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My boyfriend said I could get a girlfriend. watch

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    I've had feelings of being transgender for about 20 years now and recently told my long term boyfriend. His initially told me that means we're over if I take any steps in that direction, but recently he asked if I wanted to get a girlfriend to "make [you] feel more like a guy" while staying in a relationship with him.

    I don't know what to think about this; I immediately said no but his desperation makes me feel so *****y - he'd prefer I get a girlfriend than transition and that desperation makes me feel so confused about transitioning. Truth be told, he is the only thing holding me back, then he deals me this card showing how much against it he is. I feel like he doesn't understand.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've had feelings of being transgender for about 20 years now and recently told my long term boyfriend. His initially told me that means we're over if I take any steps in that direction, but recently he asked if I wanted to get a girlfriend to "make [you] feel more like a guy" while staying in a relationship with him.

    I don't know what to think about this; I immediately said no but his desperation makes me feel so *****y - he'd prefer I get a girlfriend than transition and that desperation makes me feel so confused about transitioning. Truth be told, he is the only thing holding me back, then he deals me this card showing how much against it he is. I feel like he doesn't understand.
    I'm not sure if he wants some kind of 3 way relationship with a third person...

    If he's holding you back from being who you really are then leave him behind.
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    Maybe he feels like he'd lose you if you were to transition...or something along those lines.

    At the end of the day, he is just thinking of himself more than you (quite natural in one sense but...relationship wise, not the perfect partner I'd reckon).

    It's up to you now, do you feel like the NEED for transition is worth more than being with your current bf or being miserable/unhappy with your identity and staying with him (no certainty of how long the relationship is gonna last) is the better choice?
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    Poor guy, you should just end it with him if its like that because that's really not nice on him.
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    (Original post by jsk800)
    Poor guy, you should just end it with him if its like that because that's really not nice on him.
    I'm aware it's not nice on him. I am prepared to break up so I can transition but him saying stuff like this makes me realise how desperate he is to keep me. That's why I feel so torn.
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    (Original post by JDieMstr)
    Maybe he feels like he'd lose you if you were to transition...or something along those lines.

    At the end of the day, he is just thinking of himself more than you (quite natural in one sense but...relationship wise, not the perfect partner I'd reckon).

    It's up to you now, do you feel like the NEED for transition is worth more than being with your current bf or being miserable/unhappy with your identity and staying with him (no certainty of how long the relationship is gonna last) is the better choice?
    That's definitely what he feels. He said he's not attracted to men so if I transition it's over between us. Part of the problem I'm facing relates to your last paragraph - I think transitioning will make me happy but I don't know whether I'd be able to cope with losing him to be happy.

    He's so desperate to stop me transitioning and it makes me feel so guilty that he'd allow me to have a girlfriend if it meant he could keep me.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    That's definitely what he feels. He said he's not attracted to men so if I transition it's over between us. Part of the problem I'm facing relates to your last paragraph - I think transitioning will make me happy but I don't know whether I'd be able to cope with losing him to be happy.

    He's so desperate to stop me transitioning and it makes me feel so guilty that he'd allow me to have a girlfriend if it meant he could keep me.
    Mhm, give it a year or two, if you feel like you could spend the rest of your life "pretending" to be a woman and see yourself with your current bf (e.g. getting married, having kids, growing old together etc.) in the foreseeable future. If you cannot imagine yourself to be with him in couple of years time, you have your answer.
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    (Original post by JDieMstr)
    Mhm, give it a year or two, if you feel like you could spend the rest of your life "pretending" to be a woman and see yourself with your current bf (e.g. getting married, having kids, growing old together etc.) in the foreseeable future. If you cannot imagine yourself to be with him in couple of years time, you have your answer.
    ngl, every time I try to imagine myself in the future as a woman it makes me want to cry. I can't do another 50 years suppressing myself like this. But then I try to imagine a future without my bf and that makes me upset too - I want to grow old with him but I know that can't happen if I transition.

    I feel so torn.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    ngl, every time I try to imagine myself in the future as a woman it makes me want to cry. I can't do another 50 years suppressing myself like this. But then I try to imagine a future without my bf and that makes me upset too - I want to grow old with him but I know that can't happen if I transition.

    I feel so torn.
    Do you want the whole package e.g. look male/masculine, have a penis, grow a beard and everything else that comes with being a male in appearance or you want to act like a male? I mean, you could compromise and act like your true self (given your BF agrees) from time to time.

    Otherwise, sacrifices must be made. You cannot have both. If both has the same effect on you, go with the more safer option (which would be to see if your relationship gets to a stage where you get married, if not, you could always transition when you two seperate)?
 
 
 
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