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'Prestigious' uni or being near girlfriend? Help! watch

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    My take is talk to your gf about it. You should have done this when choosing in the first place and you could have avoided the issue.

    You need to be a particular type of committed t make it work. It is possible and not easy. It is a silly situation to get yourself into.
    She should really move up to a better uni in the north. Depends how much you value each other.

    Stupid situation to get yourself into.
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    (Original post by norgaardd)
    Is she facing a similar dilemma to you? It's only fair she is.

    It seems like you're worrying about choosing between university and personal life but she isn't?
    Lots of people worried that she is dragging me 'down South' - I picked these unis a long time ago, before I even knew her. They are my choice and if anything she is pushing me to go for the more 'prestigious' unis.
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    (Original post by Doonesbury)
    OP is also a she.

    louisedrake you have the option of universities such as KCL, QMUL, RHUL, Surrey, Bristol, Bath (or similar) via Extra. (UCL appears not to be in Extra.)
    My grades aren't up for that, I'm afraid - I missed a lot of school last year and so have a B, and am predicted A*A for this year, but then again the availability of my choices isn't the issue, I'm happy to go to any of those 4 choices - my dilemma is whether the 'prestige' of St. A/Durham is worth a lot of mixing up of my life (changing of routine, losing a nearby best friend etc) when I've put in a lot of hard work in this relationship. It's a long term thing and so we wouldn't break up but it would be really, really hard.
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    (Original post by louisedrake)
    I didn't pick those unis for her - they were my choice when I applied a while ago for a different year before I even knew her, so I would never pick a uni just for someone else. Conveniently, Sussex and Goldsmiths are close to her, but that's just coincidence. The education will not vary greatly - it's still uni, Sussex ranks quite well for Psych (in my research, might be a little outdated), but I'm wondering whether the 'prestige' is all it's cracked up to be.
    How does that work? You picked your universities over 2 years ago and didn't review them before you actually applied this year?

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    (Original post by louisedrake)
    My grades aren't up for that, I'm afraid - I missed a lot of school last year and so have a B, and am predicted A*A for this year, but then again the availability of my choices isn't the issue, I'm happy to go to any of those 4 choices - my dilemma is whether the 'prestige' of St. A/Durham is worth a lot of mixing up of my life (changing of routine, losing a nearby best friend etc) when I've put in a lot of hard work in this relationship. It's a long term thing and so we wouldn't break up but it would be really, really hard.
    Have you asked Bath? Their typical offer is A*AA/AAA. A*AB may well be acceptable.

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    (Original post by Doonesbury)
    How does that work? You picked your universities over 2 years ago and didn't review them before you actually applied this year?

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    Wow, a lot of people calling me out on minutae. Valid question from you but referencing a lot of other comments.
    I picked them, oh, around exam time AS level, so a couple of years ago, and reviewed them now, and still liked them for this year. Changed a few of other choices but still liked Sussex/Goldsmiths.
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    (Original post by Doonesbury)
    Have you asked Bath? Their typical offer is A*AA/AAA. A*AB may well be acceptable.

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    Not sure I'm willing to risk Extra, and doesn't really solve my problem anyway
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    (Original post by louisedrake)
    Not sure I'm willing to risk Extra, and doesn't really solve my problem anyway
    Well my original advice still holds.

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    (Original post by louisedrake)
    Not sure I'm willing to risk Extra, and doesn't really solve my problem anyway
    Have you checked whether the courses at Durham and St Andrews have reading weeks? That makes taking a break mid term a lot easier.
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    (Original post by louisedrake)
    Self explanatory title, subject is Psychology.

    I have visited Sussex and Goldsmiths and like them - but don't LOVE them. St A's and Durham more fit my 'goal' of a 'prestigious' uni, but...
    it would mean living 2+ hours (at least) away from my girlfriend, who I have lived with full-time for 2 years.
    Of course I care about my education, and we would stay together no matter what uni, but I know it will be horrible leaving my best friend and support system for 3/4 years.
    If I go to Sussex/Goldsmiths we would be able to live together, the same as we are now, but I can't help feeling like I'm giving up a chance of a 'better' uni and I'm drawn to their reputation etc.

    Please no hateful comments etc, I really am under so much stress from this decision and any advice would be good.

    EDIT: the amount of hours doesn't matter, and if I went to Durham/St. A she would be in London, so around 2/3 hours. But again... not the important part of this question.
    Are u lesbian/bisexual? Never talked to one before!!
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    deffo not being hateful, just curious!!
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    Look, i'm in the same boat as you here. I haven't been with my boyfriend for as long as you with your girlfriend, or lived with him, but I have the option of Exeter which is very much in my comfort zone - 1.5hrs away from my parents/other family, I used to live in Exeter, I have friends around and family friends who could take me in in an emergency.
    Or I can go to Southampton. Which seems like the perfect course for me.

    As horrible as it is, people do say to prioritize your education. But I struggle to make new friends and get to know people (which I put down to anxiety :s).

    But at the same time, if you're not going to be happy, don't do it. Not going to a prestigious uni isn't the end of the world! You can always (if it's in your bigger plans) transfer if you need to, or you can do a PhD at another university. It's not the end of the world if you make what you might feel in a year's time is the "wrong" choice.

    I've always lived my life by going through pros and cons and what's logical, and I genuinely believe that I have some sort of natural intuition about where I should go and what I should do, I've had this with a lot of my academic choices so far, and none of them have turned out to be bad choices. If I was to go with this still, I'd be at Exeter.

    Sorry if this is very rambling-y, I'm really bad at phrasing what I want to say. I just wish you good luck in whatever you choose, and please remember it's not too late to change your mind after you apply there. Sure it's a hassle, but not the end of the world.
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    I would choose one of the more prestigious universities. If your relationship is that strong, then it shouldn't matter where the both of you are. If you don't go to one of the more prestigious universities, you will only beat yourself up for it later on in life, especially if your current relationship doesn't last. You only have this shot at university, you have all the time in the world for your partner, going to the better university now could mean a better lifestyle for the both of you later on.

    I am in a slightly different situation, I'm heading to Leeds to study mech eng, whilst my girlfriend is still in Year 12. She may end up at the same university as me as she wants to study mech eng too, and Leeds is the best for that degree, but even so, I wouldn't change my uni if she was headed elsewhere.
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    Hi, I know somebody who did exactly this. They went to Bristol his girlfriend went to Cardiff, so not very close but 40 minutes away. He did this instead of going to Imperial in London which is like 3 hours because he thought she was 'the one'. Well, it turns out he met someone who he ended up loving even more at Bristol, things got messy and he broke up with his gf. I'm not saying anything like this will happen to you, it's just an accecdote to think about. sounds cringeworthy but if its true love distance shouldn't matter.
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    I think you should listen to your gut and head to Durham or St A. You're right that if you stay, you might end regretting it - especially if you end up not liking your course or if you guys broke up further down the line. Besides, if you go up north and end up not liking it, you always have the option of of leaving, moving back to be with your gf, then reapplying somewhere else. If you stay down south and end up not liking it, you'll just be having a rubbish time and feeling resentful without a back up plan.

    If you haven't got a strong preference between St A or Durham, I'd say Durham because it's WAY easier to get to London from there (St Andrews is a mission, it don't even have a train station!) and it's three years, not four. So less time doing long-distance.

    I did long-distance for a year while I was studying, and it sucks, but if your relationship's meant to last then you'll see it through. These things tend to sort themselves out. Follow your gut, and best of luck!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Say goodbye to your girlfriend. A relationship should never hinder your goals.
    I somewhat agree with this.

    You should never let another person, pastime, hobby or other activity interfere with your aspirations and goals, whether this be a video game, a sport, or like in your case, a relationship. I told my girlfriend from the very beginning that I would prioritise my education over her, and she agrees and understands and accepts it because she is in the same boat as I am - she wants to do well and she has high goals like me, so it is important to us both that we do well at school.

    The thing you need to remember is that this is something that could potentially have an impact on your future life. Whilst you do (I assume) love your girlfriend, you need to think further ahead than that, and make priorities. I do not think you should "say goodbye to your girlfriend" as this anonymous poster said, but you should put your education first.
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    Sussex is a reputable uni much liked St A/Durham. Put your girlfriend to a side and ask yourself where do YOU really want to go? I’m certain that, with your motivation and dedication, you can both make your relationship work even if you did go away for uni. I have a family member who lives 2.5 hours from home but she still visits home regularly despite having crazy contact hours at uni as well as placement at hospitals. It is very costly on her but, to her, even if she can make the weekend, she will come to visit. Of course, not everyone’s situation is like that and it may not be possible for you to afford travel all the time but do consider the fact that, many people have left loved ones behind to go away to uni. You would not be the first.
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    Two hours is nothing. Seriously. My boyfriend was DEPLOYED to Iraq for one year. Didn't see him the entire second year of our dating. We've been together 5 years and just got married last October. I also work as a finance consultant which means I am working and travelling in different countires and states Mon-Fri and only see my husband on weekends most months.

    Distance is nothing if it's meant to be. Education first.
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    I wouldn't compromise your education and what you feel comfortable with for your girlfriend. If she truly loves you, and you truly love her, then distance will not be that big of a problem. It will suck, of course, however you will manage.
    I just don't want you to regret your decision, and just stick through it thinking "I made this choice for love, the uni sucks, but I'm here with her" - there's nothing worse than being in a place you didn't want to be at in the first place.
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    Okay this is very relateable for me, I split up with my boyfriend of 4 years for this exact reason, he tried to stop me from going to my dream uni because of how far away it is. If your relationship can survive the distance of uni then great but this is literally setting you up for how you want the craft your future... you will come home to visit your parents, friends, siblings.. if she can’t support your aspirations to go to a prestigious uni and be happy for you paving next your future in a uni you want then I would really think about whether it’s the right relationship to be in because you might, like me, discover it isn’t...
 
 
 
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