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Feeling hopeless: Anorexia, depression, panic watch

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    I'm just feeling so hopeless right now. I wanted to get out what I'm thinking onto a page.

    I'm doing A2s. I need BBB for uni, I'm not going to get that if i can't revise, I don't feel like I deserve that if i don't try.

    But I can't try. It's this horrible feeling, I want to, but I just can't face up to it. I'm so tired. Not sleep tired, fatigued. Everything feels fuzzy, a bit dim, things aren't moving as fast or as brightly as normal. Time doesn't pass like it normally does. Every so often I'll feel my heartbeat get fast, there are no thoughts to dispute or work with, it's just physically there.

    I've had the anxiety/panic disorder since early 2015 diagnosed in september that year. Then I developed depression following that and I have no idea when the eating disorder started, it just was. The ED has never been that bad. Well, I say that, it's really f*cking rough at times mentally but physically I'm alright I guess..

    It's just been so long. I'm so tired of it. I don't want to kill myself, but if someone said to me "take this pill and you'll never have existed" I would take it. I always feel like I'm being so overdramatic but I have to remind myself that sometimes I just feel things this way, it's not my fault. I'm hurting so much recently, I have plans for the future but its the present that is hard.

    I'm getting private cbt and it's much more effective than camhs ever was, but it's a process and right now it still feels awful. I'm not putting effort into restricting but the thoughts are hard and I've formed habits over the years. I can kind of control the anxiety, feel it and do it anyway, but I'm just so low. I've reached out for help with college, my tutors have done nothing to help academically like they constantly promise they will and my head of section has just told my parents. It's just lonely and frustrating.

    Can anyone relate? Thanks for reading.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm just feeling so hopeless right now. I wanted to get out what I'm thinking onto a page.

    I'm doing A2s. I need BBB for uni, I'm not going to get that if i can't revise, I don't feel like I deserve that if i don't try.

    But I can't try. It's this horrible feeling, I want to, but I just can't face up to it. I'm so tired. Not sleep tired, fatigued. Everything feels fuzzy, a bit dim, things aren't moving as fast or as brightly as normal. Time doesn't pass like it normally does. Every so often I'll feel my heartbeat get fast, there are no thoughts to dispute or work with, it's just physically there.

    I've had the anxiety/panic disorder since early 2015 diagnosed in september that year. Then I developed depression following that and I have no idea when the eating disorder started, it just was. The ED has never been that bad. Well, I say that, it's really f*cking rough at times mentally but physically I'm alright I guess..

    It's just been so long. I'm so tired of it. I don't want to kill myself, but if someone said to me "take this pill and you'll never have existed" I would take it. I always feel like I'm being so overdramatic but I have to remind myself that sometimes I just feel things this way, it's not my fault. I'm hurting so much recently, I have plans for the future but its the present that is hard.

    I'm getting private cbt and it's much more effective than camhs ever was, but it's a process and right now it still feels awful. I'm not putting effort into restricting but the thoughts are hard and I've formed habits over the years. I can kind of control the anxiety, feel it and do it anyway, but I'm just so low. I've reached out for help with college, my tutors have done nothing to help academically like they constantly promise they will and my head of section has just told my parents. It's just lonely and frustrating.

    Can anyone relate? Thanks for reading.
    Hi, sorry to here about your situation. I also do CBT and one method which has helped me (if you imagine a lot like I do) is by imagining myself doing revision before doing it and imagining getting good grades in order to motivate yourself and overcome negative thoughts. When it comes to revision, at least setting a goal to do a little bit once also helps instead of thinking about a whole big session of revision.
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    Hi,

    I can totally relate to some of what you talk about here. The whole wanting to do well, but not being able to thing is something I experience as well.

    Please know that you're definitely not alone in feeling the way you do and it's absolutely ok to talk about it!!

    The CBT if definitely a process, and hopefully you will find that more helpful over time!!
 
 
 
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