Me and my partner have been together for over 3 years now, and she has been the best thing in my life. We have travelled Europe together, had lots of fun and most importantly been each other’s rock through good times and bad. I even saved her life but that's a different story which I don't like talking about much. Like any LTR, there have been ups and downs, but ultimately, we have been devoted to each other with the intent on getting married as soon as we finish our studies. We are both mature students (I'm 24 studying psychology at uni whilst she is 27 studying accountancy through a part time course).
I'd say the changes started to develop around 2 months ago. Neither of us had very many friends and were mostly in each other’s company almost exclusively, she has self-esteem problems which I find ridiculous as she is extremely beautiful and lovely, and she never really ventured to make friends. Well, around 2-3 months ago, she met a Polish girl of a similar age on her course (Same nationality as her), and started hanging out with her quite often. My gf told me that this girl works as an escort (Fancy term for prostitute), and often travels to different destinations in Europe for business. Well, not too soon, my gf jetted off to Warsaw with this girl to spend 4 days. I was concerned knowing that she was an escort, but my gf bought me round and assured me it was just a trip back home and that they were staying at her apartment and were going to be hanging out with friends of this girl, going out etc. I was still concerned about it but trusted her that it was a girls holiday and not anything devious.
On the trip she had a good time. She sent me pictures of herself out with these girls, spoke to me everyday on the phone and although my imagination was somewhat active, I stayed relaxed and was fine. After the trip is when things have really started to change.
It begun with her being on the phone ALL THE TIME in Polish to the girl and other friends she had made. I didn't mind too much, I was glad she had friends and seemed happy... the only annoying thing was that I had no idea what she was talking about. But she would come to mine, and instead of snuggling and watching a movie or cooking some nice food and talking, she would lay on my bed talking to her friends for hours at a time and if not that then on messenger. She then started becoming evasive of me...not responding to my messages and finding excuses not to meet up. A few weeks ago we met up for the first time in a week for a coffee and then to go and have a night at my place, but when she turned up about 30 minutes late, she was talking on her phone and didn't even acknowledge me for about 10 minutes, and then started being really strange toward me...not aggressive, just kind of sarcastic and having one word responses to conversations I was trying to start. In the end we went to mine and I recall it being fine, I asked her if she still loved me and if everything was fine in her book, and she confirmed that of course she loves me.
This past week though has been the worst. Whenever I try to message her, even to say good morning, she responds with 'I'm busy' or some other lame excuse if not at all, even though she is active on messenger. When I bought it up, she blocked me, only to unblock me hours later. I haven't seen her now for 2 weeks, when we used to spend every day together. She was supposed to spend Friday night with me, only to at 6pm say that she had to cancel as she had accountancy homework to do, but that she would be with me on Saturday night. Well, what do you know...after trying to get hold of her all day to arrange a time and place, at around the same time again she cancelled due to having 'a sudden cold' and she even fake coughed on the phone.
I am fearing that these girls have been a bad influence on her. I recently discovered that these girls all work in the adult industry as escorts or strippers, and have heard of the multiple day drug and booze binges they have together...and my gf was there with them. I remember during their trip, they phoned me up one night drunk and were all ripping on me, messing with me and ridiculing me for how much money I make compared to them. When I confronted my gf, she had told me she was asleep at that time and told them off the next day, but I was sure I heard her laugh in the background. I tried to plan a little getaway over Easter break, but she told me she already has plans to go away with her friends in that time, and when asked where and for how long, didn't respond, and changed the topic. However today she told me she loves me still and wants to be with me. I am very confused and feel almost like she is playing games with me.
The fact is she has changed, for worse...and I am worried about her. She has begun drinking a lot, and is usually fairly drunk when I talk to her. I am deeply worried that they are coercing her into becoming a hooker. She is going to really screw her life up and all for the sake of fitting in with a few friends. We are supposed to be moving into our own place together in May and I want her to snap out of it and become her usual self again.
I feel like there is not much I can do. If she is going to choose becoming a trashy alcoholic 'you know what' then that is her life choice and she is free to make it, but it absolutely breaks me to witness this happening and I feel like I am being punished for nothing. What do I do to convince her that they are the wrong crowd? I feel like there is a certain point at which I need to have some self-respect and walk away because I am being treated like a total fool. But I will do anything within my power to not let it get to that point because I can see the path she will be on and it's ugly, and I don't want to live the rest of my life thinking about what could and should have been.
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My girlfriend has changed for worse...What do I do? watch
- Thread Starter
Honestly the best thing to do is say you want to meet her friends and hang out with them 'because if theyre going to be a big part of her life than you want make at least a small part of yours.' And if they are how you describe them and persist to attack you while youre in front of them with your girlfriend there and she doesnt defend you, then pull her aside and say 'honestly I have always loved and respected you which is why I cant understand why youre willing to let people degrade and attack someone who's cared for you for 3 years but if these are really the people your choosing to spend your time with Im just going to have to accept it however it does not mean I like it. Im going to leave now. I hope you have fun and we can discuss this further later' and just walk off. and if she tries to further the conversation, "honestly I feel so frustrated and hurt right now which is why I'd like to talk when Im calmer." and then decide what you want to do.