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Yesterday I split with my gf of 5 months... watch

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    It was my first proper relationship with somebody, so I can't help but feel melancholy, considering I planned to propose sometime next year. She had mental health issues, and started to not show any affection for me, as well as constantly started arguments which never really aimed to resolve anything, but 'score points'...

    I suppose my question is, what is the best way in moving forward? I had trouble sleeping last night, and there's a painful feeling in my stomach (like butterflies, but times it by 10). I can't help but feel like the break-up could have been prevented, along with many other regrets. I also have some uni work to do, but my mind is racing with the memories I shared with her.

    Any tips?
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    You'll get over it with time.

    Also, this relationship clearly wasn't healthy and wasn't going to last, at least not as a happy one. Time will heal you both.
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    Break ups are hard, it only happened yesterday so it's natural that you'll be feeling pretty sh*t. And at the end of the day you're only 21 and you were only together five months. You're only young, and realistically it was way too early to be thinking about anything as serious as a proposal.

    The best way to move on is to spend time with family/friends and keep yourself busy to keep your mind off of it. It's difficult to adjust to a life without someone who was so important to you but it can be done and you will feel better over time. Whatever you do, don't just sit and dwell over what happened and if you did anything wrong. It's easily done but it'll make you feel worse.
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    (Original post by howitoughttobe)
    Break ups are hard, it only happened yesterday so it's natural that you'll be feeling pretty sh*t. And at the end of the day you're only 21 and you were only together five months. You're only young, and realistically it was way too early to be thinking about anything as serious as a proposal.

    The best way to move on is to spend time with family/friends and keep yourself busy to keep your mind off of it. It's difficult to adjust to a life without someone who was so important to you but it can be done and you will feel better over time. Whatever you do, don't just sit and dwell over what happened and if you did anything wrong. It's easily done but it'll make you feel worse.
    Yeah, you're right. I guess I'm just a romantic guy and, at the time, I got satisfaction from the idea that I could do something as romantic as propose to a girl who I thought loved me as much as I loved her. Out of the tunnel vision, I can now see that it wasn't going to work and, if anything, a proposal would have only delayed the inevitable...

    I'll try to keep myself preoccupied. Thank you.
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    (Original post by Volibear)
    You'll get over it with time.

    Also, this relationship clearly wasn't healthy and wasn't going to last, at least not as a happy one. Time will heal you both.
    Yeah, you're right too. I hope it heals quickly, and especially for her.
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    (Original post by Joel 96)
    Yeah, you're right. I guess I'm just a romantic guy and, at the time, I got satisfaction from the idea that I could do something as romantic as propose to a girl who I thought loved me as much as I loved her. Out of the tunnel vision, I can now see that it wasn't going to work and, if anything, a proposal would have only delayed the inevitable...

    I'll try to keep myself preoccupied. Thank you.
    Trust me I've been there. I was convinced I was going to marry the last guy I dated but we broke up three months ago and now when I look back I can't even believe we dated for so long, marriage would definitely not have worked out. We just weren't compatible and it was only after the relationship was over that I realised how badly matched we were. I'm not saying that this will be the case for you, but being out of the relationship might allow you to see things from a different perspective.

    Yeah try and keep yourself busy and suddenly you'll find you reach a point where you'll realised you've gone like a whole hour without thinking about her, then it'll be a few hours, a whole day etc. And don't be afraid to show your emotions, if you want to sit and have a good cry or punch a pillow then do it. Let your emotions out (in an appropriate environment) and you'll feel better, and over time the emotions will weaken and you'll adjust to life without her.
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    There's a saying,'don't stick your **** in crazy'. Can sound harsh, cruel even, but few relationships were one (let alone both) partners have mental health problems work out well. Know from first hand observation (anecdotal i know), from a family member, and several friends, these relationships often become abusive over time. Better it end sooner, rather than later.

    Best you can hope for, is you get past this and move on, without regrets and recriminations. And hope she gets the help she needs. Whether cognitive behavioral therapy, clinical psychotherapy, and/or the right dose, of the right psychotropic pharmaceutical medication.

    Wish the best for the two of you going forward.
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    (Original post by howitoughttobe)
    Trust me I've been there. I was convinced I was going to marry the last guy I dated but we broke up three months ago and now when I look back I can't even believe we dated for so long, marriage would definitely not have worked out. We just weren't compatible and it was only after the relationship was over that I realised how badly matched we were. I'm not saying that this will be the case for you, but being out of the relationship might allow you to see things from a different perspective.

    Yeah try and keep yourself busy and suddenly you'll find you reach a point where you'll realised you've gone like a whole hour without thinking about her, then it'll be a few hours, a whole day etc. And don't be afraid to show your emotions, if you want to sit and have a good cry or punch a pillow then do it. Let your emotions out (in an appropriate environment) and you'll feel better, and over time the emotions will weaken and you'll adjust to life without her.
    Sorry to hear that.. Yeah, I guess I will probably have the same perspective in a few months or weeks. It's weird though, right now I know I have the ability to rationalise the situation, yet that feeling of her being "the only one" still clings to me. I realise that it's no longer true, but I'm still being a massive crybaby over it.

    I'll try to, but it's kinda hard when there's no one around to really talk to. I was planning on visiting my family today, but the snow has pretty much ruined any chances of that happening. I did cry in bed last night, which helped a lot. I hope the adjustment comes quickly.

    (Original post by 303Pharma)
    There's a saying,'don't stick your **** in crazy'. Can sound harsh, cruel even, but few relationships were one (let alone both) partners have mental health problems work out well. Know from first hand observation (anecdotal i know), from a family member, and several friends, these relationships often become abusive over time. Better it end sooner, rather than later.

    Best you can hope for, is you get past this and move on, without regrets and recriminations. And hope she gets the help she needs. Whether cognitive behavioral therapy, clinical psychotherapy, and/or the right dose, of the right psychotropic pharmaceutical medication.

    Wish the best for the two of you going forward.
    It's fine, I appreciate the sentiment. We never actually did anything, it was a very innocent relationship, yet it still had its problems and the mental health issues were there. The anecdote is pretty accurate, it was starting to get uncomfortable.

    Thank you.
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    So does she still not like you?
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    (Original post by JasmineHoward)
    So does she still not like you?
    We spoke for the first time since we broke up about 2 weeks ago. I asked how she was doing, and she said "wonderful, you?". Kinda sounded like she said it with such disdain, you know? As if she's better off without me. That's fine because I'm completely over it all now, but it did hurt a little. I'm happy she's happy though. Just moving on with my life now.

    Thanks for asking.
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    I’m in a similar boat to you. I was with my gf for 1.5 years and broke up in January and her mental health issues amplified end of last year. I was going to propose to her this Valentine’s Day just gone. No matter how much I supported her, she was always trying to score points in stupid arguments.

    All I can say to make it feel better is that time WILL heal. The first few months have been tough but it gets better, gets easier to deal with and allows you to look forward to someone who won’t want to score points but solve the issues. Throw yourself into your uni work or socialise with your friends more. Create memories to go over the top of the old but never forget.

    Lastly, don’t be afraid to talk to uni counsellors. They are there to help no matter what and will get you through it. Hope this helped
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    (Original post by Pete_M21)
    I’m in a similar boat to you. I was with my gf for 1.5 years and broke up in January and her mental health issues amplified end of last year. I was going to propose to her this Valentine’s Day just gone. No matter how much I supported her, she was always trying to score points in stupid arguments.

    All I can say to make it feel better is that time WILL heal. The first few months have been tough but it gets better, gets easier to deal with and allows you to look forward to someone who won’t want to score points but solve the issues. Throw yourself into your uni work or socialise with your friends more. Create memories to go over the top of the old but never forget.

    Lastly, don’t be afraid to talk to uni counsellors. They are there to help no matter what and will get you through it. Hope this helped
    That's a very similar situation. I'm sorry it happened to you too.

    It's true that time has healed, and I'm very thankful I waited and didn't do anything rash during those very hard months.

    Thank you.
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    (Original post by Joel 96)
    It was my first proper relationship with somebody, so I can't help but feel melancholy, considering I planned to propose sometime next year. She had mental health issues, and started to not show any affection for me, as well as constantly started arguments which never really aimed to resolve anything, but 'score points'...

    I suppose my question is, what is the best way in moving forward? I had trouble sleeping last night, and there's a painful feeling in my stomach (like butterflies, but times it by 10). I can't help but feel like the break-up could have been prevented, along with many other regrets. I also have some uni work to do, but my mind is racing with the memories I shared with her.

    Any tips?
    Do some STEP papers
 
 
 
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