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Boyfriend thinks my hobbies are boring? watch

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    • #2
    #2

    Can I ask how on earth the word 'tosser' is sexist? Secondly, how on earth does that make her a 'tosser' considering he is the one pressuring her? I think it a completely reasonable thing to not drink considering her brother was an alcoholic and simply because she has different interests does not make her a 'tosser' by any means. The reason why the previous commenter referred to him as a 'tosser' was presumably because he was pressruring her into doing something that first of all isn't good for your health anyway, and secondly simply the act of pressuring anyone into doing anything, by my standards at least, is a much more accurate defining characteristic of being a 'tosser.'

    Personally, to return to the original question, i think you should break up with him. No one should be pressured into anything that they don't want to do. And then to make you feel bad by saying that you're boring for not doing those things is futher testament to the fact that this is not a good boyfriend. Understandably, you obviously have feelings for each other otherwise you wouldn't be going out. But in the politest way possible, without enforcing my judgement, this is unhealthy and unless he changes, I would suggest that you walk away from the relationship until he learns that to pressure you into something you don't want to do, is wrong.

    (Original post by 303Pharma)
    Rather sexist comment. Could just as well ask why she's choosing to go out with someone she has nothing in common with in the first place. He should dump her! She's just as much a tosser!
    • #3
    #3

    Personally I wouldn't date someone like you either because clubbing, pubs and parties are a big part of my life. I would still date someone who doesn't drink because sometimes I hardly drink as well, but I wouldn't want to date someone who would point blank refuse to do any nighttime social activities just because other people are drinking. You could always just drink coke etc. You don't need a tonne of alcohol to have a good time.

    That said, I do have friends like you, I just wouldn't date them. But that doesn't mean you should change, it just means you might not be as well suited to each other. I don't think your hobbies are boring either but perhaps if you want him to understand yours, maybe you could make an effort to understand his? Just join him at the pub one night and drink something non alcoholic.

    He's probably less bothered about the fact you don't drink and more bothered about the fact you won't be open minded and just come out and socialise. I think he's saying 'drinking is fun' because he means the whole social aspect is fun and you could still join him on that.

    Also there's nothing wrong with not wanting to drink, but just because your brother was an alcoholic, it doesn't mean it should have to put you off. I feel like sometimes people just use that as an excuse to get out of things (and don't say I don't understand, because I do). It is possible to just have one social glass of wine.
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    Keep saying no, if he can't respect your choices, especially because of what happened to your brother, dump him.
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    [QUOTE=Anonymous;76327406]I'm into very nerdy stuff like classical opera and ballet. I don't like going clubbing or to pubs because I'm a teetotaller but my boyfriend thinks that makes me boring. He always is persuading me to drink even when I told him that my brother was an alcoholic so that gave me a bad experience of alcohol. I always suggest alternative non-alcoholic things we can do like coffee shops or going to see the movies but he says that drinking is fun and me not drinking makes me boring. How do I make him understand that alcohol disgusts me and I simply do not want to drink it?[/if he cant respect u for who you are then things might not work out between the two of you,coz u both have to respect each others feelings and attitudes towards various things]
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    He's forcing you, not accepting you. Tell him to **** off
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    You don't. Stop spending your life having to justify yourself to others. Either ignore him or break up with him.
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    Not to intrude or anything but it seems like he's not liking you for who you are. If he's going to judge and insult that then he doesn't deserve you. Being in a relationship with someone means accepting their "flaws" and learning to enjoy the same things they do.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm into very nerdy stuff like classical opera and ballet. I don't like going clubbing or to pubs because I'm a teetotaller but my boyfriend thinks that makes me boring. He always is persuading me to drink even when I told him that my brother was an alcoholic so that gave me a bad experience of alcohol. I always suggest alternative non-alcoholic things we can do like coffee shops or going to see the movies but he says that drinking is fun and me not drinking makes me boring. How do I make him understand that alcohol disgusts me and I simply do not want to drink it?
    What!!! That's really cool what you like, I'm the same though, totally not into club life and I wouldn't be with anyone who thought that my hobbies are boring. He is boring for trying to make you do stuff you just don't enjoy. Dump him.
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    (Original post by UWS)
    You don't have common interests, that's grounds for breaking up.

    These are the things a couple could clear up before getting together. He probably doesn't want to be "that guy" who does the breaking up.
    That is a very petty thing to break up over.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm into very nerdy stuff like classical opera and ballet. I don't like going clubbing or to pubs because I'm a teetotaller but my boyfriend thinks that makes me boring. He always is persuading me to drink even when I told him that my brother was an alcoholic so that gave me a bad experience of alcohol. I always suggest alternative non-alcoholic things we can do like coffee shops or going to see the movies but he says that drinking is fun and me not drinking makes me boring. How do I make him understand that alcohol disgusts me and I simply do not want to drink it?
    You aren't a boring person for liking those things. 'The Marriage of Figaro' is one of my favourite operas. Maybe you can try to discover a new hobby together such as doing a new sports activity or attending cooking classes. Everyone loves food.
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    Every GF I've had thought my hobbies were boring, that's definitely not grounds for breaking up they were still great! I don't know the solution to the issue with alcohol though, hate the taste myself.

    Edit: forgot to tick anon box :facepalm:
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    You should reconsider who you're with, focus on yourself . I believe you already know what is best for you and you just want some reassurance . Do what you know is right, don't drag out the decision making it harder on yourself. If he shows the true willingness to change then help him and reconsider after sometime.
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    UMMMM....Is he dumb? Dancing is such a cool hobby. Your bf is honestly stupid cause before he knows it you'll be gone leaving him to wollow in alcohol. You shouldn't let someone determine what you do and don't want to do. It shouldn't be a question, he should respect your decision and get his ass out his head cause he's gunna end up losing you.
    To be honest if you think your hobbies are boring my friend likes doing homework for fun.
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    Get rid! Either that or sit down and thrash it out and make sure he understands how you feel. If he doesn't encourage and respect your interests and beliefs and pressurises you into doing something you don't want to do (especially if you have told him why) then you deserve a lot better. Sometimes people criticise others' interests and opinions and frankly it says more about them than it does you!

    If he still doesn't get it then he clearly lacks respect.
    (Oh and opera and ballet are really cool by the way)
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Personally I wouldn't date someone like you either because clubbing, pubs and parties are a big part of my life. I would still date someone who doesn't drink because sometimes I hardly drink as well, but I wouldn't want to date someone who would point blank refuse to do any nighttime social activities just because other people are drinking. You could always just drink coke etc. You don't need a tonne of alcohol to have a good time.

    That said, I do have friends like you, I just wouldn't date them. But that doesn't mean you should change, it just means you might not be as well suited to each other. I don't think your hobbies are boring either but perhaps if you want him to understand yours, maybe you could make an effort to understand his? Just join him at the pub one night and drink something non alcoholic.

    He's probably less bothered about the fact you don't drink and more bothered about the fact you won't be open minded and just come out and socialise. I think he's saying 'drinking is fun' because he means the whole social aspect is fun and you could still join him on that.

    Also there's nothing wrong with not wanting to drink, but just because your brother was an alcoholic, it doesn't mean it should have to put you off. I feel like sometimes people just use that as an excuse to get out of things (and don't say I don't understand, because I do). It is possible to just have one social glass of wine.
    Why do you need alcohol to socialise?
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by Manderley Inc.)
    Why do you need alcohol to socialise?
    Did you not read it? I said you don't need alcohol to have a good time. But she could still go out and socialise with her boyfriend and his friends and just not drink. Pubs are pretty chilled places.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Did you not read it? I said you don't need alcohol to have a good time. But she could still go out and socialise with her boyfriend and his friends and just not drink. Pubs are pretty chilled places.
    You said she should have one 'social glass of wine' to please her boyfriend even though she has specifically said she is teetotal and has alcoholics in her family. Who says she doesn't socialise with her boyfriend? The problem is her boyfriend is pressuring her to do something she doesn't want to do.
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by Manderley Inc.)
    You said she should have one 'social glass of wine' to please her boyfriend even though she has specifically said she is teetotal and has alcoholics in her family. Who says she doesn't socialise with her boyfriend? The problem is her boyfriend is pressuring her to do something she doesn't want to do.
    I said that as one comment at the end because I think some people get a bit too concerned with being teetotal and don't realise one small glass of wine isn't going to make you an alcoholic. I didn't even relate it to her pleasing her boyfriend. I was saying if she wants to compromise with her boyfriend she could go out and drink something non-alcohlic. I then made a separate comment saying that perhaps she's just using her brother's alcoholism as a kind of excuse to be so withdrawn and really there's a different issue. Perhaps even some sort of social anxiety but I'm not going to diagnose.
    Obviously she does interact with her boyfriend but she said she doesn't like going to the pub or going to clubs which is clearly a big part of her boyfriend's life and it wouldn't hurt to maybe compromise and socialise in the evening at a pub. If she doesn't want to then that's fine, but she can't criticise her boyfriend's hobbies and then say 'oh but he won't come to the ballet with me'. I highly doubt her boyfriend is trying to shove drinks down her throat, he just probably wishes she would be more open minded and at least come and hang out with him.
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    OP plenty of people don't like their partner's hobbies but you accept that they love it and don't pressure them to change, especially on something like your (sounding) pretty fundamental beliefs around alcohol... a really good partner will even occasionally try something just because you love it. If he can't respect what you like then he doesn't sound like the right guy for you.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I said that as one comment at the end because I think some people get a bit too concerned with being teetotal and don't realise one small glass of wine isn't going to make you an alcoholic. I didn't even relate it to her pleasing her boyfriend. I was saying if she wants to compromise with her boyfriend she could go out and drink something non-alcohlic. I then made a separate comment saying that perhaps she's just using her brother's alcoholism as a kind of excuse to be so withdrawn and really there's a different issue. Perhaps even some sort of social anxiety but I'm not going to diagnose.
    Obviously she does interact with her boyfriend but she said she doesn't like going to the pub or going to clubs which is clearly a big part of her boyfriend's life and it wouldn't hurt to maybe compromise and socialise in the evening at a pub. If she doesn't want to then that's fine, but she can't criticise her boyfriend's hobbies and then say 'oh but he won't come to the ballet with me'. I highly doubt her boyfriend is trying to shove drinks down her throat, he just probably wishes she would be more open minded and at least come and hang out with him.
    I'm not criticising my bf's hobbies. I just don't want to drink. I never ask him to go the ballet with me because I know guys will think its too girly for them. I always go with friends instead.
 
 
 
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