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Boyfriend won't tell his ex we are because he's afraid she will attempt suicide watch

    • Thread Starter

    I've been seeing someone for three months now. I'm almost twenty and it's my first relationship. Everything is great except for the fact that his ex girlfriend of four months (who is part of his main friendship group) doesn't know we exist because he is afraid she will attempt suicide again. Because of this I have not yet met his friends, and feel extremely guilty for her sake even though she does not know I exist.
    Is it right for my boyfriend to hide our relationship from her, given they are still relatively friendly, to prevent her from attempting suicide? I understand his initial concern given the closeness between their relationship finishing and ours standing but it's reached a point where I feel made to feel very guilty about someone else's welfare. I don't want to pressure him into telling her in case it triggers her, but if she were to find out by other means accidentally I think that would be even worse.
    I'm curious to seek other opinions
    • #1

    He obviously still cares for her wellbeing which is understandable, but he will also care about you just as much, if not more. You need to base your relationship on honesty and therefore should talk to him about how you feel. Of course he will understand! Its probably even a worry of his, like he will want you and his friends to get along. If he goes against it and questions why you want more publicity he may have another issue, I highly doubt this but just keep an open mind. BEST OF LUCK

    Hi, i dont think its a relationship you need to hide, its yours and your partners choice who you tell even though it’s no ones business. This girl has friends and whatever the reason is as to why she wants to kill herself, your partner cant be her problem anymore. Hes moved on but she hasnt. I agree with you about her overly reacting and much worse if she finds out from others but theres nothing she can do about it. I think this girl needs to seek help asap if shes wanting her life to end. Its not healthy for her, her family and her friends. Im here if you need to talk, pm me x
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    you cannot blame yourself for someone else's mental problems. this unfortunate young lady should be encouraged to seek treatment and move on with her life rather than disrupting your life.

    In the short term it's reasonable but as the relationship progresses he needs to tell her. You can't shelter her forever and you're totally right that if she finds out by herself she will be very upset. At least if he takes charge he can let her parents know he's told her something upsetting and tell some other friends to be nearby so they can look after her. Better to do that sooner rather than later tbh.
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