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Boyfriend doesn't talk to me about mental health issues watch

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    Recently, my boyfriend has been feeling very down (his a-levels aren't going too well and a family member is dying). I am trying my hardest not to be selfish at this time for him but he didn't tell me about him seeing a counselor and he talks about his problems with a teacher at sixth form but won't open up to me and that makes me feel upset because he doesn't feel that he can open up to me about it, but I also don't want to push him and be another burden in his life.

    How do I handle this situation?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Recently, my boyfriend has been feeling very down (his a-levels aren't going too well and a family member is dying). I am trying my hardest not to be selfish at this time for him but he didn't tell me about him seeing a counselor and he talks about his problems with a teacher at sixth form but won't open up to me and that makes me feel upset because he doesn't feel that he can open up to me about it, but I also don't want to push him and be another burden in his life.

    How do I handle this situation?
    Thi is difficult - maybe he heels embarrassed by it to talk to you :dontknow:. all I can say is let him know youre always there to talk to or a shoulder to cry on. and its okay to be upset, and it is not wrong to feel the way he does, and remind him you love him.
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    Has he talked about that sort of thing with you before? Maybe he doesn't see the point? He's already talking about it with two people, one of them being a professional. There really is no reason. Maybe he'd rather not talk about negative things when he's around you.

    If you really mean it, maybe let him know that you'll support him however you can (tell him how?). It's his business whether he wants to share his feelings or not.
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    (Original post by Jack22031994)
    Thi is difficult - maybe he heels embarrassed by it to talk to you :dontknow:. all I can say is let him know youre always there to talk to or a shoulder to cry on. and its okay to be upset, and it is not wrong to feel the way he does, and remind him you love him.
    Thank you. I do think maybe he feels embarrassed. I will try and make sure he knows I'm always here.
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    (Original post by Lilium)
    Has he talked about that sort of thing with you before? Maybe he doesn't see the point? He's already talking about it with two people, one of them being a professional. There really is no reason. Maybe he'd rather not talk about negative things when he's around you.

    If you really mean it, maybe let him know that you'll support him however you can (tell him how?). It's his business whether he wants to share his feelings or not.
    I do understand that it is his prerogative to talk to who he wants about his feelings, but I just feel upset and confused as to why he cannot confide in me
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you. I do think maybe he feels embarrassed. I will try and make sure he knows I'm always here.
    Yeah, I think its more that, rather than not wanting to or able to talk you about it :hugs: Yeah, just keep doing that!


    Hope it turns out okay
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    Some people, myself included, are often totally incapable of talking about mental health issues with people who aren't professionals, due to pretty horrific experiences with sharing with non professionals in the past. I was told I was a useless waste of space and that I should do things I'm not allowed to mention on this site because I shared my mental health issues with "friends". With professionals, this is not a possibility due to extremely strict confidentiality laws. It's most likely nothing personal, just him saving himself.
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    Try not to take it personally and remember this is about him not you. Sometimes it's easier to talk to someone you have some distance to and perhaps you make him happy/relaxed and he forgets his problems a bit and therefore doesn't want to ruin those free moments. The important thing here is that your boyfriend is supported. You know he's talking to someone so let that be, make it clear you're supportive and ask things like 'did talking to so and so help today' 'is it a good day or bad day' 'can I do anything' rather than 'tell me what you're feeling and open up'. Respect his boundaries. And try and notice the help you are able to give him - taking his mind off it, a massage, making him laugh etc.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Some people, myself included, are often totally incapable of talking about mental health issues with people who aren't professionals, due to pretty horrific experiences with sharing with non professionals in the past. I was told I was a useless waste of space and that I should do things I'm not allowed to mention on this site because I shared my mental health issues with "friends". With professionals, this is not a possibility due to extremely strict confidentiality laws. It's most likely nothing personal, just him saving himself.
    I am very sorry that that has happened to you. He knows that I was diagnosed with depression around 2 years ago and I am completely sympathetic and only want to help. It's upsetting because I saw myself as his closest confidante if you know what I mean, but I also understand your point of view and that he may be scared/worried.
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    (Original post by doodle_333)
    Try not to take it personally and remember this is about him not you. Sometimes it's easier to talk to someone you have some distance to and perhaps you make him happy/relaxed and he forgets his problems a bit and therefore doesn't want to ruin those free moments. The important thing here is that your boyfriend is supported. You know he's talking to someone so let that be, make it clear you're supportive and ask things like 'did talking to so and so help today' 'is it a good day or bad day' 'can I do anything' rather than 'tell me what you're feeling and open up'. Respect his boundaries. And try and notice the help you are able to give him - taking his mind off it, a massage, making him laugh etc.
    Thank you very much. This has been very helpful. I will definitely try and respect those boundaries. You have helped me to understand that I can help in my own way.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you very much. This has been very helpful. I will definitely try and respect those boundaries. You have helped me to understand that I can help in my own way.
    No problem. My boyfriend has never been one to talk about his problems. It used to be pretty hard for me and I'm sometimes still doubtful that it's the healthiest thing but it's important to realise there is so much you can do to show you're thinking about someone and it's a huge help to just know someone has your back.
 
 
 
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