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    Hello, I'm currently 17 years old, a few months away from being 18 and female, I attend sixth form and live with my parents.

    Ever since sixth form started my parents like me to walk home with someone if I'm out late (at a party or just a social gathering). This I found perfectly fine as I can see why they would be scared to have me out alone.

    But more recently, they started giving me a curfew. They said it was because they were "nervous" that they didn't know where I was even if I texted them and told them my boyfriend would be walking me home.

    Today, because I was so fed up of my parents being annoyed at me for never being home before half 10, I was texting my mum saying that I could stay at my boyfriend's house so we wouldn't have to walk home at night (This is new territory for me and my boyfriend as I haven't stayed over yet)

    Instead of agreeing, she said that my dad was going to come pick me up. Once I got home, my parents told me I was "being rude" that I wasn't communicating to them enough about my plans (usually I don't even know them myself) and that I have to "properly plan" it with my boyfriend's parents if I wanted to stay over (despite that I had already made it clear that they were okay with me staying over).

    They also suggested that because they want to sleep they don't want me to come home and wake people up. This would also be fixed if they had allowed me to stay at my boyfriend's.

    To me it just seems like they want to baby me more before I go to uni and is obviously very irritating because they're being very controlling.

    So, am I being unreasonable or not?

    TL;DR - my parents just started giving me a curfew even though I'm almost 18 years old. When I suggest a valid way to fix the situation they shut me down and tell me they're coming to pick me up.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hello, I'm currently 17 years old, a few months away from being 18 and female, I attend sixth form and live with my parents.

    Ever since sixth form started my parents like me to walk home with someone if I'm out late (at a party or just a social gathering). This I found perfectly fine as I can see why they would be scared to have me out alone.

    But more recently, they started giving me a curfew. They said it was because they were "nervous" that they didn't know where I was even if I texted them and told them my boyfriend would be walking me home.

    Today, because I was so fed up of my parents being annoyed at me for never being home before half 10, I was texting my mum saying that I could stay at my boyfriend's house so we wouldn't have to walk home at night (This is new territory for me and my boyfriend as I haven't stayed over yet)

    Instead of agreeing, she said that my dad was going to come pick me up. Once I got home, my parents told me I was "being rude" that I wasn't communicating to them enough about my plans (usually I don't even know them myself) and that I have to "properly plan" it with my boyfriend's parents if I wanted to stay over (despite that I had already made it clear that they were okay with me staying over).

    They also suggested that because they want to sleep they don't want me to come home and wake people up. This would also be fixed if they had allowed me to stay at my boyfriend's.

    To me it just seems like they want to baby me more before I go to uni and is obviously very irritating because they're being very controlling.

    So, am I being unreasonable or not?

    TL;DR - my parents just started giving me a curfew even though I'm almost 18 years old. When I suggest a valid way to fix the situation they shut me down and tell me they're coming to pick me up.
    Their house and their rules. When its your house then you can decide for yourself. hang on till you get to uni and then you can stay out all night an shack up with multiple bfs if you wish. I normally ask if there is a cultural issue, but I would guess not in this case.
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Their house and their rules. When its your house then you can decide for yourself. hang on till you get to uni and then you can stay out all night an shack up with multiple bfs if you wish. I normally ask if there is a cultural issue, but I would guess not in this case.
    What I don't understand is why they started doing this so recently, I used to walk home alone at a later time than now and it never used to bother them, but now I'm older they're babying me more. I don't think they've ever complains to my two older brothers about the same thing either.
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    I can understand a curfew if they're worried, however are they having to let you in your house when you come home? because I can understand that
    They may have been nervous with the whole staying at boyfriend situation, talk it through. Explain you'll be at uni next year and if they can be a bit relaxed.
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    (Original post by AzureCeleste)
    I can understand a curfew if they're worried, however are they having to let you in your house when you come home? because I can understand that
    They may have been nervous with the whole staying at boyfriend situation, talk it through. Explain you'll be at uni next year and if they can be a bit relaxed.
    They're not having to let me in and while I do get that they could be worried about the whole boyfriend thing, I'm sharing a room with him on holiday when we go with friends, and my dad was the one that chose the room. So if it is that then they're being overdramatic.
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    Although it does sound unreasonable that they've only just started giving you a curfew, unfortunately whilst you still live in their house you have to abide by their rules. You'll be off to uni soon and will be able to do whatever you want so hang onto that thought.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    What I don't understand is why they started doing this so recently, I used to walk home alone at a later time than now and it never used to bother them, but now I'm older they're babying me more. I don't think they've ever complains to my two older brothers about the same thing either.
    At this point in the cycle, then focus on your exams. You could have much much worse parents (beating, abusing, throwing you out) so a bit of over protection you should just live with it.

    Maybe they dont want you to be sleeping with your bf?
    Maybe you are annoying?
    Maybe they are just concerned for you?

    Boys walking home are less vulnerable than girls. Just reign yourself in, take up boxing and just chill.

    Pick your battles and am afraid as annoying as you might find it, this one doesnt matter. You will have your independence soon enough.
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    They are simply protecting parents. Do not judge them too hursh as they are somehow right. As long as you are minor and in their house, they are responsible for you. Did you give them any reason to give you a curfew???
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    (Original post by the_queen)
    They are simply protecting parents. Do not judge them too hursh as they are somehow right. As long as you are minor and in their house, they are responsible for you. Did you give them any reason to give you a curfew???
    Not at all really. I'm more of a night owl so I prefer to stay out later. The only reason I can think of is that when I come home I may wake them up by closing the front door (I try to do this as quiet as possible) and stuff but since I go to bed later than them anyway, this really isn't that different since I'd be moving around on the landing. And since I gave a perfectly reasonable way of fixing it by staying at my boyfriend's, it makes it even more confusing.
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    At this point in the cycle, then focus on your exams. You could have much much worse parents (beating, abusing, throwing you out) so a bit of over protection you should just live with it.

    Maybe they dont want you to be sleeping with your bf?
    Maybe you are annoying?
    Maybe they are just concerned for you?

    Boys walking home are less vulnerable than girls. Just reign yourself in, take up boxing and just chill.

    Pick your battles and am afraid as annoying as you might find it, this one doesnt matter. You will have your independence soon enough.
    Mate, I realise that I could have parents that are physically abusive and I consider myself lucky that I don't. But helicoptering parents can be just as damaging in some senses.

    To answer your questions:
    1. I'm literally going on holiday with my boyfriend where we will be sharing a room, my dad was the one who booked our double bed room. They shouldn't have a problem with it because he seemed fine with it then.

    2. How is this even relevant?

    3. I get they want to know that I'm safe, but I've never had a problem walking home yet. I would always have someone male walk me home, and most of the time it's my boyfriend who is more than capable at protecting me if something were to happen (but generally I live in a safe area).

    I don't understand your need to tell me how to live my life. I already know boys are less vulnerable which is why I always have someone walk me home. Why would I want to take up a violent sport? Violence (watching or partaking) literally makes people more violent.

    And while you say independence isn't a good enough battle, it is to me. I value my own independence a lot. Being told what to do goes against my core nature (I have a defiant personality type) and since my parents aren't exactly the most involved in what happens in my life, I don't see why they gain the right to tell me how I should live it.

    By the way, your reply was very rude and I really didn't appreciate it as it gave next to no valid points. Maybe next time, proof read and consider your tone?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Not at all really. I'm more of a night owl so I prefer to stay out later. The only reason I can think of is that when I come home I may wake them up by closing the front door (I try to do this as quiet as possible) and stuff but since I go to bed later than them anyway, this really isn't that different since I'd be moving around on the landing. And since I gave a perfectly reasonable way of fixing it by staying at my boyfriend's, it makes it even more confusing.
    I dont think the door is the reason. They simply dont like the idea you sleep out. They do not feel comfortable but dont know how to manage it. Parents !!!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Mate, I realise that I could have parents that are physically abusive and I consider myself lucky that I don't. But helicoptering parents can be just as damaging in some senses.

    To answer your questions:
    1. I'm literally going on holiday with my boyfriend where we will be sharing a room, my dad was the one who booked our double bed room. They shouldn't have a problem with it because he seemed fine with it then.

    2. How is this even relevant?

    3. I get they want to know that I'm safe, but I've never had a problem walking home yet. I would always have someone male walk me home, and most of the time it's my boyfriend who is more than capable at protecting me if something were to happen (but generally I live in a safe area).

    I don't understand your need to tell me how to live my life. I already know boys are less vulnerable which is why I always have someone walk me home. Why would I want to take up a violent sport? Violence (watching or partaking) literally makes people more violent.

    And while you say independence isn't a good enough battle, it is to me. I value my own independence a lot. Being told what to do goes against my core nature (I have a defiant personality type) and since my parents aren't exactly the most involved in what happens in my life, I don't see why they gain the right to tell me how I should live it.

    By the way, your reply was very rude and I really didn't appreciate it as it gave next to no valid points. Maybe next time, proof read and consider your tone?
    You asked whether you were being unreasonable and I pointed out it isnot all one way. You seem to have difficulty seeing both sides and being able to pick your battles. You will get your independence soon enough, especially if you get good grades and move out. Focusing on your exams is 100 times more important than the issues you mention. Unfortunately you are unable to see this and have picked the wrong battle at the wrong time, which is your choice and your life to do.

    You are unable to see this, so get on with wasting energy and take it to your parents. Point out you are nearly 18 , not a child any more and they are being unreasonable. Be extra defiant about it. See how that works for you.


    Ps I dont care how you live your life. I was suggesting an approach for least resistance, that in the long term will make it less stressful and be more beneficial for your long term goals.
    Parents dont have to make sense all the time, but as everyone has pointed out, their roof and their rules. If you feel so unjustly treated then talk to them .
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    You asked whether you were being unreasonable and I pointed out it isnot all one way. You seem to have difficulty seeing both sides and being able to pick your battles. You will get your independence soon enough, especially if you get good grades and move out. Focusing on your exams is 100 times more important than the issues you mention. Unfortunately you are unable to see this and have picked the wrong battle at the wrong time, which is your choice and your life to do.

    You are unable to see this, so get on with wasting energy and take it to your parents. Point out you are nearly 18 , not a child any more and they are being unreasonable. Be extra defiant about it. See how that works for you.


    Ps I dont care how you live your life. I was suggesting an approach for least resistance, that in the long term will make it less stressful and be more beneficial for your long term goals.
    Parents dont have to make sense all the time, but as everyone has pointed out, their roof and their rules. If you feel so unjustly treated then talk to them .
    I already took it to my parents, whenever I have they always end up making the same invalid points and finishing the argument telling me no and that I will be home on time. They rarely actually listen to anything I say in any situation.

    My problem with you're saying is that you seem to think I'm not focusing on my exams which I very much am. I normally spend a day a week with him outside school which I don't think is unreasonable. Since he'll be at least 3 hours away from me next year, I don't think it's wrong that I want to spend the night at his house.

    I do not believe I have difficulty seeing both sides. I get they want to be protective or something but because they will not give me any valid reason as to why, I think it is unreasonable. Just saying "my house, my rules" to me isn't a valid argument in my book especially since they've never said that to me before.

    Usually when they do want me to do something, they have an actual reason behind it, this is possibly the most illogical thing they've ever done. Especially since they treat my brothers differently.
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    You are being unreasonable. Firstly what you’re saying is completely one sided and obviously looks like you’re trying to put your parents in the wrong.
    I don’t care if you’re 18 if your parents have a legitimate reason for worrying about you, then you should respect them regardless.
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    (Original post by HateOCR)
    You are being unreasonable. Firstly what you’re saying is completely one sided and obviously looks like you’re trying to put your parents in the wrong.
    I don’t care if you’re 18 if your parents have a legitimate reason for worrying about you, then you should respect them regardless.
    That's my problem, from my point of view, they don't have a legitimate reason for worrying about me. I've never had anything happen to me when I've been out late as I always ensure a male friend is with me - usually my boyfriend.

    Why do you think I'm being one sided? I've tried to understand their point of view but they simply fail to bring up any points which couldn't be solved by me staying at my boyfriend's.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    That's my problem, from my point of view, they don't have a legitimate reason for worrying about me. I've never had anything happen to me when I've been out late as I always ensure a male friend is with me - usually my boyfriend.

    Why do you think I'm being one sided? I've tried to understand their point of view but they simply fail to bring up any points which couldn't be solved by me staying at my boyfriend's.
    Just because nothings happened to you so far that doesn’t guarantee nothing can ever happen.
    Can you stop making excuses to justify yourself and just accept that your parents are more wise and want the best for you? Otherwise you’ll keep giving yourself this false sense of being a victim.
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    (Original post by HateOCR)
    Just because nothings happened to you so far that doesn’t guarantee nothing can ever happen.
    Can you stop making excuses to justify yourself and just accept that your parents are more wise and want the best for you? Otherwise you’ll keep giving yourself this false sense of being a victim.
    But I'm being safe by having a male friend with me (plus my boyfriend only lives 2 streets away its not like there's much opportunity for anything to happen while he's walking me home) and have also given a way of fixing the situation entirely by saying I can stay at my boyfriend's house. I get that they want what's best for me, but since they tend to ignore whatever I say when I've spoken to them about this, it seems clear to me that they want to baby me.

    You can't guarantee that I'd be safe in my own home anyway, people have broken in before. Saying things like "you can't guarantee it" isn't the most logical of arguments because you can apply it to anything. I take the necessary precautions when I walk home by having someone with me, I don't see that as excusing myself. In fact my parents used to ensure that I was walking home with someone and that used to be enough, as soon as I get a boyfriend, suddenly I have a curfew.

    My problem is not that they want what's best for me, or where I want more independence. My problem is a sudden restriction in my own freedom for no valid reason, or at least none that have been said to me by them.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    But I'm being safe by having a male friend with me (plus my boyfriend only lives 2 streets away its not like there's much opportunity for anything to happen while he's walking me home) and have also given a way of fixing the situation entirely by saying I can stay at my boyfriend's house. I get that they want what's best for me, but since they tend to ignore whatever I say when I've spoken to them about this, it seems clear to me that they want to baby me.

    You can't guarantee that I'd be safe in my own home anyway, people have broken in before. Saying things like "you can't guarantee it" isn't the most logical of arguments because you can apply it to anything. I take the necessary precautions when I walk home by having someone with me, I don't see that as excusing myself. In fact my parents used to ensure that I was walking home with someone and that used to be enough, as soon as I get a boyfriend, suddenly I have a curfew.

    My problem is not that they want what's best for me, or where I want more independence. My problem is a sudden restriction in my own freedom for no valid reason, or at least none that have been said to me by them.
    You’re old enough to make your own decision. My point isn’t to convince you to just follow your parents and be quiet about it.
    If you haven’t noticed already, you’ve just been making excuses to justify what you want. I don’t care id you have 100 boys with you, my point is: who will be responsible for you if anything happens?
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    (Original post by HateOCR)
    You’re old enough to make your own decision. My point isn’t to convince you to just follow your parents and be quiet about it.
    If you haven’t noticed already, you’ve just been making excuses to justify what you want. I don’t care id you have 100 boys with you, my point is: who will be responsible for you if anything happens?
    I know I'm old enough to make my own decision, it's my parents that don't seem to get that. I'm responsible for myself, but my parents literally come pick me up from where ever I am if I miss my curfew. I never agreed to have a curfew they just decided one day that I was to have one.

    My point is my parents think I'm being unreasonable that I want independence and all they want to do is baby me.
 
 
 
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