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Please could someone mark my English literature practice question? watch

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    I would really appreciate it if someone could mark this the English literature practice question I did on power and conflict. The question is;

    Compare how poets present power and conflict in 'Exposure' and another poem from the 'Power and Conflict' cluster(30marks)

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    From what I've read (feel free to prove me wrong) I can't see much context whatsoever, apart from your comment that one of the poems is a "ballad".
    If I was an examiner, I would not be able to give you more than 1-5 marks, because of your lack of context.

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    If I let your lack of context slide, it's probably maximum 10 marks.
    The vocabulary within the essay is fairly poor.
    "To make it sound harsh", "loads of bullets", "shows" and "use" are vocab you would not see in the 16-30 mark range.

    Furthermore, you've made a conclusion in the middle of the essay. Conclusions are meant for the end of an essay (because when you say "In conclusion", you're concluding (ending) your essay). It adds to the "clunky" style of this piece, and would most certainly put off an examiner.

    You have used subject terminology well, like "adjective", "noun" and "sibilance", which is good.
    It's definitely not a terrible effort, but it can be improved drastically, especially if you want to pass your exam with a good grade.

    By the way, if you think my marking is harsh, just remember that examiners will be worse.
    They will not re-read the essay to look for context. They don't have the time.
    They won't put in effort to read an essay with poor handwriting and poorly formed sentences. Again, they don't have the time.
    Not to mention you're going against the country in the exam.
    That's thousands of other students who may have added more context or had a better style, and got a better mark than you.
    That's going to lower your grade further.
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    Well I just had this marked this the other day and she said she would say it is worth 22/30 marks
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    (Original post by daneel)
    Well I just had this marked this the other day and she said she would say it is worth 22/30 marks
    your teacher is a lier
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    (Original post by daneel)
    Well I just had this marked this the other day and she said she would say it is worth 22/30 marks
    Welp, this just goes to show how messed up the marking system is.

    One examiner will give you a fail, and another will give you an A*. Unlucky.
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    Also, A03 is worth only 6 marks while A02 and A03 are worth 12 marks. It is not just about the vocabulary you use, it is mainly about proving your points
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    "Proving your points" is great and all, but considering you had little to no context, and that's needed for even 1-5 marks, you won't be getting 22/30 marks.

    Please remember that when you do your exam, you're going against the whole country. There will be other students who do put in context, and will get a higher mark than you.
    The average of the country is calculated and becomes the grade boundary for a pass. If you fall under that mark because you didn't add in context, then I'm afraid to say you're not going to be happy with your result.

    It's important to not put yourself down, but also be realistic. You'd rather have harsh marking, that will be like the marking of an examiner, than kind marking.
    Kind marking doesn't do anyone good, especially for students.
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    There wasn't much context relevant to what I was talking about
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    There's always context you can mention. Always.
    I don't mean to sound rude, and I'm sorry if I do, but that's not a good excuse.

    To get a higher grade, you need to be able to mould context into whatever the question is asking you to do.

    Even if you feel it wasn't relevant, you need to add it in.
    Talk about the poets and their influences and upbringings.

    I don't even do the Power and Conflict cluster, but looking online for 2 minutes I found this.
    https://www.bbc.co.uk/education/guid...p39/revision/6

    And that's me searching for 2-3 minutes.
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    I know I could have added More context but I think that you are supposed to mark A01, A02 and A03 separately. The picture you just showed of the mark scheme is just a brief guide in marking the exam.
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    They all combine to make your final mark. If you have poor context, it will lower your overall mark.
    Let's look over AO2, if you feel that context isn't too important, and you won't believe me that your work is not higher than level 1/2.
    You haven't mentioned the effect on the reader. That is also key in getting a high mark.
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    As well as context, you needed to mention effect on the reader.
    Your supposed 22/30 needed strong examination of that.

    I don't want to waste any more time on this thread. I've given you my supported opinion, with clear links to the mark scheme.
    I've tried to mark like an examiner, but I've been less harsh; in my first reply, I did say I would let the lack of context slide, and gave you 10 marks.

    If you want to ignore my marking, then that's fine. Just know that I'm going off the mark scheme, and the examiner would too.
    You did not mention context nor the reader, both needed in detail for your 22/30.
    That's all I want to say.
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    Agreed with Kiki._., but I'd just like to add some things.

    First of all I presume you mean 'emphasise' rather than 'empathize'...

    Also, you need to compare the texts more closely. Pick an aspect that both texts have (a similarity) and then say how this is intended to create a different effect in the other poem or that this makes the tone different in the other poem, etc. I see how at the end of your first paragraph you mentioned the similar ways in which conflict is presented due to the use of weapons like cannons - this needs to be moved to the start of the paragraph. I didn't know what this paragraph was intending to do until I got to the end of it which is not what you want. Rather than making one paragraph for similarities and one for differences, try and pick a similarity and develop it into a difference- I can't tell you an example that you'll know as I don't do those poems. You'll want to do something like this: In the poems Exposure and Charge of the Light Brigade, *said structure* is used to present *something*. (analysis etc ) However, the effects that *said structure* have in each poem is largely different. (analysis etc) - and this should be all one paragraph.

    You also may want to pick more examples as to achieve the top band you need (I quote) to show 'thoughtful, detailed and developed' analysis. You could say this means in depth analysis of a few points but in my exam board you need a varied range of points to gain top marks, meaning that you need to refer to more than two quotes from each poem.

    You're aware that you require context to even get more than about 5 marks and I advise you to take note of this, as the examiner will not be 'nice'. They'll see the lack of context and won't care about success in other areas, and instantly give you a mark in bands 1 or 2.

    I also think that your conclusion is redundant. It proves nothing and even I could write this not having seen the poems ever. Even if your conclusion was effective, you wouldn't need one anyway - all you need is a concluding statement at the end of each paragraph. This will not give you a lower mark as it's what you should do in a timed essay and it will waste less time. Cut the conclusion and focus on what you need to do to bring your marks up. Exact same goes for the introduction - you can cut that too. We already know that 'in this essay [you are] going to be exploring...', because that's what the question wants. Using phrases like 'in this essay, I...' also looks like a child's effort - at GCSE level you will not want to be using first person in an essay.

    I realise my comments may have been harsh but you really will need to do all this stuff to get a high mark - it's imperative, not just optional. You should really take heed of Kiki's (dk your name sorry!) and my comments rather than being defensive as she is only trying to be helpful, and has clearly spent time giving you advice. Not following it isn't going to get you anywhere.
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    Thank you so so much! Yes, it did take me a while to find this stuff, not to mention I have mocks starting tomorrow.

    I agree with your points too, thread starter used vocab such as "use", "show" etc.
    Fairly poor if you ask me.


    Kind marking doesn't help anyone, and it's a total disregard to those of us who spend precious time on finding context, vocab and analysing.
    Also it, of course, gives you false hope.
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    (Original post by Kiki._.)
    Thank you so so much! Yes, it did take me a while to find this stuff, not to mention I have mocks starting tomorrow.

    I agree with your points too, thread starter used vocab such as "use", "show" etc.
    Fairly poor if you ask me.


    Kind marking doesn't help anyone, and it's a total disregard to those of us who spend precious time on finding context, vocab and analysing.
    Also it, of course, gives you false hope.
    Good luck! I had my English Literature mock last Monday it was pretty horrible lol oh well
    I think the vocabulary isn't really a problem, just the structure and lack of variety and context. You will want to use better vocab but it shouldn't really matter in this case - I don't believe it matters for Edexcel (the exam board I'm doing)
    I agree with that - there's no point in nice marking as this means you'll not want to improve, become complacent, and then get to the exam, write that same essay style and walk out with a 4 wondering what you did wrong. This is counter-intuitive and, as you said, helps nobody.

    Good luck for your mocks tomorrow! A bit of advice: what really helped me was the structure PEEDAE (tbh I prefer PEEADE but whatevs) meaning point, evidence, explain, develop, analyse, evaluate. It's a strict structure and ideally you shouldn't be writing with acronyms any more but what I like about it is that it forces you to do all those things and this usually results in a more in depth answer.
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    Ye that is the same with my exam board aqa. Range of vocabulary costs 0 marks. I will try and add more context in and arrange my structure better by saying how they are simple Kat or different at the start of the paragraph.
    Thanks for the advice
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