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    Ok, so this might get lengthy! Sorry!

    I am in my third year at uni and I have lived with the same people since my first year but from October everything started to go down hill. Due to my own personal problems (family bereavement and illness) I have been spending less time in my uni house, and more time with my family. Since this has happened I have begun to feel very left out and isolated. I have never felt like I fully fitted in with these people, but have always tried to be nice, kind and do what I can to make sure I never caused any problems.

    Anyway, it all kicked off when I went home as my Grams had passed in November. I was at home for about 10 days and over this period no one at any point asked or messaged to see if I was ok. I can understand that maybe they didn't want to upset me and to give me space so even though I felt very alone I just brushed it under the carpet and thought nothing of it. However, when I got back to my uni no one in my house was speaking to me, and I had no idea what I seemed to have done apart from go home. When I walked into the kitchen I would smile and say hello etc but there would be times where they wouldn't even say hi back. It got me down so much that I just did not want to live there.

    Then what really upset me was when we did a group secret santa for Christmas, and I went out and got what I thought was really nice thoughtful presents, but when it came round to giving the gifts the person who had me simply said she forgot about it. I just felt like I'd put in a lot of effort and this person couldn't even be bothered to get anything (we live directly opposite a supermarket) it's not like a shop was far away. Anyway, I went home that Christmas to feel really depleted and low, but was convinced that after Christmas everything would seem to be ok again.

    After Christmas I came back and was really happy and friendly to everyone, but it was not reciprocated. I would hear them all in one girls room chatting, laughing and doing stuff together but would never invite me; the only time I would be there is if I basically invited myself but I just continually got the vibe they didn't want me there. It then started to get to the stage where they would go shopping, or to lunch and just never invite me. It was sad as they had obviously all been planning these things together and then would post them all over social media. It's sucked.

    Things have not got better I had to go away again as my brother was diagnosed with cancer, and even when I left the house crying and told them why I was going as I shut the door I heard one of them say 'oh look she's off again' and then laughed. To me it just felt cruel.

    After my brothers surgery I came back to uni and I decided to confront them and say I've felt really left out and not welcome. I didn't shout I stayed calm and said it in the nicest way possible. The response I had was that what did I expect when I'm hardly ever here, and that really hurt. One girl started shouting at me saying I shouldn't live there and wasn't welcome, and when I asked what I'd done she didn't give me an answer. I have been nothing but nice and civil and had a s*** time recently but apparently that wasn't good enough. Since that moment they have taken to social media to indirect me, write posts about me and make it more and more obvious that I am not one of them. I have quite a good moral compass and if I felt like I'd done something then I would've apologized immediately but I feel like I've done nothing wrong.

    I honestly feel so down and upset people are still like this and see their behavior as ok. It's just made my final year miserable and I am too far away from home to move back and still continue my studies. I just don't want to live with these people where I feel pure anxiety leaving my room even to go pee, but I don't see what other options I have.

    Any advice would be grately appreciated x
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    Hi!

    I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this as I went through something similar during my third year of uni where the same thing happened to me in a rented flat I shared with who I thought was one of my best friends and our other friend who gradually isolated me from everything until there was a clear divide between me and them and know how miserable being in this kind of situation can make you. I know you keep trying to think of what you did wrong, as I did, but it sounds like you have done nothing wrong and they have just decided they do not want to be friends with you for no reason whatsoever which is immature and childish, especially shouting at you merely for asking, but can often happen when living with a group of girls. I don't know how likely it would be for you to move out at this stage into other uni accommodation or how close you are to finishing third year but I would definitely recommend staying in halls or a uni house next year with different people - it doesn't necessarily have to be people you know as I ended up with a lovely group of girls - and you will be surprised at how much more relaxed you feel and able to concentrate on your studies and not about little things that nobody should have to worry about every day in their own house. Again, it also depends how long you are willing to stay in that situation or if you feel like you need to get out as I'm sure your university would be able to accommodate you moving into other accommodation to finish the year if the situation is unbearable.
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    I think you should see someone from your university Student well-being team and get a new flat.

    You don’t deserve to live like this.
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    Definitely move out don't bother would these lot as they will make you more and more depressed.

    Unfortunately it is the society we live in, everyone is spoon fed and have this image they want to keep. Some youngins are yet to experience trauma and what not, therefore, when they are confronted with someone that is going through a tough time they would laugh it off because they believe they are superior.

    (Original post by Anonymous305)
    Ok, so this might get lengthy! Sorry!

    I am in my third year at uni and I have lived with the same people since my first year but from October everything started to go down hill. Due to my own personal problems (family bereavement and illness) I have been spending less time in my uni house, and more time with my family. Since this has happened I have begun to feel very left out and isolated. I have never felt like I fully fitted in with these people, but have always tried to be nice, kind and do what I can to make sure I never caused any problems.

    Anyway, it all kicked off when I went home as my Grams had passed in November. I was at home for about 10 days and over this period no one at any point asked or messaged to see if I was ok. I can understand that maybe they didn't want to upset me and to give me space so even though I felt very alone I just brushed it under the carpet and thought nothing of it. However, when I got back to my uni no one in my house was speaking to me, and I had no idea what I seemed to have done apart from go home. When I walked into the kitchen I would smile and say hello etc but there would be times where they wouldn't even say hi back. It got me down so much that I just did not want to live there.

    Then what really upset me was when we did a group secret santa for Christmas, and I went out and got what I thought was really nice thoughtful presents, but when it came round to giving the gifts the person who had me simply said she forgot about it. I just felt like I'd put in a lot of effort and this person couldn't even be bothered to get anything (we live directly opposite a supermarket) it's not like a shop was far away. Anyway, I went home that Christmas to feel really depleted and low, but was convinced that after Christmas everything would seem to be ok again.

    After Christmas I came back and was really happy and friendly to everyone, but it was not reciprocated. I would hear them all in one girls room chatting, laughing and doing stuff together but would never invite me; the only time I would be there is if I basically invited myself but I just continually got the vibe they didn't want me there. It then started to get to the stage where they would go shopping, or to lunch and just never invite me. It was sad as they had obviously all been planning these things together and then would post them all over social media. It's sucked.

    Things have not got better I had to go away again as my brother was diagnosed with cancer, and even when I left the house crying and told them why I was going as I shut the door I heard one of them say 'oh look she's off again' and then laughed. To me it just felt cruel.

    After my brothers surgery I came back to uni and I decided to confront them and say I've felt really left out and not welcome. I didn't shout I stayed calm and said it in the nicest way possible. The response I had was that what did I expect when I'm hardly ever here, and that really hurt. One girl started shouting at me saying I shouldn't live there and wasn't welcome, and when I asked what I'd done she didn't give me an answer. I have been nothing but nice and civil and had a s*** time recently but apparently that wasn't good enough. Since that moment they have taken to social media to indirect me, write posts about me and make it more and more obvious that I am not one of them. I have quite a good moral compass and if I felt like I'd done something then I would've apologized immediately but I feel like I've done nothing wrong.

    I honestly feel so down and upset people are still like this and see their behavior as ok. It's just made my final year miserable and I am too far away from home to move back and still continue my studies. I just don't want to live with these people where I feel pure anxiety leaving my room even to go pee, but I don't see what other options I have.

    Any advice would be grately appreciated x
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    People saying move out don't understand how student flats work. You can't get out unless you replace yourself on the tenancy. You should ask your friends if they know anyone who might like to replace you if they're not happy with you living there. If not then you need to find a way to live with it. Try and make some new friends and get some hobbies and basically just build a life which doesn't involve them. Stop trying to get involved if they are making it clear they don't want you there. Try and just accept that friendship hasn't lasted, and theirs probably won't after uni either if they can't handle you going away a couple of time... you can find someone better. And try and just see your flat as a way to live... not a friendship group.
 
 
 
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