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Best friend only messages to tell me about herself watch

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    Been best friends for years and years and we've managed to keep the friendship going for the past 3 years where we've both been at separate unis.
    Thing is, she definitely has no interest in anything going on in my life. The conversation always revolves around her and the moment it's even brought to me or something that isn't only about her, she'll stop replying frequently or even ignore me for hours and hours while still being active. She's always on her phone and always on facebook so it's not that she's busy, she just only wants to talk when it's about her.

    She has never even made any effort or suggested visiting me at my uni all these years. She seems to think her social life and uni life is better than mine, but that's because she doesn't even know about mine because I can never get a word in.
    Back at school we would tell each other the ins and outs of our relationships with boys and she still tells me all her boy stuff from uni. But the moment I mention anything she just says something like 'looool' or 'omg lol' and then changes conversation. She hardly knows anything about my last boyfriend or anything about my uni friends because if it's not related to her then it doesn't interest her.

    Even right now she's ignoring my messages but is active on facebook. We were messaging about some clothes she's looking at and then I mentioned a tv program I know we both watch and she still hasn't clicked on the message and it's the next day. I know she's not busy, she just can't be bothered. It's not that she doesn't like facebook messages, she loves it and is always on her phone scrolling through the feed and sending me stuff that she's getting up to or will send me pictures her friend has uploaded saying 'omg I look so bad' when she knows she doesn't, she just wants me to see them and wants me to compliment her.

    I've been putting up with it for so long now and I feel like I shouldn't throw a friendship away just like that because we've been best friends for so long and I've never had a connection like that. But it's getting to the point where I don't even know if she values me as a friend or if she just uses me to offload her stories and mini dramas or screenshots from her conversations.

    Have any of you dealt with a friend like this?

    Genuinely think this is why I'm on TSR so much because I can actually get my thoughts out. I do have other friends I message but there are certain things I'll only want to discuss with her because she is my closest and longest friend.
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    I feel you. I am in a similar situation with mum friend
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    End your friendship x I know it's hard as she has been your friend for so long but you will meet new people and you'll get closer to others. She seems like a toxic peron who believes the world revolves around her and you don't need people like that x If you are not willing to end it give her a taste of her own medicine. Ignore her for days and comment lol on topics she talks about so she knows how you feel. This will also show you how she will react as if she creates a fuss then you need to realise that there are better people out there who will care about you to. I hope everything works out x
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Been best friends for years and years and we've managed to keep the friendship going for the past 3 years where we've both been at separate unis.
    Thing is, she definitely has no interest in anything going on in my life. The conversation always revolves around her and the moment it's even brought to me or something that isn't only about her, she'll stop replying frequently or even ignore me for hours and hours while still being active. She's always on her phone and always on facebook so it's not that she's busy, she just only wants to talk when it's about her.

    She has never even made any effort or suggested visiting me at my uni all these years. She seems to think her social life and uni life is better than mine, but that's because she doesn't even know about mine because I can never get a word in.
    Back at school we would tell each other the ins and outs of our relationships with boys and she still tells me all her boy stuff from uni. But the moment I mention anything she just says something like 'looool' or 'omg lol' and then changes conversation. She hardly knows anything about my last boyfriend or anything about my uni friends because if it's not related to her then it doesn't interest her.

    Even right now she's ignoring my messages but is active on facebook. We were messaging about some clothes she's looking at and then I mentioned a tv program I know we both watch and she still hasn't clicked on the message and it's the next day. I know she's not busy, she just can't be bothered. It's not that she doesn't like facebook messages, she loves it and is always on her phone scrolling through the feed and sending me stuff that she's getting up to or will send me pictures her friend has uploaded saying 'omg I look so bad' when she knows she doesn't, she just wants me to see them and wants me to compliment her.

    I've been putting up with it for so long now and I feel like I shouldn't throw a friendship away just like that because we've been best friends for so long and I've never had a connection like that. But it's getting to the point where I don't even know if she values me as a friend or if she just uses me to offload her stories and mini dramas or screenshots from her conversations.

    Have any of you dealt with a friend like this?

    Genuinely think this is why I'm on TSR so much because I can actually get my thoughts out. I do have other friends I message but there are certain things I'll only want to discuss with her because she is my closest and longest friend.
    Depends. You can mention it to her and if you are that close she will listen and amend or you can slowly drop her.

    Just leave her to it get on with your own life and let her post away. You dont have to respond.
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    I had a friendship like that and threw it away... best decision ever. You can't be friends with someone who's so self obsessed to the point where you can't even get your point across. Remember, it's not just about them in this friendship but it's also about YOU! Don't forget yourself within all that. It might feel like a connection you've never felt before but that's not the end. There are many people out there who you can connect with, there's no point in you wasting your friendship and time on someone like her. Tell her how you feel and move on.
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    (Original post by TheEnchantress)
    End your friendship x I know it's hard as she has been your friend for so long but you will meet new people and you'll get closer to others. She seems like a toxic peron who believes the world revolves around her and you don't need people like that x If you are not willing to end it give her a taste of her own medicine. Ignore her for days and comment lol on topics she talks about so she knows how you feel. This will also show you how she will react as if she creates a fuss then you need to realise that there are better people out there who will care about you to. I hope everything works out x
    Yeah I do take longer to reply to messages sometimes. She'll either retaliate and ignore me for ages as well, or she'll try and win me back with loads of messages and memes. But then it'll go back to how it was with her talking only about herself. I don't even send that much about myself now because 1) I know how draining it can get for the other person especially someone as self centred as her, 2) I know she won't reply or offer advice if I need it so it's pointless.
    When I do ignore her for a while, I think sometimes she realises her faults at the time, but it then doesn't stop her from making the same mistake over and over again. And now even when she does reply out of politeness to something I've said, I know she doesn't care, she's only replying so she can justify her sending 20 messages about some boy that looked at her.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yeah I do take longer to reply to messages sometimes. She'll either retaliate and ignore me for ages as well, or she'll try and win me back with loads of messages and memes. But then it'll go back to how it was with her talking only about herself. I don't even send that much about myself now because 1) I know how draining it can get for the other person especially someone as self centred as her, 2) I know she won't reply or offer advice if I need it so it's pointless.
    When I do ignore her for a while, I think sometimes she realises her faults at the time, but it then doesn't stop her from making the same mistake over and over again. And now even when she does reply out of politeness to something I've said, I know she doesn't care, she's only replying so she can justify her sending 20 messages about some boy that looked at her.
    I've been through something similar and the best advice I could give you is cut them out of your life. Whether you do this gradually or cut off all contact with them that is your decision. But once you have, it will feel as if a massive burden has been lifted. You need too take control of your life or people will always walk over you. It feels like a big deal now but once you start focusing on yourself, in a couple of months you won't even think about this person as you will be too worked up in your own life x
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Depends. You can mention it to her and if you are that close she will listen and amend or you can slowly drop her.

    Just leave her to it get on with your own life and let her post away. You dont have to respond.
    Yeah the thing is, even if I do mention it to her and she starts all of a sudden taking an interest in my life, I'll know it's forced because she's never cared before and still won't care now. I think she probably doesn't respect me because she knows I'll always be there for her and will always get around to replying and will take an interest in her life. Whereas I know some of her uni friends aren't as good at replying. So I notice when she messages them, she makes more of an effort to keep it balanced. But with me she knows she doesn't have to try because we'll always be friends.
    I'm not someone that always replies instantly though because I don't actually like messaging that much, so it's not that I'm always available, it's just she knows I give good replies and actually listen.

    I will probably have to slowly distance myself from her and stop kidding myself that we're true best friends.
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    (Original post by ILuvFood1234)
    I had a friendship like that and threw it away... best decision ever. You can't be friends with someone who's so self obsessed to the point where you can't even get your point across. Remember, it's not just about them in this friendship but it's also about YOU! Don't forget yourself within all that. It might feel like a connection you've never felt before but that's not the end. There are many people out there who you can connect with, there's no point in you wasting your friendship and time on someone like her. Tell her how you feel and move on.
    Yeah it's such a one sided friendship now. And that's true there are so many people I could have the same connection with. She only holds the best friend title because it's been around 15 years.
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    (Original post by TheEnchantress)
    I've been through something similar and the best advice I could give you is cut them out of your life. Whether you do this gradually or cut off all contact with them that is your decision. But once you have, it will feel as if a massive burden has been lifted. You need too take control of your life or people will always walk over you. It feels like a big deal now but once you start focusing on yourself, in a couple of months you won't even think about this person as you will be too worked up in your own life x
    Thanks for the advice. You're probably right. She isn't exactly much of a friend to me now so I probably don't need her in my life. I will do it gradually.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yeah the thing is, even if I do mention it to her and she starts all of a sudden taking an interest in my life, I'll know it's forced because she's never cared before and still won't care now. I think she probably doesn't respect me because she knows I'll always be there for her and will always get around to replying and will take an interest in her life. Whereas I know some of her uni friends aren't as good at replying. So I notice when she messages them, she makes more of an effort to keep it balanced. But with me she knows she doesn't have to try because we'll always be friends.
    I'm not someone that always replies instantly though because I don't actually like messaging that much, so it's not that I'm always available, it's just she knows I give good replies and actually listen.

    I will probably have to slowly distance myself from her and stop kidding myself that we're true best friends.
    Focus on your own life, dont burn bridges , but dont waste effort. Maybe she will change in future after uni, but dont waste time.
    Focus on you.
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    I don't mind friends like yours. The ones that love the sound of the their own voices, whilst being hopeless listeners.

    I see them as someone to share fun times with. I'm happy to stay friends with people like this - but they won't be as close as friends that have listening skills.

    Her ranting on about her own life is harmless. You don't have to pay much attention to it.
    Don't bother telling her anything about your own life if she's not interested.

    And when you're together with her, there are times when you might have to be politely assertive.
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    (Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
    I don't mind friends like yours. The ones that love the sound of the their own voices, whilst being hopeless listeners.

    I see them as someone to share fun times with. I'm happy to stay friends with people like this - but they won't be as close as friends that have listening skills.

    Her ranting on about her own life is harmless. You don't have to pay much attention to it.
    Don't bother telling her anything about your own life if she's not interested.

    And when you're together with her, there are times when you might have to be politely assertive.
    Yeah tbf I do know a lot of people like this but they're just friends of mine or reasonably close friends. Don't think they're qualities I want in a best friend though. Yeah I don't bother telling her as much these days although then I sometimes feel like I'm making it even more one sided. Maybe for the past couple of years she hasn't seen me as a best friend either since we spend most of our time apart at uni. In real life there's more of a balance when it's just the two of us, but whenever we're in a group situation all the focus is on her.
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    Give her taste of her own medicine..
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yeah it's such a one sided friendship now. And that's true there are so many people I could have the same connection with. She only holds the best friend title because it's been around 15 years.
    Its not time that makes someone a best friend, its chemistry (which between you two, is very lacking). And this long length of time you've known each other, has created the illusion that there is much more of substance to the friendship than what ever actually existed.

    1. (As a general side note)
    A lot of friendships are born only through mutually shared circumstances/pursuits however what many people take a while to realize, is that the mutually shared circumstances/pursuits are the only depth the friendship has (and that depth is mostly an illusion; change the common circumstances/pursuit, and the friendship quickly crumbles/dissipates/grows distant).

    Common shared stuff often boils down to "We work in the same department!", "We both go to the same school!" "We both love drinking and partying at the weekends!", "We live in the same close vicinity (same village, same dorm, same apartment etc)!", "We're both mutually lonely people (and hanging out with each other fills the void)" etc.

    And what you will witness a lot as you grow older, is a great deal of friendships fizzling out as people's circumstances change. A really common deal changer is people having children; no longer having the will/time/money to go out partying at the weekends on the regular basis, the one main strong thing the group had in common (getting wasted) suddenly disappears (and so all the contact that was founded on it also begins to dry up). But then equally, now having children in common with other people, it creates new a circumstance for the parent to build new "friendships" on (and so suddenly you see a lot of parents social lives revolving around the shared fact with other people that they have children).

    In the case of you and your friend, the only thing the friendship really has going for it is the length of time that you had known each other for (but what did you actually have in common? Very little- you're two very different people who have simply hung around this long because of shared circumstances). And now you're no long enjoying the company, it's quickly revealing how little of substance you two actually shared together.

    What does this all mean? Were you actually friends before (and are you friends now)? How do you deal with all this?

    I think there are different grades of "friendship" and that rather than having any real chemistry, most "friendships" actually just boil down to people sharing simple personal self-orientated needs/circumstances together combined with a general capability to get along together.

    Getting along with people is quite easy, but it doesn't necessarily make for true friendship. And people and their circumstances change all the time (so that life will be full of stories of becoming closer to and then more distant from countless people over the years).

    It sucks, but it's just a fact of life. But unless you've actually grown to really proactively dislike the person in question (in which case you will definitely be better off without them at all in your life), then deliberately burning any bridges (so for example making your annoyed feelings at your friend very known to them), will not reap you any dividends. Often the best thing is to simply to accept the change, stop putting so much effort into the friendship (the messages, the invites etc) and gracefully get on with your life in a cool, dignified & proactive way.

    2. And this then leads to the next point: Considering that most friendships will become distant over time (not really enemies, but things eventually boiling down to a point of barely any contact or mutually requited interests etc), unless you want to end up feeling socially isolated, then you have to always be open to meeting and making new friends as you continue to advance through life. Be adaptable!

    The challenge with this though, is that friendships which were once very close (or which lasted for a very long time) can be difficult to accept the decline & loss of and get over (in life, you can even sometimes suffer a sort of "mourning" period over the loss of friendships). And when an important (or at least once important!) friendship is reaching the end of it's natural life expectancy, your mental energies and efforts can become very focused on the declining friendship, so that instead of moving on and concentrating on much more productive/graspable life ends (making new friends, focusing on your work/education), you end up in a sort of life limbo as you pour a lot of effort/mental energy into a dead end friendship.
    This is the worst sort of situation (when the difficulties experienced over a friendship meeting it's natural end, ends up harming/negatively impacting on your life).

    You may feel some feelings of resentment towards this girl (disliking how little interest she has shown in you despite you spending a lot of time on her, etc) however the mistake is actually yours (for not standing up for more requited treatment in the friendship and not acknowledging/realizing the warning signs earlier). At this point, getting or feeling angry towards her will achieve nothing productive/positive for you. So now this friendship is ending, it's best to accept the status quo as much and best you can.
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    uh YEAH, my main 'friend' is like that. Every. single. damn conversation its all me, me, me. me and my family this and me and my family that. One time my mum was ill and I told her (because for once I wanted sympathy) and she responded with 'yeah my mum have been ill too' and naturally went into conversation about her mum AGAIN! so ****ing selfish, this is why everyone hates her guts and she honestly can't understand why. such a brat.
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    (Original post by Feastful)
    Its not time that makes someone a best friend, its chemistry (which between you two, is very lacking). And this long length of time you've known each other, has created the illusion that there is much more of substance to the friendship than what ever actually existed.

    1. (As a general side note)
    A lot of friendships are born only through mutually shared circumstances/pursuits however what many people take a while to realize, is that the mutually shared circumstances/pursuits are the only depth the friendship has (and that depth is mostly an illusion; change the common circumstances/pursuit, and the friendship quickly crumbles/dissipates/grows distant).

    Common shared stuff often boils down to "We work in the same department!", "We both go to the same school!" "We both love drinking and partying at the weekends!", "We live in the same close vicinity (same village, same dorm, same apartment etc)!", "We're both mutually lonely people (and hanging out with each other fills the void)" etc.

    And what you will witness a lot as you grow older, is a great deal of friendships fizzling out as people's circumstances change. A really common deal changer is people having children; no longer having the will/time/money to go out partying at the weekends on the regular basis, the one main strong thing the group had in common (getting wasted) suddenly disappears (and so all the contact that was founded on it also begins to dry up). But then equally, now having children in common with other people, it creates new a circumstance for the parent to build new "friendships" on (and so suddenly you see a lot of parents social lives revolving around the shared fact with other people that they have children).

    In the case of you and your friend, the only thing the friendship really has going for it is the length of time that you had known each other for (but what did you actually have in common? Very little- you're two very different people who have simply hung around this long because of shared circumstances). And now you're no long enjoying the company, it's quickly revealing how little of substance you two actually shared together.

    What does this all mean? Were you actually friends before (and are you friends now)? How do you deal with all this?

    I think there are different grades of "friendship" and that rather than having any real chemistry, most "friendships" actually just boil down to people sharing simple personal self-orientated needs/circumstances together combined with a general capability to get along together.

    Getting along with people is quite easy, but it doesn't necessarily make for true friendship. And people and their circumstances change all the time (so that life will be full of stories of becoming closer to and then more distant from countless people over the years).

    It sucks, but it's just a fact of life. But unless you've actually grown to really proactively dislike the person in question (in which case you will definitely be better off without them at all in your life), then deliberately burning any bridges (so for example making your annoyed feelings at your friend very known to them), will not reap you any dividends. Often the best thing is to simply to accept the change, stop putting so much effort into the friendship (the messages, the invites etc) and gracefully get on with your life in a cool, dignified & proactive way.

    2. And this then leads to the next point: Considering that most friendships will become distant over time (not really enemies, but things eventually boiling down to a point of barely any contact or mutually requited interests etc), unless you want to end up feeling socially isolated, then you have to always be open to meeting and making new friends as you continue to advance through life. Be adaptable!

    The challenge with this though, is that friendships which were once very close (or which lasted for a very long time) can be difficult to accept the decline & loss of and get over (in life, you can even sometimes suffer a sort of "mourning" period over the loss of friendships). And when an important (or at least once important!) friendship is reaching the end of it's natural life expectancy, your mental energies and efforts can become very focused on the declining friendship, so that instead of moving on and concentrating on much more productive/graspable life ends (making new friends, focusing on your work/education), you end up in a sort of life limbo as you pour a lot of effort/mental energy into a dead end friendship.
    This is the worst sort of situation (when the difficulties experienced over a friendship meeting it's natural end, ends up harming/negatively impacting on your life).

    You may feel some feelings of resentment towards this girl (disliking how little interest she has shown in you despite you spending a lot of time on her, etc) however the mistake is actually yours (for not standing up for more requited treatment in the friendship and not acknowledging/realizing the warning signs earlier). At this point, getting or feeling angry towards her will achieve nothing productive/positive for you. So now this friendship is ending, it's best to accept the status quo as much and best you can.

    I don't know. We have always been opposites in our personalities and traits but when you've spent so much time with someone for so many years and grown up together especially during those awkward teen years you become quite similar in your morals, political views, preferences, tastes in things etc because we've always had each other to discuss these things with. We've had other friends throughout the years and been in groups of 3's and 4's but those friendships have ended and the two of us always remained strong. Meeting new people at uni is great and I've made some really nice friends but they don't compare with my best friend because me and these new friends have so many differences in interests, views on things. Obviously it's great to have friends with such different views and different hobbies but it's comforting having a best friend you don't have to be so politically correct with and know you can just be open about everything.
    Trust me I've lost quite a few friends over the years either from me distancing or them distancing from the group. I know it's a natural part of growing up but this friendship has always been there. I feel like maybe you've gotten the wrong impression of this friendship and that we've only been friends because we were at the same school but there's more to it than that. We just always understood each other and felt like we were the only normal ones.
    So basically underneath all this there is a strong friendship and connection. But it's kind of like we're sisters and we know we'll always be family and she doesn't need to put the effort in.
    I noticed her lack of effort a couple years ago but then over the summer and christmas holidays when we'd be back home things would always go back to normal again and I'd be reminded of how unbreakable our friendship was. During term time we do have our good moments and have some good conversations. But day to day it's not the friendship it used to be. I don't give her as much time as I used to give her because I'm in my final year and she's on a year out so she doesn't have much work. So I don't really have time to be listening to her mini dramas all day. It's not that I'm not interested it's just I don't really have time to be listening to stories about what her uni mate's home mate's ex's boyfriend did. Especially when I know if I have a problem or a story there's no point sharing with her.

    I'm just going to accept that this is how it is and I'm not going to force things. Will see what happens.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    uh YEAH, my main 'friend' is like that. Every. single. damn conversation its all me, me, me. me and my family this and me and my family that. One time my mum was ill and I told her (because for once I wanted sympathy) and she responded with 'yeah my mum have been ill too' and naturally went into conversation about her mum AGAIN! so ****ing selfish, this is why everyone hates her guts and she honestly can't understand why. such a brat.
    I know exactly what you mean.
    Or they'll give sh*t half hearted sympathy/advice.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Been best friends for years and years and we've managed to keep the friendship going for the past 3 years where we've both been at separate unis.
    Thing is, she definitely has no interest in anything going on in my life. The conversation always revolves around her and the moment it's even brought to me or something that isn't only about her, she'll stop replying frequently or even ignore me for hours and hours while still being active. She's always on her phone and always on facebook so it's not that she's busy, she just only wants to talk when it's about her.

    She has never even made any effort or suggested visiting me at my uni all these years. She seems to think her social life and uni life is better than mine, but that's because she doesn't even know about mine because I can never get a word in.
    Back at school we would tell each other the ins and outs of our relationships with boys and she still tells me all her boy stuff from uni. But the moment I mention anything she just says something like 'looool' or 'omg lol' and then changes conversation. She hardly knows anything about my last boyfriend or anything about my uni friends because if it's not related to her then it doesn't interest her.

    Even right now she's ignoring my messages but is active on facebook. We were messaging about some clothes she's looking at and then I mentioned a tv program I know we both watch and she still hasn't clicked on the message and it's the next day. I know she's not busy, she just can't be bothered. It's not that she doesn't like facebook messages, she loves it and is always on her phone scrolling through the feed and sending me stuff that she's getting up to or will send me pictures her friend has uploaded saying 'omg I look so bad' when she knows she doesn't, she just wants me to see them and wants me to compliment her.

    I've been putting up with it for so long now and I feel like I shouldn't throw a friendship away just like that because we've been best friends for so long and I've never had a connection like that. But it's getting to the point where I don't even know if she values me as a friend or if she just uses me to offload her stories and mini dramas or screenshots from her conversations.

    Have any of you dealt with a friend like this?

    Genuinely think this is why I'm on TSR so much because I can actually get my thoughts out. I do have other friends I message but there are certain things I'll only want to discuss with her because she is my closest and longest friend.
    I feel you

    I think it’s time to move inn and equally tell her how you feel

    My friend is excactly the same. One time she called me sixteen times,only to find out she called me out of boredom. She always talks about her problems and likes to Center our conversations around her.

    I have just about had enough yesterday and told her how I felt.

    I told her I felt like we have grown apart but that was not an excuse to treat each other for granted.

    True friends are meant to build you up. They are meant to be there every step of the way no matter what. True friendships are meant to flourish because both parties are willing to go the extra mile to make each other happy.

    It does not seem like she cares and to me that is a huge red flag.

    Defo speak to her and be honest and if she does not change, it may mean you need to find true fiends who truly care about you and your well being
 
 
 
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