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    This is going to be a long paragraph but I need to explain my situation, I'm turning to TSR for help because I feel like some people would be able to relate to my issues.

    So, I'm currently 15 and I'm in year 10. I left school before entering year 9 because I started to have panic attacks in lessons. Before this all happened I was relatively confident and would be fine with socialising, after this one situation where I broke down in an English lesson everything just went downhill. I was constantly trying to make myself sick to avoid school, my attendance dropped, I couldn't speak to unfamiliar people anymore, I had panic attacks in lessons and everything just got too much to handle. I've always being academic, my grades were fine and I was top in a lot of things but they were suffering now which caused me a lot of stress because I'd never seen myself fail before. I went to CAHMs but they couldn't help and I continuously asked school for support but never got it. I don't think they understood how bad I was actually suffering. So, in the summer holidays before year 9 I was taken out of school and did a year with Oxford Open Learning. It was a big jump from being babyfed information to literally have to read a big folder and try to understand different concepts. Now I'm in year 10 I've enrolled into an online school. The work is much easier to understand and my grades have picked up again so I'm not worried about academics, however my mental health is declining.

    I like doing things online, especially with social anxiety, I don't have panic attacks anymore and I'm not missing out on things that are important to remember but I'm still so unhappy. It's like no matter what I do I can't be fully happy anymore. Time just feels so slow and all I do is study. I'm going to a physical sixth form next year which I'm looking forward to but it's so far away time wise. I can't let go of the past and it's so tiring, all I can think about is 'If my school helped me my life would be so much better now' but they didn't! It's frustrating! I can't let it go even though it's out of my control! I can't even go back into a school because I'm halfway through iGCSEs now and all the schools in my area are terrible. I just don't know what to do. I just have to deal with my situation now and keep fighting through until GCSEs are over but it's taking so long! Days feel like years. I think one of the worst parts is that I know that in the long term I'll be happy I did this online schooling but right now it's hard. I'm doing fine but I'm having a hard time excepting myself. I can't except that I was once such a happy person with lots of friends, high grades, confidence etc but now it's all gone? I keep telling myself that this isn't forever, next year it will get better and I can go back to being how I was but it wont come soon enough.

    Before any one says speak to friends, I do... I talk to my old school friends about my struggles but they don't seem to understand. I confide in them but somehow it always turns into them talking about themselves and their issues when all I need at that time is just someone to talk to about myself for once. I don't think they'll understand the state of loneliness I'm in...

    I don't even know what I expect people to say to me on here. I just need support or reassurance or someone who feels the same way to talk to... Or maybe a time machine to teleport me into the future so I can get rid of all this **** lol.
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    Are you unhappy because of your anxiety? It's a possibility.
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    (Original post by shawn_o1)
    Are you unhappy because of your anxiety? It's a possibility.
    Maybe? When it started getting bad and I got diagnosed everything got bad... I'm unhappy because I just have to deal with what I'm doing despite hating it so much, it's going very slow and it feels like forever.
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    (Original post by Duhmolly)
    Maybe? When it started getting bad and I got diagnosed everything got bad... I'm unhappy because I just have to deal with what I'm doing despite hating it so much, it's going very slow and it feels like forever.
    Don't let the diagnosis define you. Diagnosis only qualifies you for some treatments or special exam conditions; once you start adult life you'll find that many dismiss it entirely. The best way to not be affected by anxiety is to face it head on, since there's only so much that you can enjoy in front of a screen. Even going out for a walk will help you a lot.
 
 
 
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