Hey I'm not young anymore I'm 30 - let me just say that - nor am I in any way happy. I'm not clinically depressed; I have bipolar so can get low, and am currently in hospital atm - I don't have anyone to talk to it's all well and good planning for discharge in 2-3 weeks but then what? They recommend going back to my flat as I have a tenancy but i'm out of there ASAP. but I just don't envisage myself leading a comfortable, happy, stable life which would be the next goal up, how do I leap up there; knowing I have one last crack of the whip and I don't really have any margins for error?
The Daughter song medicine sums it up - you have a warm heart, beautiful brain; I do have a good heart and am clever.
I just don't think I'll ever realise that potential.
Its been teetering on this now for some time. But the amount of meds has made me lazy and sluggish.
I have ideas and plans now; I have momentum, maybe I'm slightly hypomanic but they're realistic goals.
I know I can't be alone both romantically and socially any longer. It makes me feel lousy, angry, bitter and depressed and I have tried. I really have. And I am now just so apathetic I do not care.
I am emotionally mute, there is no life - I've self harmed for the first few times over the last few weeks -
My family have offered zero support, I do not have any friends.
I have one last try - there is no room for error - if I fail I will do something - not what I'll regret - maybe they will for running me into the ground> But I know I have nothing to lose now. And every ounce of care has been removed cos that is what held me back - the fact that my family would suffer but they never thought of that with ME so why not "spite" them?
I have no one to chat to, I drift now through life and that's a protected life whilst I remain hospitalised. So when the means to are there..
But I know I need the bare minimum to happiness and is that ever even going t be enough when I don't even feel alive or emotions???
Turn on thread page Beta
I just feel lost and like my life slipped away. watch
- Thread Starter
- 22-02-2018 09:21
- 22-02-2018 12:26
I understand completely. I’ve tried to kill my self multiple times, but I promise you it does get better. I am on 100mg sertraline (antidepressants) and they really helped give me the initial boost that I needed to get out of the dark place I was in.
I’m so sorry that you feel like you have no one and essentially no purpose. I suggest you maybe try volunteering and helping people who are in a tough place in life. Helping the homeless or the injured or ex military can really help you feel good. It shows how YOUR existence IS important if you make it important.
I know it’s hard to take the first step to happiness so I would severely recommend antidepressants (sertraline in particular), just so then you feel better and can begin to focus on what you are going to do each day. Take every day, one at a time. If it makes you feel better planning, then do that. Plan for a holiday, or finding a good job etc. Do you like animals? Consider getting yourself a pet. Having a pet gives you a clear purpose and a reason to wake up to look after another life.
All the best.
- 22-02-2018 12:28
Aight I had a feeling you were gonna post somethin like this. To be honest dude I ain't gonna tell you whether or not your life slipped away from you or not. Cause that's impossible to tell. Just conquer the demons I guess. Wow I am dark.