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My girlfriend lives with her ex. It is making my anxiety go crazy watch

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    It's not just them, it's a house share of 5 people. When we're not together and we're not texting or there's a long gap between texts, I check when she was last active on facebook and snapchat, I check our joint netflix account to see if she is watching something. All in the hope of reassuring myself that she isn't talking to him, or worse. She could cheat on me and not leave any sort of trail given the situation.

    I think it's this bad because she was really really into him and he messed her around and broke her heart before things could get serious. Then we got together but I feel as though I was a second choice and originally she wanted him, even though she and I knew each other back then.

    This is messing me up. It can't be healthy. Their house contract runs until June
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    It is very unhealthy to worry like this. Try and ask her gently and in a way that she understands that you really care about her. Don’t show her that this situation is making you feel anxious. She doesn’t have to know that, that’s your problem. Instead of checking on her, spend the time doing something she would appreciate. Plan a trip or a day out together, surprise her with what she likes, experiences that the other guy didn’t give her. Girls like attention and a nice company. Just be yourself, relaxed and look forward to new life experiences because many more will come. :-) If this girl that you like had a broken heart by the other guy, she probably doesn’t want to experience the same pain again. His feelings will never change. But remember that anything she wants to do, is only her decision. You can give her your love and trust, but you cannot tell her how to act. To feel free in a relationship is the real key to long lasting happiness. Please don’t stress yourself and be happy that she chose to be with you. My bf is living on another continent right now and will be there for another 3-4 months. Sometimes it’s better not to ask, not to know. Just make sure they know that we are there for them whatever happens. Communication is the key and believe me, love is beautiful but not easy. I am 35 and still finding it to be a great challenge. All the best and enjoy life! :-)
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    (Original post by Aluccina)
    It is very unhealthy to worry like this. Try and ask her gently and in a way that she understands that you really care about her. Don’t show her that this situation is making you feel anxious. She doesn’t have to know that, that’s your problem. Instead of checking on her, spend the time doing something she would appreciate. Plan a trip or a day out together, surprise her with what she likes, experiences that the other guy didn’t give her. Girls like attention and a nice company. Just be yourself, relaxed and look forward to new life experiences because many more will come. :-) If this girl that you like had a broken heart by the other guy, she probably doesn’t want to experience the same pain again. His feelings will never change. But remember that anything she wants to do, is only her decision. You can give her your love and trust, but you cannot tell her how to act. To feel free in a relationship is the real key to long lasting happiness. Please don’t stress yourself and be happy that she chose to be with you. My bf is living on another continent right now and will be there for another 3-4 months. Sometimes it’s better not to ask, not to know. Just make sure they know that we are there for them whatever happens. Communication is the key and believe me, love is beautiful but not easy. I am 35 and still finding it to be a great challenge. All the best and enjoy life! :-)
    "Don’t show her that this situation is making you feel anxious. She doesn’t have to know that, that’s your problem."

    "but you cannot tell her how to act."

    =

    "Communication is the key and believe me"

    Bits in bold from your response. Communication is key.. just don't tell her how you feel, or what you think she should do...

    ---

    To the Op:

    Their contract runs out in 4 months. Tell her clearly how you feel about this, and that its making you uncomfortable, then if she is reasonable you can work together on a solution.

    If it were me in a relationship and I was looking for a solution I would say, well its only 4 months - bare it for now, but plan to live together away from her ex after her contract runs out. During these 4 months maybe you can visit more often so that you worry less about what's going on when your not there. In 4 months she moves away from her ex, or you join in with living with them all in the same or a different house, and then problem solved, carry on with your relationship.

    The difference between me and the poster above, is when I say that communication is important, I mean it. That means:

    Tell her how you feel, and what is on your mind
    Tell her, what you think should happen, what you can do, and what she can do
    Listen to her responses carefully and together try and address the problem.
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    Honestly thats a recipe for disaster and it's not your fault at all.
    Find some else.. four months is a long time!
    Trust your instincts, what your thinking is probably happening honestly.
    Two people who used to date...girl was obsessed with him...the ability to be with eachother in the night time..privately???
    Think it through lad.
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    Bro, the girl should already know how you feeling. How has she not assured you of her loyalty to you by now? She should tell you that she understands that the living situation that she is in is not ideal and it's only a matter of time . She should make you comfortable. Has this been done on her behalf? what efforts has she actually made to address this issue?
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    dodgy asf
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    Bro, the girl should already know how you feeling. How has she not assured you of her loyalty to you by now? She should tell you that she understands that the living situation that she is in is not ideal and it's only a matter of time . She should make you comfortable. Has this been done on her behalf? what efforts has she actually made to address this issue?
    Bro I've noticed that's how these guys operate they'll tell the guy its his problem and he should go and deal with it and if he worries about it then he's insecure :p:

    It's banter
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    ncts
    (Original post by Graduat33ntrym3d)
    Bro I've noticed that's how these guys operate they'll tell the guy its his problem and he should go and deal with it and if he worries about it then he's insecure :p:

    It's banter
    F the banter, a developed more "feminist" world don't mean that the ladies lose all common sense and deny the natural instinct of protective jealousy that a man has over their partner.
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    (Original post by zubz91)
    ncts

    F the banter, a developed more "feminist" world don't mean that the ladies lose all common sense and deny the natural instinct of protective jealousy that a man has over their partner.
    Acha what can you do fam that's being possessive and abusive these days

    This kind of the woman doesn't owe you anything attitude or vice versa with men even is the reason why divorce rates are close to 50%

    Society is too individualist these days, instead of consoling and convincing the person they're with they'll tell them to put up or get lost
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    (Original post by Graduat33ntrym3d)
    Acha what can you do fam that's being possessive and abusive these days

    This kind of the woman doesn't owe you anything attitude or vice versa with men even is the reason why divorce rates are close to 50%

    Society is too individualist these days, instead of consoling and convincing the person they're with they'll tell them to put up or get lost
    This is why the western society, is falling apart. There is no sense of community anymore. In terms of the now more "modern" woman which is being compared to the standard of a man. The more similar to a man you are the better? the way this world is going its getting more animalistic than humane and more evil than good.
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    Well you can't change the situation and it's not realistic to keep obsessing. It's so unhealthy and will damage your relationship. You need to find a way to trust her for four months until she can leave or accept it won't work.
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    wow you sound really soy
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It's not just them, it's a house share of 5 people. When we're not together and we're not texting or there's a long gap between texts, I check when she was last active on facebook and snapchat, I check our joint netflix account to see if she is watching something. All in the hope of reassuring myself that she isn't talking to him, or worse. She could cheat on me and not leave any sort of trail given the situation.

    I think it's this bad because she was really really into him and he messed her around and broke her heart before things could get serious. Then we got together but I feel as though I was a second choice and originally she wanted him, even though she and I knew each other back then.

    This is messing me up. It can't be healthy. Their house contract runs until June
    Honestly, that style of living is not healthy. If you're worried, ask her straight up, "Do you still have feelings for her ex",
    I don't know about you, but I'm quite good at reading people and it should either way be pretty obvious if she lies:

    for example if she said "No" too quickly, or hesitates and says a "mixed answer" or gives a "of course he's my ex blah blah-" or the "I swear on my life blah blah blah"

    Any of those, or you just don't feel right, just break up with her. You don't have to justify your reasons, because at the end of the day, she chose to put her self before you, and stay in that house, so you should come first for you. Also, you can always find someone else, its not like theres a limit of people you can meet.

    Like some other person said, "Communication is KEY" make it clear that if she can't move on, then you will. You don't need to pamper it up etc. just be straight forward and direct. And accept that if it doesn't feel right, then it probably isn't. No point hiding or trying to disguise it.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It's not just them, it's a house share of 5 people. When we're not together and we're not texting or there's a long gap between texts, I check when she was last active on facebook and snapchat, I check our joint netflix account to see if she is watching something. All in the hope of reassuring myself that she isn't talking to him, or worse. She could cheat on me and not leave any sort of trail given the situation.

    I think it's this bad because she was really really into him and he messed her around and broke her heart before things could get serious. Then we got together but I feel as though I was a second choice and originally she wanted him, even though she and I knew each other back then.

    This is messing me up. It can't be healthy. Their house contract runs until June
    Harsh reality, she will most likely let him bang her whenever he wants.

    Do u want to be that guy who has his girlfriend getting banged by her ex.

    If you've got any pride tell her that you aren't having her as your girlfriend if she lives with him.

    If she tries to put her foot down and say "i'm staying right where I am it's ur problem put up with it " --
    Then have the self respect/(balls) to end the relationship right at that moment.

    Alternatively be a bich and let her boss you and tell you what you have to put up with
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It's not just them, it's a house share of 5 people. When we're not together and we're not texting or there's a long gap between texts, I check when she was last active on facebook and snapchat, I check our joint netflix account to see if she is watching something. All in the hope of reassuring myself that she isn't talking to him, or worse. She could cheat on me and not leave any sort of trail given the situation.

    I think it's this bad because she was really really into him and he messed her around and broke her heart before things could get serious. Then we got together but I feel as though I was a second choice and originally she wanted him, even though she and I knew each other back then.

    This is messing me up. It can't be healthy. Their house contract runs until June
    its unlucky my dude, just gott a put trust that itll be ok
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    hey...i totally would feel the same if i were in your shoes but then there is no better medicine than communication. keeping such things to yourself makes you a monster by the day,,,this is because your focus will no longer be on your girlfriend but her mistakes and tying to link them with her roommate,,at the end of the day you will have wrong conclusions and even try to do something nasty to revenge. i personally think you should sit down with your girlfriend and try to sort those kind of things first...there can be no relationship based on lies than can last. if she is devoted to you then you have no choice than to trust her.
    #you situation is tough,,,,try talking to her
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    Does she stay in her own room or do they have one together, ffs what a predicament though

    You'll also come across as insecure if u ask her too.
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    But gosh imagine him still d***** her down
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    BE COMPLETELY TRANSPARENT IN EVERYTHING YOU ARE FEELING. your high anxiety about her cheating can be quickly solved by telling her and she either ensures she isnt or moves in somewhere else. if she is cheating then **** her, she doesnt deserve u
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    Sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. Is she willing to move in with you?
 
 
 
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