I'm writing this question because I really need some advice/opinions. I feel physically sick but through anxiety and uncertainty. I crave attention but I don't want someone to tell me I look nice nor do I want someone to tell me I'm good at something-I want someone to ask me if I'm okay. I want to let everything out all my frustrations and all my dark feelings. But when people do ask me if I'm okay the fear takes over and I lie. I'm incapable of being honest with myself or others. I have been involved with self harm but I don't really know why I do it, I can't pinpoint a reason. I sometimes hurt myself in ways no on will notice, so if i cut myself i will have a carefully thought through excuse to tell people however secretly I want someone to realise. I have manic moments not necessarily 'happy, motivating' manic moments more along the lines of very irritable, talkative, scary moments where I manic rant and become almost another person. I often miss university due to feelings of self doubt, worthlessness and inability to leave the house due to OCD compulsions(checking, doors, taps, oven etc) I have had help with this OCD. I feel miserable, I do love university but I'm struggling to just be happy because I'm not. I hate myself and I hate the person I am am how I come across. I will be saying something but fighting with self in my head telling myself 'why are you saying that' 'your making it worse' 'say something nice' but my mouth just continues to say everything that I don't want it to. I feel a burden on everyone and cannot shake the feeling that I am truly a waste of space. Sometimes I have sudden bursts of energy, motivation to do everything for example I toke up blogging, knitting, guitar, reading, dieting, gymnastics. None of these things last more than a few days then the depression kicks in again. I always feel on edge like I can't relax, butterflies 24/7 and I do sometimes have weird views on life like looking in from the outside, that probably makes no sense unless you have felt it. I have million more things I could say but i will leave it here for now any advice would be truly appreciated.
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm writing this question because I really need some advice/opinions. I feel physically sick but through anxiety and uncertainty. I crave attention but I don't want someone to tell me I look nice nor do I want someone to tell me I'm good at something-I want someone to ask me if I'm okay. I want to let everything out all my frustrations and all my dark feelings. But when people do ask me if I'm okay the fear takes over and I lie.
Legit me ^_^ when I was in year 9 I went through some mad phase where I would cut myself in the hope that one of my teachers noticed, however I was too scared to even try and let her see it. When she eventually found out I loved the attention she gave me. I’d never say how I was feeling, I just always liked the way she’d ask me how I was doing. 4 years later and I’ve only just gotten over this strange attachment to her and, whehey, I’ve got two more (bad time for humour sorry) as a psychology student, I personally believe what you are saying about the fact that you crave attention is due to an unsuccessful primary attachment in your early childhood. I could be completely wrong (please correct me) but this is what I put my issues down to. Of course, this is reinforced by mental health problems itself. I believe I’ve always had mental health problems, I feel like something must have triggered it and made it more prevalent, though. My best advice would be to seek help from your GP or uni counsellor. As embarrassing as it may seem, this kind of thing isn’t as uncommon as you think. Hope this helps
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