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my mom is really scared of me moving away for uni watch

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    (Original post by moggygeorgieee)
    hi !

    so i'm going to Oxford in October to study languages, providing i get the A-level grades. the only uni anybody has ever been to in my family is near to where we live - so my mom would be okay if i was going there. but, where we live is about an hour and a half away from Oxford. My mom is so scared of me moving away because nobody in our family has ever been separated for that period of time before, and she keeps talking about how it's going to break her heart and how i'll struggle lots without them to support me. i guess that's kind of true, but how can i comfort her and let her know we won't drift apart? and how can I cope myself at uni with them being so far away?

    tyyy xo
    An hour and a half is no distance. I lived in the west country and went to university in York.

    Communication is so easy via phone or Skype etc, it's hardly like the days of weekly letters to keep in contact with your family. You won't drift apart, honest.

    Do you think you will struggle without your family? Why? Or is it that your mother keeps suggesting that you will and this is affecting you?

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    An hour and a half in not a long-time, thats my commute to school lol
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    For goodness sake !!

    Your Mum needs to get a grip. She should not be trying to make you feel guilty. She gave birth to you but that does not give her the right to use you as a company forever.

    I am sorry, but I am a mature student and feel that I can say that. When I first went to Uni it was all about the occasional phone call. Now your Mum will be able to keep in touch via any social media method she likes (but best tell her that sometimes you will be in a seminar and cannot answer immediately).

    How far do you live away?? 90 minutes! You can go home every weekend if you want. There will be students on your course that would take two days to get home - but they will cope because a big part of university is learning to live in the world and make your own decisions.

    I feel that it is a parent's job to raise a child to follow their dreams. You have been offered a place at university and she should be proud of you.

    Maybe it would be best if you played things down (I needed to have a rant but best if you don't!!), just tell her that you will be fine and you will keep in touch. Remind her that vacations are long and that you will come home. One piece of advice though - when you go home don't take your washing because that is a sure sign to your Mum that you cannot live independently.
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    Oxford has short 8 week terms...a lot shorter than other Universities.

    As a parent with 2 sons at Uni, I do despair of parents going into grief and mourning like someone was dead, just because their adult child is off to Uni...it just makes you more anxious and it’s only March! Whatever will she be like in September?

    90 minutes is no distance at all...a short train ride. I wouldn’t recommend going home every weekend as you need to settle in and get to grips with independent life. Go home once a month and that should be enough for you and put new adult boundaries in place with your mother.

    Summer holidays are practically 4 months, a month at Christmas and a month at Easter. You will be home for vast amounts of time and your mother should realise that. She could always visit you too for a day trip as it’s only 90 minutes away.

    Good luck to you, but remove the apron strings gradually or you won’t be able to settle in and enjoy University life if you are constantly going home to an anxious parent.
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    I do not like your mother. It's not your job to comfort her, you're going to go make something of yourself, she should respect that. Bleh.
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    (Original post by PlayWithMarkers)
    I do not like your mother. It's not your job to comfort her, you're going to go make something of yourself, she should respect that. Bleh.
    (Original post by Bernadette04)
    Oxford has short 8 week terms...a lot shorter than other Universities.

    As a parent with 2 sons at Uni, I do despair of parents going into grief and mourning like someone was dead, just because their adult child is off to Uni...it just makes you more anxious and it’s only March! Whatever will she be like in September?

    90 minutes is no distance at all...a short train ride. I wouldn’t recommend going home every weekend as you need to settle in and get to grips with independent life. Go home once a month and that should be enough for you and put new adult boundaries in place with your mother.

    Summer holidays are practically 4 months, a month at Christmas and a month at Easter. You will be home for vast amounts of time and your mother should realise that. She could always visit you too for a day trip as it’s only 90 minutes away.

    Good luck to you, but remove the apron strings gradually or you won’t be able to settle in and enjoy University life if you are constantly going home to an anxious parent.
    (Original post by ollienbert)
    For goodness sake !!

    Your Mum needs to get a grip. She should not be trying to make you feel guilty. She gave birth to you but that does not give her the right to use you as a company forever.

    I am sorry, but I am a mature student and feel that I can say that. When I first went to Uni it was all about the occasional phone call. Now your Mum will be able to keep in touch via any social media method she likes (but best tell her that sometimes you will be in a seminar and cannot answer immediately).

    How far do you live away?? 90 minutes! You can go home every weekend if you want. There will be students on your course that would take two days to get home - but they will cope because a big part of university is learning to live in the world and make your own decisions.

    I feel that it is a parent's job to raise a child to follow their dreams. You have been offered a place at university and she should be proud of you.

    Maybe it would be best if you played things down (I needed to have a rant but best if you don't!!), just tell her that you will be fine and you will keep in touch. Remind her that vacations are long and that you will come home. One piece of advice though - when you go home don't take your washing because that is a sure sign to your Mum that you cannot live independently.
    (Original post by Juvilation)
    An hour and a half in not a long-time, thats my commute to school lol
    (Original post by ageshallnot)
    An hour and a half is no distance. I lived in the west country and went to university in York.

    Communication is so easy via phone or Skype etc, it's hardly like the days of weekly letters to keep in contact with your family. You won't drift apart, honest.

    Do you think you will struggle without your family? Why? Or is it that your mother keeps suggesting that you will and this is affecting you?

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    Thanks all, I didn't realise so many people had replied lol

    yeah I get that an hour and a half is nothing compared to some, my moms friends daughter is at Plymouth which takes a day to get to, but idk I think she's just gonna have to deal with it. Ty again x
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    (Original post by moggygeorgieee)
    Thanks all, I didn't realise so many people had replied lol

    yeah I get that an hour and a half is nothing compared to some, my moms friends daughter is at Plymouth which takes a day to get to, but idk I think she's just gonna have to deal with it. Ty again x
    She is indeed! 😀

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