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    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Hello,
    My sister is 22 dating a 33 year old man. I know that it isn’t too bad looking at it like that but my mum hates him when she hasn’t met him. He has a kid too but personally I’m not too fussed as she’s happy but I’m a 18 year old man so maybe I don’t have enough experience on life to know if it’s fine.
    Oh yeah mum also found out he had a tattoo and got mad at that. I was just wondering what you guys think?
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    They're both consenting adults, as far as their relationship didn't stem into the time when she was a minor I wouldn't worry much about it
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hello,
    My sister is 22 dating a 33 year old man. I know that it isn’t too bad looking at it like that but my mum hates him when she hasn’t met him. He has a kid too but personally I’m not too fussed as she’s happy but I’m a 18 year old man so maybe I don’t have enough experience on life to know if it’s fine.
    Oh yeah mum also found out he had a tattoo and got mad at that. I was just wondering what you guys think?
    She is old enough to make her own choices/mistakes. Let her date him if she loves him. Your mum is probably just being protective to stop her getting hurt .
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    Honestly seems fine to me. They are both old enough to make their own decisions tbh and I've seen far greater age gaps between people who are completely fine sooooo yeah
    • Very Important Poster
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    Very Important Poster
    It's their relationship. As long as they're both happy, that's all that matters.
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    Your mum needs to chill and realise her daughter's happiness needs to come first in this situation. Your sister gets to choose who she dates, not your mum.
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    Your mum needs to stop being so over-protective.
    • TSR Support Team
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    TSR Support Team
    They are both old enough and responsible enough to make their own choices.

    22 and 33 is fine in my opinion.
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    most girls are as mature we 22 as guys are we 33...

    so really fine lol.
    • Community Assistant
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    Community Assistant
    They're consenting adults and it's fine. My dad hates my boyfriend and all he knows about him is he's my boyfriend. It isn't stopping me.
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    • #2
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    why would she want to date someone who has a kid? talk about settling. he'll be making her babysit for him in no time
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    You're mum's instincts are probably right. This 33 man will probably never give your sister the full happiness that she deserves.

    There will be some other 33 year old that would.

    Have you met the guy? If so what do you think of him?
    • #1
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    #1

    (Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
    You're mum's instincts are probably right. This 33 man will probably never give your sister the full happiness that she deserves.

    There will be some other 33 year old that would.

    Have you met the guy? If so what do you think of him?
    Hello, nope she hasn’t let any of us meet him yet but I’ve seen pictures and he seems like a decent guy.
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    • #3
    #3

    I don't know all the details but from my own experiences I would say your "sister" has to figure this out on her own. I completely understand your mum's concern in fact I remember when I was 18 and I dated a guys would was 30, no one absolutely no one could have stop me from seeing him. Ultimately it didn't workout and everyone was right. Your sister and her boyfriend have a 11 year age gap and to make matters worst he has a child (I assuming that your sister has realise this herself) but your mum needs to let her figure out this one on her own. After my own parents got a divorced my dated started dating someone who is 6 years older than me (basically a man in his 50s dating a 20 something year old) but it's their life and choice I can't do anything about it.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    my mum hates him when she hasn’t met him.
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Oh yeah mum also found out he had a tattoo and got mad at that.
    Your mum needs to stop judging him based on what she hears about him, and start judging him based on what she actually gets to personally know of him (face to face). She is being awfully judgemental about someone she doesn't even know.
    Having a tattoo, being older..These things don't make someone an inherently bad catch!

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    He has a kid too
    The kid is by far most serious as a point of concern. Relationships that come with kids can work, but there are many serious & important things that your sister needs to consider and be honest/realistic with herself about before she takes things much further. For example, getting serious with him will mean having his ex's child in her life, and with that child will come the mother of the child (the ex-girlfriend/wife/fling/however it all started), who as a consequence, will also inevitably become a feature in your sisters life too When children are concerned, an ex is never truly consigned to the past!
    This will be a permanent situation (and is it one that she is really comfortable facing the prospect of?).
    It's not for everyone.

    Whenever a child is involved, people have to be very mindful about serious they are being (and intend on getting) in a relationship. As an adult herself, your sister needs to take a responsible attitude towards this relationship because of the child that exists in it.

    If the guy has managed to persuade her that she will never have to worry about these sorts of matters because she will never have anything much to do with his child & ex, then I would be very dubious of him as a man (for a guy who shuns his child to develop a relationship with a new woman, is an immoral man).

    (So the questions that you all need to be asking right now should be about what exactly the story and status quo about this child is)

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    but personally I’m not too fussed as she’s happy but I’m a 18 year old man so maybe I don’t have enough experience on life to know if it’s fine. I was just wondering what you guys think?
    Its ultimately her life.

    1. At age 22, she is more than old enough to be left to make her own decisions (and for better or worse, people need to let her live her own life).

    2. If your mother tries to control your sisters love life, the only thing she is likely to succeed in doing, is driving a big wedge between herself and her daughter.

    3. The more criticism a couple receives for being together, the more it can push them together (rather than apart!) as the couple determine to prove everyone around them (all the haters etc) wrong.

    4. If your mother pushes her stance too hard, it will also make your sister considerably less likely to consult her for advice if things do go wrong (because she will feel alienated by your mother and will struggle in her time of need to face up to your mother going "I told you so").


    This doesn't mean that you have to agree with everything that your sister does (and these days a great deal of relationships don't work out regardless of age gaps). But if you do end up disagreeing with what she is doing, be mindful not to push your stance so hard, that when your sister needs advice or support the most, you have both grown too distant to be there for her.
    • #4
    #4

    I dated a 31 year old at 21. There’s lots of reasons it didn’t work in terms of life stages and that and I now have a 5 year max rule, but there’s lots of people who it does work well for and they’re both consenting adults. As much as your mum probably cares it’s not really any of her business.
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    (Original post by DrawTheLine)
    They're consenting adults and it's fine. My dad hates my boyfriend and all he knows about him is he's my boyfriend. It isn't stopping me.
    i bet you drew the line on dads unjust behaviour
 
 
 
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