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I can't make it to medicine because of depression and anxiety. watch

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    Ever since I was a little kid, I had the aspiration of becoming a doctor. It was the only thing I wanted to do.

    That continued for years and it showed up in my life a lot- I liked Science more than any subject, I found dissections fascinating, operations were cool, I'd always have lengthy discussions with people in the field. It was fun- and I wanted to make that dream a reality. I worked hard in class and always got top results.

    Then, in Year 9, I began experiencing what I now know as depression. It wasn't that severe, and it didn't really seem like anything. It got worse with each passing year. By Year 11, I was getting lower results than usual, I was crying in school and feeling more and more miserable. Come GCSE results day, I didn't get my straight A predictions. I got a bunch of Bs, Cs and only a few As. I had never cried that much in my life.

    My parents were shocked by my results. They began getting worried for me, they were scared I'd have a future where I wouldn't be happy.

    Year 12, in A-Levels, my situation became a gaping black hole of doom. Nothing was going right. I was getting the worst grades I'd ever seen in my life- Es and Us. My anxiety levels spiked and I got more and more depressed because my situation felt hopeless. I began seeing medicine as this giant impossible to climb mountain. I couldn't ever get there, but I still kept working, with some motivation, but I couldn't I felt so lost and dead inside. My AS results came. I got a D and two Es. I didn't cry, I just stared numbly at the screen.

    Year 13 has just gotten worse. Whilst my other friends have applied and gotten places at uni, I'm taking a gap year. And I'm starting to think that gap year is going to become a 2-3 year gap year. I got another E just a week back.

    My parents really tried to motivate me to work and did everything they could to make me happy, but now they've lost hope because they're at a loss on what to do.

    I'm just insanely stressed, depressed and full to the brim with anxiety. I see nothing but darkness in my coming future. I really want to get into medicine, I don't see any point in even doing anything with my life if I don't become a doctor, I didn't study for 13 years to become a stay-at-home NEET. I don't want to do petty jobs, I can't do anything else.

    It seems ridiculous, why don't I do something else, but you don't understand. I simply can't. I can't let myself do anything else.

    I feel so lonely and distressed in my situation, I honestly feel like I'm going to become a nothing. My grades this half term were D, E, C.

    I haven't improved in the slightest, I feel so overwhelmed. I feel I've wasted my parents' money. I feel like I'm a waste of space. All my friends are going somewhere and are getting great grades. What happened to me, I don't recognise myself anymore. What happened to my 90% scores in Year 10.

    I just wanted to achieve a life-long dream... why did I fall down the gutter.

    I broke. When I was reaching my peak, something within me died. I stare at my revision and books, something I once did so easily, now they're like a monstrous task. Nothing seems to be going right anymore.

    I have literally 1.5 months till my mock exams, where the entire two year course will be tested on.

    My conquest on medicine feels so far away now. I'm just in a dark room blindly looking around for my goal. I have no idea what I'm doing anymore.
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    You’ve talked yourself into a mess here and I’m not saying that as way to make you feel bad - I do it, everyone does.
    First of all - it is not the be all and end All as to what grades you get. If you’re set on doing medicine as you are then you need to justify your grades being a bit all over the place and understand that you need to settle for a bit less at this point. A lot of universities do medicine, open your eyes to opportunities in polytechnics, or even more specific career paths like biomedical science etc.
    Your grades can be improved - rarely does a person do worse in their second year than first year - possibly seek out a tutor or talk to a sibling/friend who’s been there and can give you some advice. Look at past exam papers and marking criteria, familiarise yourself with areas that appear to be attracting the worst marks. Don’t be afraid to talk to teachers at college and ask for their advice - they’ve been there so they know what I can be like!
    I’m in my final year at university and it doesn’t get any easier, it’s a slog, it’s difficult and it’s scary. If your mental health is already a factor affecting you now you need to seriously rethink a future in harder and more punishing education, especially away from home!
    A gap year is probably your best approach, but be open to the idea that University may not always be the best route for some people, it may make you worse down the line and nothing in life is worth more than your mental wellbeing - at the end of the day it’s all we really have!
    Be kind to yourself ☺️
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    @Lily048 is right. your well-being is everything. If it's not being taken care of then you'll stay in the same place both mentally and physically, emotionally too if you let it, for the lonest time, and before you know it, its too late.

    although there's so much time lacking to do 2 years worth of work in a short amount of time and A level grades are passports to universities across the globe,
    you can still achieve what you want. It will take time and effort but you've got to start somewhere, and soon enough as well, before the people who once believed in you lose all hope, including yourself. AS there's still a figment of it if you look closely.

    Finding what made you like medicine so much and what pushed you to gain so much passion throughout your childhood could help. or if it helps, rethink your choices by writing down on a piece of paper with bold letters, replace them with your one goal: whether it be proving people wrong or saving people's lives, and set yourself to it. You could go somewhere a bit far from home and all the negativity and go join an apprenticeship or smthn to find your love for medicine again. as long as you find something to motivate you without depending on others to motivate you, can prove the school and your parents wrong. you could retake a levels and do them linear again, and wasting two more years is better than struggling for the rest of your life because of a few bad grades.

    therefore, take your time, find your "place" or what will motivate you a few months from now and focus in yourself, but all that after you approach whats causing you to be depressed as i was in the same place during my gcse period and now im making up for it this year in AS.

    and in the case of unis, some unis do consider these extenuating circumstances and would be impressed if you came back with better grades to show them that you're no different then any other aspiring to be a doctor but life just had it rough with you n das all.
    find your own feet and walk the path to your own success.
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    You feel the exact same way I do. I love biochemistry like you love medicine but last year I failed because of the anxiety and all the feelings you described. I wish I hadn't quit my job as I feel I have cut myself off to humanity as I'm studying to retake from home. I don't feel like I can do it at all and I was so passionate in AS, it makes me so angry at myself. In terms of advice the first thing you need to do is tell your doctor and get free counselling as soon as possible. Just know you're not alone as I feel so trapped right now.
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    Get a grip kid. I got an F in GCSE Science and I'm gunning for medicine.
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    (Original post by rickyrossman)
    Get a grip kid. I got an F in GCSE Science and I'm gunning for medicine.
    Good luck mate, dont let your dreams be dreams!
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Ever since I was a little kid, I had the aspiration of becoming a doctor. It was the only thing I wanted to do.

    That continued for years and it showed up in my life a lot- I liked Science more than any subject, I found dissections fascinating, operations were cool, I'd always have lengthy discussions with people in the field. It was fun- and I wanted to make that dream a reality. I worked hard in class and always got top results.

    Then, in Year 9, I began experiencing what I now know as depression. It wasn't that severe, and it didn't really seem like anything. It got worse with each passing year. By Year 11, I was getting lower results than usual, I was crying in school and feeling more and more miserable. Come GCSE results day, I didn't get my straight A predictions. I got a bunch of Bs, Cs and only a few As. I had never cried that much in my life.

    My parents were shocked by my results. They began getting worried for me, they were scared I'd have a future where I wouldn't be happy.

    Year 12, in A-Levels, my situation became a gaping black hole of doom. Nothing was going right. I was getting the worst grades I'd ever seen in my life- Es and Us. My anxiety levels spiked and I got more and more depressed because my situation felt hopeless. I began seeing medicine as this giant impossible to climb mountain. I couldn't ever get there, but I still kept working, with some motivation, but I couldn't I felt so lost and dead inside. My AS results came. I got a D and two Es. I didn't cry, I just stared numbly at the screen.

    Year 13 has just gotten worse. Whilst my other friends have applied and gotten places at uni, I'm taking a gap year. And I'm starting to think that gap year is going to become a 2-3 year gap year. I got another E just a week back.

    My parents really tried to motivate me to work and did everything they could to make me happy, but now they've lost hope because they're at a loss on what to do.

    I'm just insanely stressed, depressed and full to the brim with anxiety. I see nothing but darkness in my coming future. I really want to get into medicine, I don't see any point in even doing anything with my life if I don't become a doctor, I didn't study for 13 years to become a stay-at-home NEET. I don't want to do petty jobs, I can't do anything else.

    It seems ridiculous, why don't I do something else, but you don't understand. I simply can't. I can't let myself do anything else.

    I feel so lonely and distressed in my situation, I honestly feel like I'm going to become a nothing. My grades this half term were D, E, C.

    I haven't improved in the slightest, I feel so overwhelmed. I feel I've wasted my parents' money. I feel like I'm a waste of space. All my friends are going somewhere and are getting great grades. What happened to me, I don't recognise myself anymore. What happened to my 90% scores in Year 10.

    I just wanted to achieve a life-long dream... why did I fall down the gutter.

    I broke. When I was reaching my peak, something within me died. I stare at my revision and books, something I once did so easily, now they're like a monstrous task. Nothing seems to be going right anymore.

    I have literally 1.5 months till my mock exams, where the entire two year course will be tested on.

    My conquest on medicine feels so far away now. I'm just in a dark room blindly looking around for my goal. I have no idea what I'm doing anymore.
    At least you passed GCSEs, I got mostly Us and no C or above because of anxiety and depression, I want to work with animals but with only functional skills entry level 3 English and maths I have no hope of getting any job, I'm 18 so it's too late for me, you have a future
    • #3
    #3

    Yo, getting a grade in A level is good!! We all know how hard it is, and how stressful it is because we have so much to do, and homework, revise the content we learn this year and the year 12 content as well as 'have a social life'. My best advice would be to sleep now, and start tomorrow. I mean don't follow that everyday. Start tomorrow. It's never too late to change. It takes 66 days to form a habit and you have about 90 days ish until your a levels exam. Don't stress about the future. Tackle life day by day.
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    (Original post by Archon9)
    Good luck mate, dont let your dreams be dreams!
    They won't be. I did rubbish at gcses but I got ok A-Levels A*ABB. Gonna do a set of three new A-Levels, hoping for A*A*A*
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    At least you passed GCSEs, I got mostly Us and no C or above because of anxiety and depression, I want to work with animals but with only functional skills entry level 3 English and maths I have no hope of getting any job, I'm 18 so it's too late for me, you have a future
    You're 18... Not 60. Your life is only beginning kid. Aslong as you don't have any long-term commitments like mortgages. wives or children you can do whatever the f-u-c-k you wanna do.
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by rickyrossman)
    You're 18... Not 60. Your life is only beginning kid. Aslong as you don't have any long-term commitments like mortgages. wives or children you can do whatever the f-u-c-k you wanna do.
    How? Without the basic level of qualification I'm not exactly going to have a good life
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    How? Without the basic level of qualification I'm not exactly going to have a good life
    Resit the exams? Get a textbook and register for exams as a private candidate.
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by rickyrossman)
    Resit the exams? Get a textbook and register for exams as a private candidate.
    Do you really believe I can achieve anything?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Do you really believe I can achieve anything?
    Absolutely brother.
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    depression is a debilitating illness. you need to make your goal healing yourself rather than healing other people.
 
 
 
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