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Ainsel’s journey to Ragnarok watch

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    As I got AAAA . However, disaster hit. I had developed severe OCD in my As year but due to my fundamentalist /Charadmatic Christian parents I hid it in fear of being sent for deliverance .
    I have applied for medicine and gotten an offer at my top uni choice Plymouth 😍😍😍
    offer :AAA.
    However,my mock results are dismal. ( still to be updated)
    Biology: B paper 1
    Chemistry:C paper 1 C paper 2
    Maths: U C3 😥😰😢😭 C C4
    This is terrifying due to the amount of effort I put into both maths and chemistry . Horrifying results ! It’s not going to help knowing I have severe dyslexia aswell which requires 50% extra time ( yeaaaaah I’m slow 😂😂😂😂).
    So this is my journey to AAA or more ! I hope it goes swell ! Fingers crossed! Let the war begin! Pray for me!
    加油💪! FIGHTING!
    遅すぎることはない!( I also learned japanese and Chinese in my spare time at As so don’t get confused by the multiple languages on this post lol)
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    28/02/2018

    Genesis

    Saturday
    i had a mock exam . C4 and was feeling pretty optimistic after that one since i felt it went well (Boy was i wrong) so i chilled for the rest of the weekend; i didn't stress over exam results because at that point in time i knew i had done terribly in math so i lost the ability to care.
    Sunday
    i voyaged to CBT and had a pretty good session with my therapist! I'm closer and closer to defeating this beast we call OCD. To me she is just a sniveling little child who throws uncooked popcorn kernels in fits of rage. It was a beautiful sunny day and i had managed to capture this photo.
    Attachment 728094
    I love this style of photography because it has a fresh pure feel to it. I also wondered into a Waitrose and was amazed by how well dressed people were there! Kids looked catwalk ready! I spent the rest of that Sunday drinking bubble tea and playing Helix Jump on my phone that was my last day and only day of stress free relaxation.
    Monday
    Horrid day even the sky spelled out doom as it was dismally grey. I wasn't expecting any miracles well, it seems like this year i'm destined to fail no matter how hard i try or how well i think the exam went . I feel as if success this year for me is totally unattainable. I walked into each subject to be bitterly disappointed.
    Biology paper 1:B-
    Chemistry paper 1:C
    Maths C3: U
    to be completely honest i didn't expect to do well in maths but the result still hurts as it does not show how much effort i put into my maths work this year. Monday i entered a state of sheer anger . Whats the point on killing yourself studying if you get the same results when you do not?!
    I tried to pull myself together but i was infuriated at my result. I was infuriated at my God , i had given my last bit of faith into praying the night before for that exam and i studied intensively for a month doing 3 past papers a week just for C3. Then i realized why i stopped being a christian, none of my prayers have ever been answered and the more and more of the bible i read the more nonsensical it sounded. I had spent hours praying and praying to god to give me a sign telling him that i was losing faith . Pleading for him not to let me go... i got nothing at all... no boost of faith...no sign. Nothing. I figured it was literally the definition of insanity to continue to pray and miraculously expect something .... because it never happened before.
    Sorry for that tangent haha.
    well i pulled myself together and started doing solomon papers to practice C3 but i feel as if it is all in vain as i did past papers before.... seems like insanity again....
    Tuesday
    Pretty mild day we continued with classwork. In my free period before lunch i entered the common room intending to study C3 maths but i felt so demoralized and stressed i decided to draw a ninja his name is Shun it means good horse/speed. I think that is rather fitting for a mini ninja. I was moaning on about no matter how much effort i put in it doesn't ever translate to my grades. That my mother is having a go at me saying i'm not studying because my grades are really poor. I expressed that i really wanted to get into uni and i wouldn't know what to do if i did not. I was at my wits end i am an optamistic person but even i couldn't see the bright side of this situation. My chemistry teacher overheard and said to hold on and that with time everything should fall into place. Well i hope so because at this point i'm fed up. I even go to do extra lessons with my chemistry teacher on my own accord in my free time but that effort didn't translate into the A grade i desperately need.
    Wednesday/Today
    Horrid snow today and 2 more disappointing test results a concerning C on C4 and another C absolutely borderline in chemistry. Catastrophic. i go home feeling absolutely demolished. Can't i do anything right i take some time to relax as i'm not in the mood to study. I can see my future rolling away from me and i just cannot catch it. i sit in my room and cry. I spoke to the teachers during the day and they said they will think of ways to help. But at this moment in time i feel absolutely worthless.
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    Good luck!! YOU CAN DO THIS!! :rave:

    PS. Just wanted to let you know that you have to post English translations if you post even a small phrase in a different language Otherwise, the MFL police will hunt you down!! Have fun with your languages though!!
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    Name:  560d9a8806c1cc4ad7a80859d3a07f27--sanha-astro-cute-astro-sanha.jpg
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    Loook at this adorable little squishy ! He needs to be protected at all cost! OH MY HEARTU!
    SANHA'S AGEYOOO IS KILLING MEEEEEEEEEEEEE he is my baby boy ( even though he is elder than me but whatever) TOOOO CUUUTE! Also RM I THINK IM GOING TO DIE! Who new someone could be cute and shockingly handsome at the same time! PICK ONE! You wanna kill ur precious armies?
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    14/03/2018

    A lot has occurred since my last update so i will condense everything .

    In the week of snow my classes still ran normally however i was able to capture some good photographs ( all videos and photographs will be posted below)
    During that week i started doing Maths Solomon papers in my spare time and take my questions to my maths lesson the next day to ask for help at the beginning of the lesson. This worked well as i made rapid progress the only issue was that i couldn't complete my maths homework due in for the next week monday on time. However, this was definatly not a con! I was able to complete it after my lesson after school whilst the teacher was there and consequentially be able to ask her questions on the questions i was unsure about and get her to teach me some topics i had forgotten. It was actually more of a pro than a con. However i will not be doing it again. A Monday of 9-6 of classes is unholy to say the least.It was an understatement to say i was completely SHATTERED.

    We have officially finished the biology syllabus so i'm just doing past paper questions for those and for chemistry i'm seeing if doing various textbook questions before the homework will improve my homework grade. All this work is time consuming but im PRAYING it will pay off.

    I went to the university of keele for an interview it seemed to go fine but attending the uni for the second time made me realise how much i hated it there. I don't know what it is about the place but it seems so familiar and ordinary i was less than excited to see the place again. It seems i will DEFIANTLY FIRM PLYMOUTH.

    I managed to talk to one of my Chinese " Friends" if i can even call her that through video call. My mandarin is pretty poor and so is her English so it was really hilarious. It got to the point where we would grab whatever we could find and ask what it was in the persons native language. Seems to me typing is way easier than speaking a language on the spot. Interesting... Anyways she really appreciated the chat and we message each other every day for maybe 30 mins round about 1:15 uk time. I'll screenshot some messages for u guys to see ill also press translate so u can actually understand. haha .

    So right now i'm completely exhausted and have a bit of homework to do. I really do hope i can get the 3 A's i desperately need for university . Until the next time.
    Thalia Eros
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    Update
    My 18th birthday is approaching. Not looking forward to it as nothing will change as nothing ever does.
    My week so far has been uneventful I have been doing maths past papers and some biology past paper questions. Must not forget about chemistry.
    Had a tutor meeting and we discussed my mock results rather depressing and he said that in summer I may not get the grades and might have to go through clearing . Everyone is losing faith in me.
    I wonder what’s wrong why is this happening my effort never translates to my grades and I’m getting more and more depressed as time passes by. It’s even more depressing when people put less than half the effort you put in but get top grades.
    Since the beginning of this year I have been trying my best there is literally nothing else I could have done differently or can do differently. My heart is sinking and breaking simultaneously ....
    my parents think I’m slacking off. I don’t know what to do they say keep working hard but that’s done absolutely nothing for me at all.
    I feel dead inside and depressed.
    Thalia Eros
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    this website doesn't allow me to upload pictures
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    (Original post by BubbleBabby)
    this website doesn't allow me to upload pictures
    relatable... try using imgur or an alternative?
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    Sat by my room crying . Got a call from my dad and he was really disappointed in me. Teachers are being pessimistic and nothing is working out . I try so hard. They say I’m not even putting any effort in when that’s not the case at all. I’m trying really hard the hardest I have ever tried in my life . Grades have always been really important to me all my time is spent studying .
    So now I’m sat in my room crying silently because I’m so tired of it all now .
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    Date 25/04/2018

    I have been extremely busy with revision and whatnot but i just had a conversation with a friend today and i want to start of with that.
    She was talking about how everyone today is obsessed with political correctness and saying the "right" things. She said people are too afraid to challenge issues in fear of being called racist and that people are actually being arrested for offending people.
    Now my opinion is that if you: A. have not incited violence towards ANY group of people. B. Have not spread false information about a group of people intending to incite hatred and C. Do not purposefully harass a group of people whether they are marginalized or not; you should not face jail time. I personally believe people go through all stages of their life and say stupid things that they do not mean at all. People should not be jailed for a couple of words that "hurt somebody's feeling" how old are we 5? Since when did you have to take everyone around you seriously ?
    If someone has a different opinion to you but is living peacefully and is NOT harassing anyone nobody has the RIGHT to take away their human rights if they have not taken away anyone else's.
    People have said overtly racist things to me because i'm black... did i complain ? No! Did it affect me . Yes a little but then it helped me grow as a person.Trying to control speech doesn't help the advancement of society. Why, because nobody can challenge or inquire about their views which is needed if someone wants to change them...we need debate to grow as a society. Words hurt that is true that's why we need to educate people on their impact and what it does to people and not strike fear into others without them having true understanding... because that way the problem persists. Striking fear without true understanding of ones impact is precisely why spanking does not work for a lot of children and some grow up to be unpleasant adults. Just because people don't say things doesn't mean they are no thinking them. The real world is tough and if you get stressed out frustrated and scared by what one insignificant person said to you...you will not survive. I assure you. Now to leave this post i will tell you my philosophy (it was said by a celeb but i can't remember who...maybe will smiths grandmother?) , "Intelligent people need not use profanity or offensive language or demeanor this is because they are intellectual enough to convey their emotions without using such words" I believe this this is why i think about the impact of what i say and my views. I also judge one's intellectual ability by their choice of vocabulary. I as an intellectual refuse to disrespect anybody on no grounds and cause gross offence when it was completely uncalled for. The intent of your words and their relative impact is what is important to me. If you are stating race related statistics to try to prove one race is inferior and dehumanize a whole class of people i am not OK with that...however, of you use these stats to try and identify a problem within cultural or ethic groups and try to solve them i am all ears. It's all about intent.
    Thank you for reading this post.
    I'm interested to know your views.
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    25/04/2018

    Ok now to the real update.
    1. I have firmed plymouth uni for medicine
    2. Linclon is my insurance
    3. I am studying well OCD is practically under control with no signs of symptoms
    i have had fun i did i a biology mock this Monday i got an A 5 marks off an A* so i must try my hardest. Revising and working like a bull nut it will pay off. I have made a new friend on HelloTalk his name is LSP he is currently in France learning french and he is an awesome person... we have had our fair share of misunderstandings and disagreements but we sorted them out and i have subsequently become more aware and sensitive to other cultures as i accidentally caused offence as i am unfamiliar with Chinese culture.You live and learn shrug. I have met some beautiful people on HelloTalk i will post their photos with their permission of course. I have found the most effective way of revision for me which is exactly how i have been revising i just don't stress myself out? Anyways it pays off. . Flashcards are also VERY handy indeed as they can go wherever you go! check out the apps study lock ( prevents you from procrastinating on apps) and quizlet ! They are a god send and are francly SAVING MY EXAMS! See you guys soon! ZAI JIAN 再见
 
 
 
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