myself that I'm lucky to have a mother and tell myself it's better than being abused, etc. Which it is. I'm grateful to have a mother and I'm luckier for having the most leniency when it comes to punishments. She's always been easier on me than my siblings and it's better to have her spend her life in bed than have no mother but we're trying to help her to help herself and she just won't. I've had enough of coming home to her in bed and having her arguing with my brother, treating him badly when she's in a mood. She's become dependent on him as he keeps the house together. I miss my childhood when she'd actually leave the house, go out, pick me up from school, be awake when I get home, etc. but nostalgia/longing isn't going to change this. God knows how I'm coming across as I know this is probably justa big fat heap of waffle so yeah...really, really sorry for that. If you've actually had the patience to read all that then I really do applaud you.
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    your picture low key scares the **** out of me o_o

    i'll just bump this up so other can see it
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    (Original post by Know Your Enemy)
    I can only apologise as this is going to be quite a long post. I'm the youngest of 4 siblings (30, 25, 24 and 17) and my mother (currently 50) isn't helping herself. She had three breakdowns in the past (one in 2012 and two cannabis-induced ones in 2015) and she does take meds regularly though sometimes she goes without them (more on this later) which really has a negative impact on her mood.

    Okay, so last September she sent me an apologetic message on Facebook after I went to my dad's for a few extra days due to us having no electricity (we went about 3-4 days without any electric in September which was pretty bad but bearable - my mother did break the bathroom door from slamming it and I could her shouting while I was trying to sleep but meh, this was ages ago). Anyway, she told me that she'd change and go for walks with the dog and I, exercise and go outside but fast forward to now and she still spends most of the day in bed.

    My sister moved directly opposite us last December which is handy because I can just cross the road and pop in to see her. With such a close distance, there's no excuse for my mam not to see her but she spends the day in bed still. Literally, she's in bed when I wake up for school, in bed when I come home, in bed in the evening sometimes as it's difficult to get her up. Yet she'll stay up until the early hours of the morning which results in oversleeping and just makes her tired. I know she has had mental health issues but everyone seems to think it's more the case of her refusing to help herself and I agree.

    My brother (24) still lives with us but really wants to move out (I don't blame him). He used to do all the chores pretty much but I've been doing my fair share the past few months and my mother will do the dishes/mop the floor when asked. Otherwise she just sits down watching TV (don't get me wrong, I do the same). My brother was very stressed from being the only one doing the work and I think he's still a bit stressed now and he really wants to get our house sorted but he's also trying to get our mam to help herself.

    She complains about being anxious (which is fair - I prefer the comfort/familiarity of my home environment and sometimes wish I could spend my life in bed like her, but Ik this isn't practical). The thing is, we can only help her to help herself but she's very, very uncooperative with the latter. We try reminding her that she needs to be willing to help herself by going outside and doing things (she doesn't leave the house - at all). My brother has a friend with anxiety but you'd never guess because he leaves the house and puts the work in to help himself. We offer to go shopping with her/get meds with her to help her adjust to going outside but other than this, she doesn't leave! I haven't been helping out with the chores long enough but now that I'm mucking in with my share, I feel more productive...still need to start revising but small steps will get me there.

    My mother has her meds delivered atm but before, it was literally my brother's responsibility to go down the road and get them (I'm not old enough - tried getting them for her once when I was 15 and this is what they told me). A couple of times she's been without and this put her in a really evil mood.

    She's said a couple of times now that she's going to pay rent but instead decides to sleep in as always. I mean, my brother's the one sorting this out atm and he's the one phoning WH Ques to get our house sorted. Mam does nothing to help herself and will overreact sometimes when asked to do a chore. Like bloody hell, I don't like doing the dishes either but I don't sigh dramatically when I do them. :L

    She said she would visit my sister more often but no. Said she'd exercise (one of her resolutions for the New Year) but no. Doesn't walk the dog like she said she would. Accuses my brother and I of ganging up on her when we remind her of the need to help herself. Sometimes she storms back up to bed or shouts at us (mainly my brother). Accuses him of having a go at her, accuses us of nagging. God, you'd swear we were threating her at gunpoint sometimes. She doesn't get out of bed when it's too cold; okay so we sometimes go without gas and the house does get really cold but...really? We have a space heater and there are things called blankets. Have to make her a cup of tea for her to get up and even then, she sometimes takes ages (have to go up and remind me regularly that her tea's going cold). Recently, I've been reluctant to remind her of the need to get up because if I do this too much, she will storm downstairs, have a go, accuse me of nagging, etc. I mean, I'm grateful I've never had spankings from her (as the youngest, I've had way more leniency when it comes to punishments) and I'm grateful that she's never said the things she said to my brother last summer (said things like "hope you slip and break your neck". Wishing your own son dead because you're in an evil mood. Charming.

    Just last Wednesday she had a go at me because I kept reminding her to get up; gave me a stinking look, gave me the middle finger...ha. Mature! I'm the teenager so surely I'm supposed to be the lazy one (well, I am lazy - really lazy, just not like her). I never have to get nagged to get up or go out. Worst thing is, I'm starting to notice my mother in myself (the amount of times I've told myself I'd change but haven't is really uncountable). But I'm getting there, slowly but surely. I can also say pretty nasty things when annoyed (as I have done in arguments) but unlike my mother, I live with constant regret over the horrible things I've said. Yes, I know this doesn't excuse past behaviour but I have (and do) apologise for this a lot.

    I am really, really sorry for the long post. Sometimes I hate my mother for the way she is as she's pretty useless at the moment, but to combat this, I remind myself that I'm lucky to have a mother and tell myself it's better than being abused, etc. Which it is. I'm grateful to have a mother and I'm luckier for having the most leniency when it comes to punishments. She's always been easier on me than my siblings and it's better to have her spend her life in bed than have no mother but we're trying to help her to help herself and she just won't. I've had enough of coming home to her in bed and having her arguing with my brother, treating him badly when she's in a mood. She's become dependent on him as he keeps the house together. I miss my childhood when she'd actually leave the house, go out, pick me up from school, be awake when I get home, etc. but nostalgia/longing isn't going to change this. God knows how I'm coming across as I know this is probably justa big fat heap of waffle so yeah...really, really sorry for that. If you've actually had the patience to read all that then I really do applaud you.
    I didn't read it all, so if I've gotten the message, your mum is depressed and spends a lot of time in bed.
    Will you leave when yor old enough, or will you stay for another few years?
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    (Original post by Ray_Shadows)
    your picture low key scares the **** out of me o_o

    i'll just bump this up so other can see it
    Haha, sorry about that. :laugh:
    It's a Manic Street Preachers album lol.

    And thank you for bumping the thread.
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    (Original post by IDOZ)
    I didn't read it all, so if I've gotten the message, your mum is depressed and spends a lot of time in bed.
    Will you leave when yor old enough, or will you stay for another few years?
    Hoping to go to uni straight after A-Levels (2019). The thought of such a big change is really overwhelming atm but I've still got the rest of Year 12 to go yet, and uni is the next step to pursue my ambition so yeah.

    In the mean time, I'm here. But I've got my sister's/dad's houses to go to. I just wish my mother would help herself. We keep reminding her but we can't really do much to help her anymore... it's her responsibility to help herself now.

    It's not so much depression anymore. It's more the case of her now being dependent on the brother who still lives with us. If she was still depressed, I'd be more sympathetic of her wants to stay in bed. She says she's tired but that's from oversleeping which isn't doing her sleep cycle any wonders. If only she was willing to correct it.
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    (Original post by Know Your Enemy)
    Hoping to go to uni straight after A-Levels (2019). The thought of such a big change is really overwhelming atm but I've still got the rest of Year 12 to go yet, and uni is the next step to pursue my ambition so yeah.

    In the mean time, I'm here. But I've got my sister's/dad's houses to go to. I just wish my mother would help herself. We keep reminding her but we can't really do much to help her anymore... it's her responsibility to help herself now.

    It's not so much depression anymore. It's more the case of her now being dependent on the brother who still lives with us. If she was still depressed, I'd be more sympathetic of her wants to stay in bed. She says she's tired but that's from oversleeping which isn't doing her sleep cycle any wonders. If only she was willing to correct it.
    Try talking to her about how you feel
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    (Original post by Know Your Enemy)
    Haha, sorry about that. :laugh:
    It's a Manic Street Preachers album lol.

    And thank you for bumping the thread.
    it's fine , the joker isn't the most friendly of faces either XD
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    (Original post by IDOZ)
    Try talking to her about how you feel
    That's good advice, but we've told her, honestly. She knows. She knows how important it is and she knows we're only reminding her as we don't want to see her waste her life in bed. Telling her what she already knows would lead to an accusation of nagging and an evil mood. I really don't want that. Cheers for the advice, though.
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