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depression & A levels - I don't know what to do watch

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    Just wondering if anyone can help or give me some advice because I don't know what to do anymore and I'm feeling pretty hopeless.

    I feel so low and unmotivated constantly (I think I have depression and have been showing the symptoms for many years now). This means I struggle to go to school but I'm not allowed to stay home. Even if I could work at home I wouldn't have the motivation or be able to do the work. I don't think I want to do A levels anymore because I have no motivation to do the work and just seem really lazy because I don't do anything.

    I don't think I'd be able to get out of bed/ have the willpower to to do an apprenticeship even if I enjoyed what I chose to do and there isn't really any good ones in my area. Also my teachers say I'm "too smart" to do that which I think is so stupid because it's rude to suggest people doing them aren't smart and it would be my decision to do one anyway. There isn't really any options other than A levels, apprenticeship or full time work.

    And it's frustrating because I want to be able do my A levels, I want to be able to do well and not feel so low all the time. And I usually manage to get quite good grades and pull everything together regardless at the last minute (like at GCSE's) but I feel like I could do so well at school if I didn't feel so debilitated by depression or anxiety or whatever I have and life would be so much easier obviously. I guess I don't really want to drop out but I don't think I can carry on at school. I'm angry at myself because I used to be able to cope so well with my mental illnesses or even if i wasn't coping I would force myself to suffer through and be strong but now I just can't and I don't know why, it makes me feel so weak.

    When I had more willpower I did, after years, pluck up the courage to get some help but it was quite unsuccessful (for example had to go to the doctors 4 times for them to refer me to a place that I never heard back from). I don't know how to feel better/ what help to get because:
    - Talking to a counsellor, therapist, teacher doesn't help me fight the main symptoms of depression I get (lack of motivation, constant low mood).
    - I can't get anti depressants (due to poor mental health services in my area & doctors not wanting to help) & even if I could I don't want the long term negative side effects. Also my mum wouldn't allow me to take them because she is extremely against them.
    - Cognitive behavioural therapy can't really help me when I don't even have the motivation to get out of bed or to try to follow a procedure, I need a quick fix which I guess antidepressants are but as mentioned I can't get them/ not even sure they work after reading the studies about them.

    I don't know what to do. I don't want to drop out because I wouldn't have anything to do and can't afford the fine or whatever consequences you get from dropping out. If I felt able to do my A levels I would definitely do them because I like learning and appreciate how lucky I am to get an education and how important an education is. But it's so hard to just "struggle through" when I have been doing so for SO many years and I don't think I can do that anymore. Even writing this takes so much and the thought of all the work I have piled up to do makes me feel sick and so much worse which is why I avoid it.

    Sorry this is long and sounds like I'm complaining or want pity or whatever, I don't, I'm just really not sure what to do and how to progress. Please pm me or comment if you want to talk or can relate or anything x
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    Hey, I have depression too pm if u want we can talk about it!
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    (Original post by Hannah2005)
    Hey, I have depression too pm if u want we can talk about it!
    Thank you, I'll pm you
 
 
 
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