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O.C.D what is it like? Please comment if you have experienced it! watch

    • #5
    #5

    Hi there, for me personally i havent been diagnosed by a professional, however I believe i have a form of OCD known as 'pure-O' OCD. this is essentially where you obsess over scary intrusive thoughts, e.g for me my head would try to convince me horrible things about myself, show me distressing mental images, and also kind of think things that my ocd tried to tell me i 'want' to do. also i think its called intrusive wishes, but e.g my head would say 'i wish ----- would die'. these things were incredibly distressing to me, and i would react by freaking out, ruminating on these thoughts, and also performing internal checks, so if id have an intrusive thought id focus on my emotional & physical response, if i wasnt disgusted id freak out more.

    i was unable to focus on any work, and completely lost my sex drive for fear of an intrusive thought popping up.

    the stress and guilt over these thoughts also made me incredibly run down, id regularly have diarrhoea, or nearly throw up. id pick at the skin on my fingers till i bleed, and scratch all over my scalp, leading it to sting and bleed.

    for me the main thing that has helped me are distractions, like watching youtube videos, listening to music etc. anything to try and cover over the thoughts. also learning about ocd, and hearing other peoples stories really helped me to realise i wasnt something horrible, its a mental illness. there are some really great resources online.

    id also just like to stress that you can have intrusive thoughts about so many things, murder, harming others, distressing thoughts( e.g incest, paedophillia), blasphemous religious thoughts etc. because for so long i struggled with how scary my thoughts were and was completely unable to open up or even search online for help incase someone thought i was something bad, but there is help out there, trust me.

    http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/support-info/
    https://www.mind.org.uk/information-.../#.Wp7f6ujFJPZ
    https://twitter.com/thepathtochange
    https://twitter.com/AshleyCurryOCD
    https://twitter.com/OCDUK
    https://twitter.com/secretillness
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    Switches being on with nothing plugged in. Back in school I'd go around my classrooms turning off taps or flicking switches off.
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    • #1
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    #1

    (Original post by Bio 7)
    Switches being on with nothing plugged in. Back in school I'd go around my classrooms turning off taps or flicking switches off.
    That sounds horrible what did ur friends think
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    That sounds horrible what did ur friends think
    It wasn't that bad and in Physics they'd try to annoy my by turning switches on. It was a bit of fun but switches on in programmes really annoys me.
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    I'm not full on OCD, like washing my hands and drying them ritualistically twenty-three times before I can consider them clean.

    But It's been suggested[*] by a senior consultant clinical psychotherapist that I do have mild, functional (ie it doesn't unduly effect my life) OCD.

    For example in my kitchen. I have a three shelved spice/herb rack. Mixes have to all go on the top shelf, spices have to go in the middle one, dried herbs have to go on the bottom. They have to be in alphabetical order, with the label facing straight forward.

    The door of the fridge is where I keep milk, juices, and condiments. The shelves have to be ordered by height, tallest closest to the hinge, shortest furthest from the hinge. Again, with the labels facing straight forward.

    I know this is irrational. I'm well aware it's a ridiculous silly need. But it's not a matter of aesthetics, or logic, it just feels so wrong, if things aren't placed a certain way.

    No idea why this (kitchen is just one example) is a thing. Cant put a finger on when it started, but probably after I first moved out of home. Some would just consider it a quirk, a mild character flaw, rather than medicalize it.


    [ * ie, made it clear it was just his opinion, based on the time spent with us talking privately, without a true diagnostic taken in a clinical setting he wasn't willing to give a true professional explonation ]
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    OCD is akin to a fog in my mind. I have to do things in odd numbers like touch things 3 times and I’m actually afraid of even numbers because I think something bad will happen to my family or I think intrusive thoughts like they are a pedophile even though I know no one in my family is. I question reality, like once I woke up and my legs were numb and felt spaced out, and I convinced myself I’d been raped and pregnant, even though I’m a virgin and no one could have gotten into my house I’m sure. I question if family members or men in public have felt me up even though I know they haven’t. It’s a constant torment and I like awake saying to myself, He’s not this and she’s not, convincing myself that unless I say that then the intrusive thoughts are facts.
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    My ocd makes me feel like a stranger in my own body like it takes over me. I have this thing with the number 4 doing things in 4s like locking my car over and over but like i feel so ashamed when i get weird looks and my boyfriend will be like come on it locked. Its horrible knowing its irrational but not being able to stop. People tell you to just stop but they dont understand that you cant just stop. I went to the drs about it and they just pushed me out of the door with a leaflet and told to come back if i felt like killing myself so yeah it feels really misunderstood by most people. Hay ho hopefully gonna try at get help at uni or try medication.
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    It’s when it affects your day to day life enough that it is having a bad effect on you.
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    • #6
    #6

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I get repetitive intrusive thoughts. I think I have a more 'secret' form of OCD, which is very different from the OCD that's commonly known in the media.

    I wake up in the morning and have thoughts that I am something and then I perform mental checks in my head to make sure that I am not that something that I fear. I continuously do this about many different things

    A common thought process for me goes like this: I scroll through social media or randomly think something, I get triggered by that thing, I get increasingly anxious that I could be that thing or I am that thing, I then mentally check if I am that thing or I am not that thing and repeat it during the day. By 'thing' could mean anything from me thinking I'm a murderer, a paedophile, transgender (nothing against transgender - just for me it's an irrational fear), being straight (I'm gay) or being anorexic, or a psychopath. As I've attached so much meaning to these things, whenever I question myself remotely about these things or have a random thought in my head, I automatically get anxious and think I am these things. As you can imagine, many of these things are common in conversation, so it is difficult for me not to get triggered and become anxious every day.

    However, receiving help has made me feel better, less anxious and experience less frequent OCD moments. I am able to shrug off intrusive thoughts much more easily than I could have before, minimising my anxiety. It's taught me that when I'm upset, stressed or more tired, I am far more susceptible to having an OCD anxiety moment, so I know that a sudden rise in OCD moments is normal and I am not going mad. It's hard and I know it will never go away completely and I will most likely experience OCD moments throughout the rest of my life, but it is treatable so that it will most likely become white noise. I'm 17 and I haven't quite got to that stage yet, but I can already feel myself improve so I am excited for now and the future whereby OCD will have less of a grip on my life.

    I used to feel so scared and anxious, but now I am leading a better life with far less OCD terror, so I'm pretty content. I've made my peace with it (I say that but I haven't quite)!
    I have this also, so frustrating when you people talk about OCD as this cleaning obsession.

    i have some resources that should help and also help you know that you are not alone in this, I have the exact same OCD as you.

    Check out these resources on Amazon

    Overcoming OCD (has specific small sections on your symptoms)
    Also a novel called PURE is good, I can't remember the author but just google 'Pure - OCD'

    Also if you need to talk to someone call OCD action and never Samaritans - they are **** for OCD

    Hope this all works out!!
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    I don’t really know when it started but I was diagnosed when I was around 10, maybe slightly younger (it was year four of school?). But anyways, for me, I think knowing made it worse because I would panic about it more. I would have rather not have known - until I was older at least.

    For me, it is mostly like you have a thought but instead of being able to dismiss it you feel as if it won’t go away BECAUSE you wanted it too.

    Like when I was younger a lot of it was about hurting people. I would get an urge to say shove over a classmate (so they would be hurt) but I would be disgusted by the thought and panic. And I would react by hurting myself because the distraction of the pain made the thought go away. I would pull my eyelashes and eyebrows and I would cut deep into my skin with my finger nails (to the point that I have scars). As I’ve grown older the violent thoughts have only gotten worse, now I often feel afraid of killing people (I remember being sat in chemistry and feeling the urge to throw acid at someone) and even though I KNOW I would never do such a thing I feel afraid that I could.

    Another thing that has definitely ‘crippled’ my social life (especially dating wise) is I can’t touch people. I used to have this irrational fear that if i touched someone I would harm them, or if they touched me it could harm me. I do acknowledge that this I a really stupid and illogical thought but I still feel too afraid to touch/be touched. I can’t even hold hands with someone or be tapped on the shoulder. And when I either build up the courage to do it or it happens by accident in public I feel as if I will literally die. My heart beats so fast that I feel like other people can hear it, I ‘zone out’ of what is around me, I see black around my vision, and I feel faint and dizzy. This then makes me panic that I will die.

    The third thing is not so bad - but it made school very difficult - is I’m mysophobic. I feel really afraid of dirt and contamination and being poisoned (though I am not certain if that is the same). So like I can’t eat anything that hadn’t been wrapped up in a store or had meat in it if it was wrapped (I don’t really know how to explain what I mean by that, but like factory wrapped). My school has all the food on display - so you pick up what you want to eat - which meant I didn’t eat for five years any lunch. I only ate a Cadbury Dairy Milk from 8am to 5pm because I didn’t want to eat dirty food (in case I was poisoned). I can only eat food either myself or my mother cooked, and when I try to eat anything else I usually throw up (because I get worried that it will make me ill which ends up making me ill regardless).

    I couldn’t go to the toilet at school either because of this, and it damaged my bladder and gave me very bad pains. I can only use my home toilets.

    Lots of people used to bully me because I used to refuse to touch the door handles and other really insignificant things that just looked strange I guess. I also managed to p**s off my head mistress because I refused to shake hands in assembly with her, and then she did it anyway and I walked off the stage to get sanitiser out of my bag as soon as I sat down. I felt so ashamed and it kind of makes me sad that everyone else just finds it funny.

    I only ever told one friend about it (because they straight up asked me if I have it) and we never spoke of it again. Other people have asked me but I never tell them because I know they are only asking to make fun of me. It is kind of pathetic how even teachers joke about it in class and stuff, like ‘oh my board has chalk on it and I’m wiping it: I’m so ocd!’. I wish people understood, it makes me burn up inside when people say that.

    I’m naturally a very neat and detail orientated person - even though that has nothing to do with it - can anyone else relate? Like I’ve always been a perfectionist but it doesn’t relate, even when lots of people think it would.

    I’m sorry that this is so long btw. And even then I didn’t say much ha ha. I’m going to apologise if everything makes no sense btw.

    EDIT: I was too embarrassed to say this at first but I want to. One thing that has started happening in the past year is I get really weird thoughts about Male teachers (i am straight). Like I had this one teacher and every class I would imagine kissing him when he spoke to me, but it felt semi-realistic (like I was remembering it, even though I knew I wasn’t). And then I was afraid I might be gay, I know I’m not though. I’ve never reacted to it, I’ve just been mortified and clearly flustered in class. He kept asking if I was ill the whole year eek.
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