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Pls mark my GCSE paragraph

Pls mark my English language Question 2 paper 1 answer. This is worth 8 marks so it would be much appreciated if u could give me a score as well as improvement comments. Also I am aware that I used “the narrator”too much as at the start of the question it gives me his name so that was my mistake.

How does the writer use language here to describe the narrator’s fright and confusion?
*
You could include the writer’s choice of:
words and phrases
language features and techniques
sentence forms

Firstly the writer uses the repeated rhetorical questions to show that the narrator is confused as he is unsure of himself. He asks himself “What was it?” which shows that he is unsure of what he is looking at showing he is baffled at the sight. He also may be frightened as he isn’t fully sure what he is looking at, therefore it could be harmful. The reader may feel sympathy for the narrator as he could be looking at something dangerous

Secondly the writer uses the semantic field of violence when he describes the animals as “dangerous” and wild”. This suggests that the animals could harm the narrator as “dangerous” connotes death. Also the narrator may feel confused as he doesn’t know why the animals may be “dangerous” and “wild”. The reader may feel frightened for the narrator as he may be in a deadly situation

The writer uses the onomatopoeia “shrieking” to describe what the narrator heard monkeys doing. This suggests that the narrator may be very confused as he is unsure of why they are shrieking. He also may be scared at the fact that they are crying out. The verb “shrieking” connotes crying which could further scare the narrator as something terrible may have occurred with the monkeys. Alternatively, this could show that the monkeys have been hurt which could indicate that the narrator may be harmed too making him scared even more.
Ask ur teacher for proper feedback
Reply 2
Use punctuation a bit more.
Original post by Rags05
Pls mark my English language Question 2 paper 1 answer. This is worth 8 marks so it would be much appreciated if u could give me a score as well as improvement comments. Also I am aware that I used “the narrator”too much as at the start of the question it gives me his name so that was my mistake.

How does the writer use language here to describe the narrator’s fright and confusion?
*
You could include the writer’s choice of:
words and phrases
language features and techniques
sentence forms

Firstly the writer uses the repeated rhetorical questions to show that the narrator is confused as he is unsure of himself. He asks himself “What was it?” which shows that he is unsure of what he is looking at showing he is baffled at the sight. He also may be frightened as he isn’t fully sure what he is looking at, therefore it could be harmful. The reader may feel sympathy for the narrator as he could be looking at something dangerous

Secondly the writer uses the semantic field of violence when he describes the animals as “dangerous” and wild”. This suggests that the animals could harm the narrator as “dangerous” connotes death. Also the narrator may feel confused as he doesn’t know why the animals may be “dangerous” and “wild”. The reader may feel frightened for the narrator as he may be in a deadly situation

The writer uses the onomatopoeia “shrieking” to describe what the narrator heard monkeys doing. This suggests that the narrator may be very confused as he is unsure of why they are shrieking. He also may be scared at the fact that they are crying out. The verb “shrieking” connotes crying which could further scare the narrator as something terrible may have occurred with the monkeys. Alternatively, this could show that the monkeys have been hurt which could indicate that the narrator may be harmed too making him scared even more.


If you want a harsh mark, I'd say 7/8 (LEVEL 4)
However, I don't have a copy of the extract so I'm struggling to think of how to improve it.

You have:

Analysed the effects of the writer’s choices of language

Used a judicious range of quotations

Made sophisticated use of subject terminology.


Well done! A great response overall.

Reply 4
Original post by Odavies11
If you want a harsh mark, I'd say 7/8 (LEVEL 4)
However, I don't have a copy of the extract so I'm struggling to think of how to improve it.

You have:

Analysed the effects of the writer’s choices of language

Used a judicious range of quotations

Made sophisticated use of subject terminology.


Well done! A great response overall.




How is 7/8 a harsh mark !

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