Turn on thread page Beta
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    I made this account just to ask this question because I’m at my wits end with this. I currently live with a girl who I just can’t seem to do anything right with. She spends 3 days here and 4 days with her boyfriend so she’s not here much and I’m fine with that, she’s very antisocial anyway so we don’t hang out that much. When we do hang out though all she talks about is how lazy her boyfriend is, what he lies to her about, and insults his family. She talks about me to him too saying I’m mean when we fall out etc. I’ve managed to remain patient with her until last night, I had a friend over who I did ask if I could invite over and she said yes, and she suddenly picked a fight out of nowhere saying I spent no time with her that day and she felt replaced and stabbed in the back when she could’ve easily joined us and hung out too. She shouted and said some hurtful things so I’ve lost my patience now.

    All this girl does is try to play the victim, spends too much time feeling sorry for herself and picks fights directly or behind people’s backs, but still tries to play the victim when somebody gets upset or finds out she’s been talking behind their backs. I only have 2 months left with this girl and I’m trying to remain calm and not give her the reaction she’s wants, anybody got any advice? Any similar stories?
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    Aight I got you this may be a toxic friendship or it may not be. I only see one way out of this you pull a tsubaki/kaori and force her to join in your activities she'll definitely let loose.
    Posted on the TSR App. Download from Apple or Google Play
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by AspiringAccount)
    Aight I got you this may be a toxic friendship or it may not be. I only see one way out of this you pull a tsubaki/kaori and force her to join in your activities she'll definitely let loose.
    Last year I lived with two other housemates and we decided to hang out and did her favourite things to get her to join in and she still didn’t! She agrees to join and last minute says she’s “sick” or has work to do but ends up watching films. I understand she’s very antisocial and that’s not my issue, my issue is her lying and when she doesn’t join in she insists she wasn’t invited and tries to pick fights with everybody! One of our housemates ended up moving out because she got so sick of the constant fake accusations. I’ve tried being a bit more pushy but her response is to say Im clingy and she wants time alone then complains the next day nobody spends time with her... I’m starting to think like you said that it’s more of a toxic friendship.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by MissyAmethyst)
    Last year I lived with two other housemates and we decided to hang out and did her favourite things to get her to join in and she still didn’t! She agrees to join and last minute says she’s “sick” or has work to do but ends up watching films. I understand she’s very antisocial and that’s not my issue, my issue is her lying and when she doesn’t join in she insists she wasn’t invited and tries to pick fights with everybody! One of our housemates ended up moving out because she got so sick of the constant fake accusations. I’ve tried being a bit more pushy but her response is to say Im clingy and she wants time alone then complains the next day nobody spends time with her... I’m starting to think like you said that it’s more of a toxic friendship.
    Ok it's definitely a toxic relationship you need to duck it basically you just gotta deal with it she's the kind of person who ain't gonna wanna be reasonable you just gotta tough it out. Does this seem like something you can do.
    Posted on the TSR App. Download from Apple or Google Play
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by AspiringAccount)
    Ok it's definitely a toxic relationship you need to duck it basically you just gotta deal with it she's the kind of person who ain't gonna wanna be reasonable you just gotta tough it out. Does this seem like something you can do.
    I can do that. She’s the type to avoid everybody after an argument and refuses to sit down like an adult and talk things out so I thought the best thing to do would be just avoid her. It’ll be difficult since we share a house and she does all she can to make things worse like moving your things without asking, leaving her trash on the floor and refusing to clean or empty bins but she’s just after a reaction to play the victim so I agree with you. I’ll just deal with it and keep to mysf. Thank you for your help!
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by MissyAmethyst)
    I made this account just to ask this question because I’m at my wits end with this. I currently live with a girl who I just can’t seem to do anything right with. She spends 3 days here and 4 days with her boyfriend so she’s not here much and I’m fine with that, she’s very antisocial anyway so we don’t hang out that much. When we do hang out though all she talks about is how lazy her boyfriend is, what he lies to her about, and insults his family. She talks about me to him too saying I’m mean when we fall out etc. I’ve managed to remain patient with her until last night, I had a friend over who I did ask if I could invite over and she said yes, and she suddenly picked a fight out of nowhere saying I spent no time with her that day and she felt replaced and stabbed in the back when she could’ve easily joined us and hung out too. She shouted and said some hurtful things so I’ve lost my patience now.

    All this girl does is try to play the victim, spends too much time feeling sorry for herself and picks fights directly or behind people’s backs, but still tries to play the victim when somebody gets upset or finds out she’s been talking behind their backs. I only have 2 months left with this girl and I’m trying to remain calm and not give her the reaction she’s wants, anybody got any advice? Any similar stories?
    One of the guys I was sharing with last year at uni was masturbating in the shared bathroom and leaving semen and lube everywhere. Was f***ing disgusting. he left the gas on in the kitchen one night because he was depressed, could have killed us all. Dude was weird af, he would talk to himself out loud for ages, very creepy. We found out he was a pervert who went to parks and other public places to take photos of women so he could masturbate to them (he told us himself and said he'd been doing it for the last 5 years).
    I'd suggest you tell your flatmate that you just want to be civil with her for the rest of your time at the flat, she seems like a b****. Minimise contact with her and try to keep to yourself as much as possible. The time will fly by, good luck.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Titan529)
    One of the guys I was sharing with last year at uni was masturbating in the shared bathroom and leaving semen and lube everywhere. Was f***ing disgusting. he left the gas on in the kitchen one night because he was depressed, could have killed us all. Dude was weird af, he would talk to himself out loud for ages, very creepy. We found out he was a pervert who went to parks and other public places to take photos of women so he could masturbate to them (he told us himself and said he'd been doing it for the last 5 years).
    I'd suggest you tell your flatmate that you just want to be civil with her for the rest of your time at the flat, she seems like a b****. Minimise contact with her and try to keep to yourself as much as possible. The time will fly by, good luck.
    Oh gosh that sounds awful! I’m sorry you had to live with somebody like that! I would love to just be civil but sadly after she picks a fight all she does is make living here worse until she expects an apology when she’s in the wrong. When she’s calmed down and stopped being so immature she’ll probably fake cry and give an insulting apology so in response I’ll tell her I’d like to just be civil, I can’t be friends with somebody who keeps trying to hurt me and my friends. Thank you for your help!
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by MissyAmethyst)
    Oh gosh that sounds awful! I’m sorry you had to live with somebody like that! I would love to just be civil but sadly after she picks a fight all she does is make living here worse until she expects an apology when she’s in the wrong. When she’s calmed down and stopped being so immature she’ll probably fake cry and give an insulting apology so in response I’ll tell her I’d like to just be civil, I can’t be friends with somebody who keeps trying to hurt me and my friends. Thank you for your help!
    In my first year of uni I lived in a house, again with 2 other guys. One of them was rude and condescending and in general just a massive pain in the ass, the guy would try and start pathetic arguments over everything. He'd lean in doorways to stop me from getting through or lean on kitchen cabinets when I needed to get food, very stupid and childish individual. I got sick of it and just stopped speaking to him completely. Life was so much better from then on, didn't speak to him for my last 2 and a half months at the flat, was a bit awkward but it was only temporary. I found out that he dropped out of uni back in December, so he's got debt from his foundation year, first year, and a term of second year as well, he'll also have to pay back his grant which is around £3000 for each year he was at uni, he's also going to have to keep paying rent at his flat until September which is £520 a month, lmao he's swamped in debt with nothing to show for it.
    Tough it out for the next 2 months, the day you finally move out will feel so good, hang in there.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by MissyAmethyst)
    I made this account just to ask this question because I’m at my wits end with this. I currently live with a girl who I just can’t seem to do anything right with. She spends 3 days here and 4 days with her boyfriend so she’s not here much and I’m fine with that, she’s very antisocial anyway so we don’t hang out that much. When we do hang out though all she talks about is how lazy her boyfriend is, what he lies to her about, and insults his family. She talks about me to him too saying I’m mean when we fall out etc. I’ve managed to remain patient with her until last night, I had a friend over who I did ask if I could invite over and she said yes, and she suddenly picked a fight out of nowhere saying I spent no time with her that day and she felt replaced and stabbed in the back when she could’ve easily joined us and hung out too. She shouted and said some hurtful things so I’ve lost my patience now.

    All this girl does is try to play the victim, spends too much time feeling sorry for herself and picks fights directly or behind people’s backs, but still tries to play the victim when somebody gets upset or finds out she’s been talking behind their backs. I only have 2 months left with this girl and I’m trying to remain calm and not give her the reaction she’s wants, anybody got any advice? Any similar stories?

    Look, when you're housemates with someone, that doesn't mean that you also have to be their best buddy (just as when you work with people, that doesn't mean that you have to all hang out like friends). And right now you are not drawing any line in the sand in the relationship (which should be strictly confined to just being housemates).

    All of your complaints about this girl boil down to her not being a bad housemate, but being a rubbish "friend".

    Stop getting involved in her private life. All that should matter is that she pays her half of the rent and keeps her part the place tidy etc. Not stuff like "she feels sorry for herself", "she talks **** behind people's backs", "She goes on and on about her boyfriend"; you should not be getting that involved with her in the first place!

    When it comes to house sharing, it's important to keep things professional. Remember that you are not sharing a place with random people because you all want to live together as best friends, but because it's a mutually agreeable financial deal until you are one day able to live independently without having to depend on others to share rent (etc).

    So explain to this girl the status quo. Tell her that while you're not against interacting with her (such things are inevitable to a certain extent), you are simply housemates (acquaintances not a buddies) and that you want to keep it to that (keeping things as professional as possible). That if she is desperate to talk to someone about her life issues, that she should phone her mum or go to a friend. Apologize to her for leading her to believe that you were interested in her private life, but make it clear that from now on you have no interest in being further involved in her social/private life.

    I once shared a house with 10 other people. We were all very different people (different ages, different walks of life etc) but we all co-existed fine in the house because we did not get involved in each others privates lives. I honest did not care whether I approved of someone as a person or not as long as they kept to themselves and were decent as a housemate.

    This girl's drama's may be very aggravating, but you do have a choice on how much you get involved in her actual private life. Just say "no" to all this mindless drama filled gossip etc, and keep your private space private.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Feastful)
    Look, when you're housemates with someone, that doesn't mean that you also have to be their best buddy (just as when you work with people, that doesn't mean that you have to all hang out like friends). And right now you are not drawing any line in the sand in the relationship (which should be strictly confined to just being housemates).

    All of your complaints about this girl boil down to her not being a bad housemate, but being a rubbish "friend".

    Stop getting involved in her private life. All that should matter is that she pays her half of the rent and keeps her part the place tidy etc. Not stuff like "she feels sorry for herself", "she talks **** behind people's backs", "She goes on and on about her boyfriend"; you should not be getting that involved with her in the first place!

    When it comes to house sharing, it's important to keep things professional. Remember that you are not sharing a place with random people because you all want to live together as best friends, but because it's a mutually agreeable financial deal until you are one day able to live independently without having to depend on others to share rent (etc).

    So explain to this girl the status quo. Tell her that while you're not against interacting with her (such things are inevitable to a certain extent), you are simply housemates (acquaintances not a buddies) and that you want to keep it to that (keeping things as professional as possible). That if she is desperate to talk to someone about her life issues, that she should phone her mum or go to a friend. Apologize to her for leading her to believe that you were interested in her private life, but make it clear that from now on you have no interest in being further involved in her social/private life.

    I once shared a house with 10 other people. We were all very different people (different ages, different walks of life etc) but we all co-existed fine in the house because we did not get involved in each others privates lives. I honest did not care whether I approved of someone as a person or not as long as they kept to themselves and were decent as a housemate.

    This girl's drama's may be very aggravating, but you do have a choice on how much you get involved in her actual private life. Just say "no" to all this mindless drama filled gossip etc, and keep your private space private.
    While I appreciate your comment what you said is untrue. We’ve been living together for 2 years now, we lived in a residential halls of residence where she asked me to move into a house with her and our other friends and I agreed, so we were friends before housemates. As for her comments about her boyfriend i do not ask or pry, she tells me all these things because we’re supposed to be friends. She vents to me while I’m in the kitchen etc so it’s not a matter of me being nosy, she tells me all these things herself which I even stated above.
    But you are right, I no longer wish to be a listening ear if all I get is insulted and meaningless fights so I’ll tell her next time I don’t want to hear it, that I agree on. Thank you for your help.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by MissyAmethyst)
    Last year I lived with two other housemates and we decided to hang out and did her favourite things to get her to join in and she still didn’t! She agrees to join and last minute says she’s “sick” or has work to do but ends up watching films. I understand she’s very antisocial and that’s not my issue, my issue is her lying and when she doesn’t join in she insists she wasn’t invited and tries to pick fights with everybody! One of our housemates ended up moving out because she got so sick of the constant fake accusations. I’ve tried being a bit more pushy but her response is to say Im clingy and she wants time alone then complains the next day nobody spends time with her... I’m starting to think like you said that it’s more of a toxic friendship.
    girls can't be anti social.

    so may i suggest you two just have a personality clash. sometimes people just don't like each other but are forced to live with each other because of money.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by nonotyoutoo)
    girls can't be anti social.

    so may i suggest you two just have a personality clash. sometimes people just don't like each other but are forced to live with each other because of money.
    You’re definately right that we clash, I like my group of friends and my idea of fun is staying up all night with friends watching movies, playing games or drinking etc, on the other hand she only has 2 friends that she regularly picks fights with and gets jealous when they don’t invite her out places and her idea of fun is staying in alone, so our differences definately clash yes! And of course I understand we just won’t get along at times but it does suck she says such awful things. But it’s only for 2 more months so I’ll tough it out, thank you for your help!
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Feastful)
    Look, when you're housemates with someone, that doesn't mean that you also have to be their best buddy....
    I would +1 you if TSR would let me.
 
 
 

University open days

  • University of East Anglia
    UEA Mini Open Day Undergraduate
    Fri, 23 Nov '18
  • Norwich University of the Arts
    Undergraduate Open Days Undergraduate
    Fri, 23 Nov '18
  • Edge Hill University
    All Faculties Undergraduate
    Sat, 24 Nov '18
Poll
Black Friday: Yay or Nay?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.