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    I have to write a creative story. The topic is atmosphere. I decided I am going to do it on a car crash. My intro is describing the crash and then the next paragraphs are her waking up and like describing what she can see, hear, taste, feel and smell so I can get techniques and methods in. The middle of my story is when she realises her brother was in the car and so the climax of tension is when she finds his cold lifeless body. At the end I am leaving it on a cliff hanger. The last para in my story she will hear sirens and when the sirens grow closer and closer her head starts to spin and she blacks out. I need help describing the character blacking out and also I don’t know what to call it . Any ideas?
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    I'd paint the sirens as a sign of hope, have her fighting against the umbra and numbness closing in around her as she fights to keep her consciousness, clinging desperately onto the sound of the approaching ambulance as she begins to succumb to the darkness. You don't really need a word alternate for 'black out', just describe it well enough and it'll be clear what you mean - show don't tell.
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    Maybe call it something that sounds quite emotionless? Like, "Tuesday 24th Novemeber 2018, 5:18PM" because it may suggest the disconnection? if you want super emotion, i have no ideas haha. Maybe the character could just seem to be losing thoughts (like, trying to explain in vivid detail but becoming uncertain of details?) until it vaguely describes something before blacking out and just stops? Sorry I'm not much help
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    (Original post by PlayWithMarkers)
    I'd paint the sirens as a sign of hope, have her fighting against the umbra and numbness closing in around her as she fights to keep her consciousness, clinging desperately onto the sound of the approaching ambulance as she begins to succumb to the darkness. You don't really need a word alternate for 'black out', just describe it well enough and it'll be clear what you mean - show don't tell.
    Thanks. Do u have any idea what I should do for the title?
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    (Original post by death07/08/17)
    Maybe call it something that sounds quite emotionless? Like, "Tuesday 24th Novemeber 2018, 5:18PM" because it may suggest the disconnection? if you want super emotion, i have no ideas haha. Maybe the character could just seem to be losing thoughts (like, trying to explain in vivid detail but becoming uncertain of details?) until it vaguely describes something before blacking out and just stops? Sorry I'm not much help
    Thanks. I shall play around with ideas and see what sounds the best.
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