This is the story of how I went from being an out going guy to bring depressed.
So last summer I got my A-level grades, I was jubilant, happy to be going to university with Distinction *, B, C, D. I was so excited and when I got to uni it summed up the path for then up to now.
I arrived on September 15th in Halls looking forward to seeing my new house mates for the year, then it struck me. I didn’t like any of them they were dirty, noisy and never wanted to do anything.
Of course you’re at university for the course not the living. So I was still optimistic, but then I realised by mid November that the course wasn’t what I wanted. I hated it in fact, I couldn’t be bothered and I sat in my room for days on end as I didn’t want to do anything. So on December 1st 2017 I dropped out of university.
This should have been the start of something special a new begging, but it wasn’t. I was looking for a part time job to just get the days to go by but I couldn’t find one.
Then something else happened to me, this girl who I really liked at school from when I was 17 and she was 14 (sort of too much of an age gap) popped up on my recommended on Instagram. She was 15 but I could just see me and her being right and being together but the laws stopping me from speaking to her or being with her made me feel so bad, like I haven’t felt this way about a girl before but as she was 18 and I 15 it couldn’t happen, and it’s wrong probably but I did masturbate thinking of her and now I’ve convinced myself I’ve broken the law and I’m going to prison. So I got support from the NSPCC and others to help me forget about it all.
So that sort of worked (even though I still think about her most days), but then I got a job I thought this is a new beginning a way to find myself but no. I’m going down mentally taking anxiety and sleeping pills. I have since been to the GP but they make you do that well being service before anything real is done and that hasn’t helped me.
I’m typing this now because I’m not me anymore, I use to love sports, football in specific, movies and other things but now I barely want to wake up and get on with my day. I haven’t self harmed and I don’t plan too but the other day I felt like pulling my hair out whilst in the bath.
I’m not suicidal, I’m just lost and scared.
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I’m worried about myself. (18 year old male) watch
- Thread Starter
- 21-02-2018 17:54
- 21-02-2018 18:26