Turn on thread page Beta

Is it harder to make friends when you are gay? watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Being in a position without any true friends, I have to wonder if it is because I am gay and am more feminine than masculine in nature. I'm not particularly flamboyant either. I have became very introverted over the years, partially due to being a bit of an outcast. I don't want to be like that though. I would make any effort to befriend any LGBT person at my school (provided they were nice people), and will make an effort once out of school, but I will probably avoid straight men. I've had too many negative experiences in the past with "lads", and I get the impression that a lot of straight men don't really like gay men, particularly not feminine acting ones. I can't be that gay guy whose friends are all straight girls either. I don't mind having a few, but I am still not a female and cannot completely relate to them, not to mention that it would get overbearing. Hopefully in the future, I will be able to make more friends like me. Do you think that it is harder given my position, or is it tough for many LGBT people, particularly at school?
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    It is all in your head. Real friends are few and far between. Also are you out? I am in the closet and I have lots of friends (both LGBT and straight guys and girls). It is nobodies business who you find attractive so why make a big fuss out of it?
    • #2
    #2

    Honestly I think whatever sexuality you are it's always hard to surround yourself with people who are truly your friends and will always want you to be as happy as can be and if someone is truly your friend they will accept you for who you are regardless of anything. I don't know how you exactly feel because i have never been in your place however, when i think i have made a friend sooner or later they always let me down so you do you because the only person you need is yourself and you'll find amazing friends
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Honestly I think whatever sexuality you are it's always hard to surround yourself with people who are truly your friends and will always want you to be as happy as can be and if someone is truly your friend they will accept you for who you are regardless of anything. I don't know how you exactly feel because i have never been in your place however, when i think i have made a friend sooner or later they always let me down so you do you because the only person you need is yourself and you'll find amazing friends
    Good post.

    But why did you go anon?
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Being in a position without any true friends, I have to wonder if it is because I am gay and am more feminine than masculine in nature. I'm not particularly flamboyant either. I have became very introverted over the years, partially due to being a bit of an outcast. I don't want to be like that though. I would make any effort to befriend any LGBT person at my school (provided they were nice people), and will make an effort once out of school, but I will probably avoid straight men. I've had too many negative experiences in the past with "lads", and I get the impression that a lot of straight men don't really like gay men, particularly not feminine acting ones. I can't be that gay guy whose friends are all straight girls either. I don't mind having a few, but I am still not a female and cannot completely relate to them, not to mention that it would get overbearing. Hopefully in the future, I will be able to make more friends like me. Do you think that it is harder given my position, or is it tough for many LGBT people, particularly at school?
    you don't need friends, you need money. i'm straight and i admire how easily women can become an escort and get ez money. if I was gay, and I'm not cos I don't swing that way, I'd definitely be a rentboy (gay for pay). you'll probably want to move to London though to find more classy clients.
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by nonotyoutoo)
    you don't need friends, you need money. i'm straight and i admire how easily women can become an escort and get ez money. if I was gay, and I'm not cos I don't swing that way, I'd definitely be a rentboy (gay for pay). you'll probably want to move to London though to find more classy clients.
    What a ridiculous and homophobic post. You're not helping the OP by telling him to escort in London.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by nonotyoutoo)
    you don't need friends, you need money. i'm straight and i admire how easily women can become an escort and get ez money. if I was gay, and I'm not cos I don't swing that way, I'd definitely be a rentboy (gay for pay). you'll probably want to move to London though to find more classy clients.
    Not a helpful post, although I do want to live in London FWIW.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Haviland-Tuf)
    It is all in your head. Real friends are few and far between. Also are you out? I am in the closet and I have lots of friends (both LGBT and straight guys and girls). It is nobodies business who you find attractive so why make a big fuss out of it?
    I am not out, but I am genuinely really jealous of people who have good friends and want to change it. I just think that my sexuality is another barrier which closes off friendships.

    I do feel that is other people's business about your sexuality. It is good to be open about things.
    • #3
    #3

    I'm straight so I can only speak from a 'straight' point of view but I've had friends say things like they would be worried that a gay friend would hit on them. I think that kind of thinking would put some kind of barrier between friends but at the same time, not everyone thinks like that, so depends on the individuals, I guess.
    • #4
    #4

    I'm gay and probably one of the most extroverted people in my year. Then again, I go to an international school where things like that are accepted and tolerated. Hardship is inevitable, but it's amazing how much support you have from friends who aren't LGBT :yep: I am the only openly gay person in my school, and no-one has ever come out before me. Be yourself and you'll see how amazing people can be.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Haviland-Tuf)
    What a ridiculous and homophobic post. You're not helping the OP by telling him to escort in London.
    How is that homophobic?
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm gay and probably one of the most extroverted people in my year. Then again, I go to an international school where things like that are accepted and tolerated. Hardship is inevitable, but it's amazing how much support you have from friends who aren't LGBT :yep: I am the only openly gay person in my school, and no-one has ever come out before me. Be yourself and you'll see how amazing people can be.
    How did you come out at school? Did word just spread around?
    At my school, some kids and parents are homophobic, and I don't get a gay-friendly vibe from it. They certainly do nothing to promote LGBT equality.

    I don't feel that much straight guys would appreciate me for who I am. Too many of them are stereotypically masculine and to me, that is intimidating. Maybe straight girls would be better, but I couldn't have tons of female friends. That would get a bit much.
    • #4
    #4

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    How did you come out at school? Did word just spread around?
    At my school, some kids and parents are homophobic, and I don't get a gay-friendly vibe from it. They certainly do nothing to promote LGBT equality.

    I don't feel that much straight guys would appreciate me for who I am. Too many of them are stereotypically masculine and to me, that is intimidating. Maybe straight girls would be better, but I couldn't have tons of female friends. That would get a bit much.
    Funnily enough, no. I just got asked by two of the gossip girls in year 11 right before one of the classes. They asked "Are you gay?" to which I said "Yup. I am." They laughed (from the shock though I think :lol: ) and the rest of the class heard it and just went on with it. Some of the teachers knew beforehand (I confided with two a few weeks before), and so did two of my close friends. Teachers were almost all super supportive and we even joke about it from time to time :yep:

    The parents don't like LGBT either (most of them are posh upper middle class/upper class) and find it patronising, so coming out was a bit difficult in these terms. But I just did it for myself and the parents I talk to all love me :lol:

    The straight guys at my school did make fun of me a bit (especially during PE), but only initially. Like, two three weeks max. Girls are ok, but make sure they don't turn you into their gay BFF. Last thing you want is getting dragged to sleepovers (unless that's your thing). I'm currently in last year of college, so I'm a senior. iirc I came out right before my GCSEs, so almost three years ago.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Funnily enough, no. I just got asked by two of the gossip girls in year 11 right before one of the classes. They asked "Are you gay?" to which I said "Yup. I am." They laughed (from the shock though I think :lol: ) and the rest of the class heard it and just went on with it. Some of the teachers knew beforehand (I confided with two a few weeks before), and so did two of my close friends. Teachers were almost all super supportive and we even joke about it from time to time :yep:

    The parents don't like LGBT either (most of them are posh upper middle class/upper class) and find it patronising, so coming out was a bit difficult in these terms. But I just did it for myself and the parents I talk to all love me :lol:

    The straight guys at my school did make fun of me a bit (especially during PE), but only initially. Like, two three weeks max. Girls are ok, but make sure they don't turn you into their gay BFF. Last thing you want is getting dragged to sleepovers (unless that's your thing). I'm currently in last year of college, so I'm a senior. iirc I came out right before my GCSEs, so almost three years ago.
    The whole "Gay BFF" thing is something that I would avoid. It's really a type of friendship formed out of desperation to be popular.
    I think that most straight guys (especially "lads") would feel a tad uneasy with a gay guy or make fun of them. Not a problem for me, but they certainly shouldn't ask to be my friend a year later.
    • #4
    #4

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    The whole "Gay BFF" thing is something that I would avoid. It's really a type of friendship formed out of desperation to be popular.
    I think that most straight guys (especially "lads") would feel a tad uneasy with a gay guy or make fun of them. Not a problem for me, but they certainly shouldn't ask to be my friend a year later.
    It's easy to avoid. You'll notice these girls are just trying way too hard to be friends with you, especially when you know you two are not compatible.

    I can't say you'll be fine, because I don't know your situation (and thus don't want to advise you wrong). But I've been there and done that, and am happy I got it out of the way before important exams. Then again, I don't know how people at a public school would react. I know the environment I'm in is very peculiar and not something a typical student is accustomed to. Not to mention I don't live in the UK and thus don't know much what a typical "lad" is like, expect form what I've seen when visiting friends...
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It's easy to avoid. You'll notice these girls are just trying way too hard to be friends with you, especially when you know you two are not compatible.

    I can't say you'll be fine, because I don't know your situation (and thus don't want to advise you wrong). But I've been there and done that, and am happy I got it out of the way before important exams. Then again, I don't know how people at a public school would react. I know the environment I'm in is very peculiar and not something a typical student is accustomed to. Not to mention I don't live in the UK and thus don't know much what a typical "lad" is like, expect form what I've seen when visiting friends...
    I want to get it done before my exams as well, but just don't feel quite there yet.
    I am actually at a private school, but they are inactive in LGBT issues and is Catholic, which makes me think that they would see my sexuality as a negative.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It's easy to avoid. You'll notice these girls are just trying way too hard to be friends with you, especially when you know you two are not compatible.

    I can't say you'll be fine, because I don't know your situation (and thus don't want to advise you wrong). But I've been there and done that, and am happy I got it out of the way before important exams. Then again, I don't know how people at a public school would react. I know the environment I'm in is very peculiar and not something a typical student is accustomed to. Not to mention I don't live in the UK and thus don't know much what a typical "lad" is like, expect form what I've seen when visiting friends...
    I want to get it done before my exams as well, but just don't feel quite there yet.
    I am actually at a private school, but they are inactive in LGBT issues and is Catholic, which makes me think that they would see my sexuality as a negative.

    BTW - Would these girls be desperate to be friends with me if they found out that I am gay?
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    There seems to be a huge stereotype that gay guys have mostly friends that are girls, especially when at school.

    Is this really the norm? Again, I could have a few but not all. Probably a few gay guys as well. Not straight guys, unless I really like them as a person. I'm not counting acquaintances or colleagues, FWIW.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    There seems to be a huge stereotype that gay guys have mostly friends that are girls, especially when at school.

    Is this really the norm? Again, I could have a few but not all. Probably a few gay guys as well. Not straight guys, unless I really like them as a person. I'm not counting acquaintances or colleagues, FWIW.
    Anyone?
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    masculine gays have no problem making friends. heck you wouldn't even know they were gay unless they told you. look up jack donovan. but effeminate ones (like those in the LGBT crowd) often make friends with women instead of other men.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: February 27, 2018
Poll
How are you feeling in the run-up to Results Day 2018?
Useful resources

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.