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Fast-foward to the future watch

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    You're about to settle down. How important is it to you that your future in-laws - especially your other half's parents - like you?
    It's just a question I've been thinking about recently.

    It would be essential that (at the very least) the immediate family of the girl I'm with liked me. I wouldn't be able to settle down with a girl if I knew that her family despised me. I think when it comes to romantic relationships, problematic parents and family members are often trivially dismissed by onlookers, and the pursuit of a relationship under such circumstances is encouraged as it is seen as an act of defiance that is worthy of praise.

    But I think proceeding with such a relationship only opens the door to an array of problems further down the line, particularly if you have children. The awkwardness, the lack of communication, the breakdown (or worse severing) of close family relationships, and the lingering sense of rejection are things I wouldn't be able to live with; it's just not worth the trouble.

    What about you? Is it important to you that your future in-laws like you?

    Share your thoughts.
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    (Original post by RivalPlayer)
    You're about to settle down. How important is it to you that your future in-laws - especially your other half's parents - like you?
    It's just a question I've been thinking about recently.

    It would be essential that (at the very least) the immediate family of the girl I'm with liked me. I wouldn't be able to settle down with a girl if I knew that her family despised me. I think when it comes to romantic relationships, problematic parents and family members are often trivially dismissed by onlookers.
    The pursuit of a relationship under such circumstances is encouraged as it is seen as an act of defiance that is worthy of praise.

    But I think proceeding with such a relationship only opens the door to an array of problems further down the line, particularly if you have children. The awkwardness, the lack of communication, the breakdown (or worse severing) of close family relationships, and the lingering sense of rejection are things I wouldn't be able to live with; it's just not worth the trouble.

    What about you? Is it important to you that your future in-laws like you?

    Share your thoughts.
    I think it would be difficult in a relationship if you couldn't get along with in laws, being civil would be enough in most cases rather than liking each other though I think.
    I don't see my in laws often but we get along quite well when I do see them
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    Depends how close they are to their family and if they care or not if they don't like me.
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    (Original post by claireestelle)
    I think it would be difficult in a relationship if you couldn't get along with in laws, being civil would be enough in most cases rather than liking each other though I think.
    I don't see my in laws often but we get along quite well when I do see them
    Yeah, I agree it would be difficult. If my in-laws were civil, but didn't like me for some unfathomable reason, it would bother me. Liking each other is a prerequisite to getting along well.
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    It’s very important that their family likes and accepts me! I want to feel a part of the family
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    (Original post by RivalPlayer)
    the pursuit of a relationship under such circumstances is encouraged as it is seen as an act of defiance that is worthy of praise.
    This is basically my opinion. If the fam are needlessly being awkward then I'm left with no reason to respect their opinions at all. Don't get me wrong, I would try to work out what their problems were and see if we could alleviate any tensions, but at the end of the day if they're knobs, then they're knobs :dontknow:
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    (Original post by Retired_Messiah)
    This is basically my opinion. If the fam are needlessly being awkward then I'm left with no reason to respect their opinions at all. Don't get me wrong, I would try to work out what their problems were and see if we could alleviate any tensions, but at the end of the day if they're knobs, then they're knobs :dontknow:
    Fair enough, but what if that means the girl ends up being cut off from her family as a result? That wouldn't sit well with me. Mainly because I'd rather not be the cause of a family breakup, and I know the problems are bound to manifest in some way in the future eg she'll inevitably end up missing her family, feeling conflicted etc. And even if things were seemingly fixed, I'd always have that niggling feeling that they still secretly despise me.
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    I don’t get how the marriage will happen if his family doesn’t like me in the first place though lol...
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    (Original post by h333)
    I don’t get how the marriage will happen if his family doesn’t like me in the first place though lol...
    A lot of people go ahead with marriages despite family disapproval. Perhaps it is not so common in your culture.
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    (Original post by RivalPlayer)
    Fair enough, but what if that means the girl ends up being cut off from her family as a result? That wouldn't sit well with me. Mainly because I'd rather not be the cause of a family breakup, and I know the problems are bound to manifest in some way in the future eg she'll inevitably end up missing her family, feeling conflicted etc. And even if things were seemingly fixed, I'd always have that niggling feeling that they still secretly despise me.
    If she decided to choose me over her family I'd feel maybe a little bit bad but at the end of the day that'd be her choice. I wouldn't let myself get too cut up about something she'd ultimately done herself. If she got totally cut off, it'd maaayybe cause trouble down the line but if I was committed enough to settle with somebody regardless of their family's opinion of me then I'd like to think I'd be willing to try and work through whatever issues. If things go wrong, they go wrong, but I'd rather have had a bash than end a relationship based on the opinions of people who weren't actually in the relationship.

    I can understand why that'd be something people would want to avoid tho. In general I think everybody would rather have an easier time than a harder one.

    (Original post by h333)
    I don’t get how the marriage will happen if his family doesn’t like me in the first place though lol...
    Ring up the registry office and elope not an option for you then?
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    (Original post by RivalPlayer)
    A lot of people go ahead with marriages despite family disapproval. Perhaps it is not so common in your culture.
    Perhaps but yh I don’t see how that can happen with me because if he has parents/relatives then they will have to do the whole proposal thing on his behalf. The approval of parents is very important but I understand in some cases it may not be possible.
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    (Original post by Retired_Messiah)
    If she decided to choose me over her family I'd feel maybe a little bit bad but at the end of the day that'd be her choice. I wouldn't let myself get too cut up about something she'd ultimately done herself. If she got totally cut off, it'd maaayybe cause trouble down the line but if I was committed enough to settle with somebody regardless of their family's opinion of me then I'd like to think I'd be willing to try and work through whatever issues. If things go wrong, they go wrong, but I'd rather have had a bash than end a relationship based on the opinions of people who weren't actually in the relationship.

    I can understand why that'd be something people would want to avoid tho. In general I think everybody would rather have an easier time than a harder one.



    Ring up the registry office and elope not an option for you then?
    No thanks, parents approval or not happening.
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    It's very important to me. My partner's mum passed away 15 years ago and he doesn't speak to his dad much, so it's never going to be an issue for me. I wish I could have met his mum, though. My parents are really fond of him.
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    (Original post by bones-mccoy)
    It's very important to me. My partner's mum passed away 15 years ago and he doesn't speak to his dad much, so it's never going to be an issue for me. I wish I could have met his mum, though. My parents are really fond of him.
    What would you have done had your parents strongly disliked him? Would you have been prepared to cut all contact with them if you couldn't gain their approval?
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    (Original post by RivalPlayer)
    What would you have done had your parents strongly disliked him? Would you have been prepared to cut all contact with them if you couldn't gain their approval?
    My mum would do everything possible not to lose me so even if she did dislike him, she'd still have contact with me at least, my dad too. I know she'd try her hardest to like him but he is genuinely lovely so it's hard imagining someone not liking him.
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    (Original post by bones-mccoy)
    My mum would do everything possible not to lose me so even if she did dislike him, she'd still have contact with me at least, my dad too. I know she'd try her hardest to like him but he is genuinely lovely so it's hard imagining someone not liking him.
    Sounds as if your parents are quite willing to find a compromise. I suppose that has its pros and cons, but overall, it results in less friction. I guess a lot of how things fall into place is down to luck.
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    (Original post by RivalPlayer)
    Sounds as if your parents are quite willing to find a compromise. I suppose that has its pros and cons, but overall, it results in less friction. I guess a lot of how things fall into place is down to luck.
    Yeah, exactly. They were wary at first because there's quite a large age gap between me and my partner but once they met him and realised we were serious and that he was a decent guy, they were supportive.
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    (Original post by bones-mccoy)
    Yeah, exactly. They were wary at first because there's quite a large age gap between me and my partner but once they met him and realised we were serious and that he was a decent guy, they were supportive.
    I see. Age-gap relationships where the female is much younger, cultural differences and race tend to be major sources of conflict. I can understand the concerns regarding each. But yeah, looks like things have worked out well for you.
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    They need to like me and I them, or further on there'll be problems.
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    (Original post by starfab)
    They need to like me and I them, or further on there'll be problems.
    Yeah, I agree. The problems may not always be immediately obvious, but they eventually emerge further down the line (from what I have observed).
 
 
 
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