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Language q3

Pls mark my English language Question 3 paper 1 answer. This is worth 8 marks so it would be much appreciated if u could give me a score as well as improvement comments.
You now need to think about the whole of the Source. This text is from the opening of a novel. How has the writer structured the text to interest you as a reader?
You could write about:
what the writer focuses your attention on at the beginning
how and why the writer changes this focus as the Source develops
any other structural features that interest you
At the beginning of the extract the writer focuses the readers attention to the dismal weather. He describes the day as “old and grey” and tells the us how the weather changed overnight. This is interesting as the reader may want to find out mor about this weather and what the significance of it is. The reader may feel intrigued and wants to read on further to see what the effects of the weather are on the people in the coach.
During the climax of the extract the writer changes the topic to a man who is angry at the driver. He “rose from his seat in fury” and “cursed” the driver. The writer dies this to scare the reader and it may give the reader a lot of questions to think about in their head. At this point the reader starts to feel tense and may be on the edge of their seat, urging to find out more.
This extract is in third person which makes the reader feel as if the narrator is omniscient. This means that the descriptions in the extract are more reliable and can talk about anything. The writer uses third person to give the reader more information so they can picture the whole journey and feel more involved

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