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    So basically I met this guy on a dating site and everything was going really well, we had quite a few dates around 8 or 9 and have been speaking for nearly a month. We would talk everyday, he would message me in the morning and ask how I was every morning. We arranged to meet on Valentine's day last week and he promised me he wouldn't cancel but on the day he said someone had rang in sick at work and be couldn't make it. All of a sudden after this he started being really distant and now his morning texts get later and later everyday. I asked him the other day what was wrong and he just said he had a lot on with work etc. The past few days he has been distant but fairly talkative until today he didn't message me until the evening and only replied a few times. I have tried giving him space and being nice etc but he's been distant now for nearly a week. I am thinking the worst that he's not into me anymore but I don't know what to do whether to ask him or just keep giving him space? Last time we saw each other a week ago he was still lovely and there was nothing to suggest he wasn't into me anymore. He has just gone distant all of a sudden since when he was supposed to see me on Valentine's day so I really don't have a clue what is going on with him?
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    So, you’ve met this person before?
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    As a guy, I can tell you we prioritise very, very, very, very, very poorly.

    Mind you, he could be fibbing the entire time, but he could also just be the guy who places a high importance on work. Why is that? Well, I do the exact same. It makes me feel important. "But personal relationships are important as ewll," you reply? Yes ... yes. Mum and dad disapprove of how I prioritise b/c of just the same, but I don't make the adjustment.

    Again, not saying your other is in the same boat, but I want to share that people focus on different points all the time without meaning negativity or harm.

    Does this answer your question? lol no

    The fact you reached out to him to ask is tops in my book. Let him know when you'd like to meet next and make exceptions (due to schedule). If he bails again, let him know how you feel. He appears to care. Sounds like you have a solid communication, so let us know what happens at that stage, yea? (You sound lovely, btw.)
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    For him to bail on Valentine’s Day is kind of a big deal. It’s fairly early on in the relationship so he should be jumping at the opportunity to prove to you that he’s a good, honest and genuinely lovely guy- bailing on Valentine’s Day and then becoming distant isn’t going to do that.

    Work is clearly important to him but surely he’s not working all of the time? Look at the way that he was talking when you first started dating and how he’s acting now, and if there’s a major difference then you either cut your losses and think “ah, the stress of wondering isn’t worth it” or just ask him if he would like to make plans for a day that he’s not busy with work. If he makes the plans and sticks to them, then great! He’s been honest and was just extremely busy with work, but if he says “I’ll let you know” or cancels the plans then it’s just not worth it!!
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    Most likely explanation: He's got someone else. Either before he met you, Or since he met you.

    Was his profile on the dating site still active on Valentines day?

    Have you spent the night at his home? If so any signs that it was really his secret pad, or that his wife was away?
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    (Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
    Most likely explanation: He's got someone else. Either before he met you, Or since he met you.

    Was his profile on the dating site still active on Valentines day?

    Have you spent the night at his home? If so any signs that it was really his secret pad, or that his wife was away?
    Nope his profile isn't on the site anymore and I thought about the wife thing but he's just started being distant randomly since Valentine's day so I'm thinking it's more that he might of met someone else since then
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    (Original post by bethallsorts)
    For him to bail on Valentine’s Day is kind of a big deal. It’s fairly early on in the relationship so he should be jumping at the opportunity to prove to you that he’s a good, honest and genuinely lovely guy- bailing on Valentine’s Day and then becoming distant isn’t going to do that.

    Work is clearly important to him but surely he’s not working all of the time? Look at the way that he was talking when you first started dating and how he’s acting now, and if there’s a major difference then you either cut your losses and think “ah, the stress of wondering isn’t worth it” or just ask him if he would like to make plans for a day that he’s not busy with work. If he makes the plans and sticks to them, then great! He’s been honest and was just extremely busy with work, but if he says “I’ll let you know” or cancels the plans then it’s just not worth it!!
    Normally we were seeing each other a couple of times a week but since cancelling Valentine's he hasn't suggested making anymore plans and I kinda don't want to ask because I'm scared he'll brush it off lol
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    (Original post by Apocalyps)
    As a guy, I can tell you we prioritise very, very, very, very, very poorly.

    Mind you, he could be fibbing the entire time, but he could also just be the guy who places a high importance on work. Why is that? Well, I do the exact same. It makes me feel important. "But personal relationships are important as ewll," you reply? Yes ... yes. Mum and dad disapprove of how I prioritise b/c of just the same, but I don't make the adjustment.

    Again, not saying your other is in the same boat, but I want to share that people focus on different points all the time without meaning negativity or harm.

    Does this answer your question? lol no

    The fact you reached out to him to ask is tops in my book. Let him know when you'd like to meet next and make exceptions (due to schedule). If he bails again, let him know how you feel. He appears to care. Sounds like you have a solid communication, so let us know what happens at that stage, yea? (You sound lovely, btw.)
    That's true but he was incredibly distant yesterday and I kinda feel like I shouldn't message him first because of that because I'm getting the impression he isn't interested anymore. I don't want to ask him again what's wrong as I know that could come across as needy and so I don't want to arrange plans or text him first because I don' want to seem like I'm pressuring him and plus if it is that he isn't interested anymore I'm going to look really stupid lol
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    Ask him why. There's no point speculating with strangers like "ooh it could be this" "but then it also could be this too". Just ask him. Call him and say "what's the deal, I thought it was going well. You're being distant and not talking to me for over a week. Tell me what's going on." And if he makes some bullsh*tty excuse, then I would just walk away. Why waste your time with someone who is messing you around? Be straight and honest with him, no point tiptoeing around him for fear of seeming too needy. It's not needy to wonder why someone who you had regular contact with suddenly goes away, because that is rude as f*ck and he needs to realise it or he will never find someone to settle down with.
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    (Original post by DrawTheLine)
    Ask him why. There's no point speculating with strangers like "ooh it could be this" "but then it also could be this too". Just ask him. Call him and say "what's the deal, I thought it was going well. You're being distant and not talking to me for over a week. Tell me what's going on." And if he makes some bullsh*tty excuse, then I would just walk away. Why waste your time with someone who is messing you around? Be straight and honest with him, no point tiptoeing around him for fear of seeming too needy. It's not needy to wonder why someone who you had regular contact with suddenly goes away, because that is rude as f*ck and he needs to realise it or he will never find someone to settle down with.
    And what makes you think he'd tell the truth, if he's met someone else and is just keeping the OP "in reserve"?

    It's reasonable to assume that he'd be able to lie convincingly about this.


    And in the unlikely, but still possible, event that he has been totally honest and above board, this line of questioning would poison their relationship at this stage.

    Giving him the third degree is not a wise course of action. There's nothing to be gained from it.

    The OP should just see how this plays out naturally. Whilst keeping on the look-out for other potential boyfriends.
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    (Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
    And what makes you think he'd tell the truth, if he's met someone else and is just keeping the OP "in reserve"?

    It's reasonable to assume that he'd be able to lie convincingly about this.


    And in the unlikely, but still possible, event that he has been totally honest and above board, this line of questioning would poison their relationship at this stage.

    Giving him the third degree is not a wise course of action. There's nothing to be gained from it.

    The OP should just see how this plays out naturally. Whilst keeping on the look-out for other potential boyfriends.
    Don't ask, you don't get. Don't moan about not knowing the answer to an important question if you're too afraid to ask.
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    (Original post by DrawTheLine)
    Don't ask, you don't get. Don't moan about not knowing the answer to an important question if you're too afraid to ask.
    In this case, your suggested questions are the wrong ones.

    What Ruby19 wants - I presume - is to see this guy again, or get closure on their relationship. With "seeing him again" being her preferred option.

    In which casse her question should be along the lines of "On Saturday evening I fancy doing / going to such and such with you. Are you up for that?"

    She should most definitely not start quizzing him about his behaviour. Because that's criticism. Criticism is the sure way to poison budding relationships.


    She will know all she needs to know by whether he turns up for their next proposed meeting or not.
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    Dunnig Kruger, valid point that DrawTheLine may not be asking the best questions. I believe the primary substance of what DrawTheLine brings is to have a conversation with the bloke instead of just speculating. It's better to have a conversation which goes either sweet or sour than to consume your precious time thinking the worst.

    Correct me if I'm wrong though, DrawTheLine.
 
 
 
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