How to get this Inspector calls essay to a grade 9?

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Louisexchandler
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Hey there
I am currently studying AQA English literature and I have written an essay on How Sybil Birling is presented in an inspector calls. Any feedback would be gratefully received!
THANK YOU



Sybil Birlings supercilious and austere nature derive from feelings of elitism and her character is central to an understanding to the play. She symbolises everything that is wrong with the Edwardian aristocracy : their chaotic and reckless struggle for profit, their lack of obligation to their community and their callousness.

Priestley begins by describing Mrs Birling as contemptuous and aloof through the use of structure and form. It is evident through the use of stage directions when she is described as a “cold woman’ and “her husbands social superior”. The use of the adjective “cold” although perhaps, highlights the emotional distance and detachment of Mrs Birling from the harsh reality of society – particularly the plight of the working class. The fact that this is the first attribute described in the exposition conveys the significance of her phosphorous nature and the way she uses it to exploit the lower classes, just like many of the Edwardian elite in 1912. The fact that Mrs Birling is “her husbands social superior” conveys how although likely Mr Birling and Mrs Birling are likely on a similar level wealth wise, the fact that she comes from a historically upper class family and My Birling made his own wealth through business makes her his social superior.
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YouAreAYute
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omfg i dont know half these words and im predicted a 9 lmao help
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mariax__x
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i think that's way too less to write, if u want to get a grade 9. you need to write more about methods and subject terminology x
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moriyanu
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waffling, uses simple vocab
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lalaland808
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(Original post by Louisexchandler)
Hey there
I am currently studying AQA English literature and I have written an essay on How Sybil Birling is presented in an inspector calls. Any feedback would be gratefully received!
THANK YOU



Sybil Birlings supercilious and austere nature derive from feelings of elitism and her character is central to an understanding to the play. She symbolises everything that is wrong with the Edwardian aristocracy : their chaotic and reckless struggle for profit, their lack of obligation to their community and their callousness.

Priestley begins by describing Mrs Birling as contemptuous and aloof through the use of structure and form. It is evident through the use of stage directions when she is described as a “cold woman’ and “her husbands social superior”. The use of the adjective “cold” although perhaps, highlights the emotional distance and detachment of Mrs Birling from the harsh reality of society – particularly the plight of the working class. The fact that this is the first attribute described in the exposition conveys the significance of her phosphorous nature and the way she uses it to exploit the lower classes, just like many of the Edwardian elite in 1912. The fact that Mrs Birling is “her husbands social superior” conveys how although likely Mr Birling and Mrs Birling are likely on a similar level wealth wise, the fact that she comes from a historically upper class family and My Birling made his own wealth through business makes her his social superior.
I think it is a good start but you should also mention her relationship with her children which shows that she does not understand them.
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yudothis
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That's two sentences and a short paragraph. Surely that's not even a 6...
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Fortitude2001
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If you are supporting each quotation with an explanation your covered, there is far too much pressure to get grades like that. The simple thing to do is follow AO criteria and make sure you are hitting all them. It's AO marks that the examiner are gonna look for.
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m-k1
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My instant thought? (Got a 9 and did Inspector Calls)

Chill with the vocabulary (for now at least) Yes it sounds sophisticated but it definitely won’t get you a 9 alone. Focus on meeting all the criteria, mainly good, perceptive analysis, writers intentions, effect on audience, and CONTEXT (it may only be a few marks but also contributes a lot to AO1)
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m-k1
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Also, what grade are you working at? Because to me that is far better than my writing and I managed a 9
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adamantacademic
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(Original post by Louisexchandler)
Hey there
I am currently studying AQA English literature and I have written an essay on How Sybil Birling is presented in an inspector calls. Any feedback would be gratefully received!
THANK YOU



Sybil Birlings supercilious and austere nature derive from feelings of elitism and her character is central to an understanding to the play. She symbolises everything that is wrong with the Edwardian aristocracy : their chaotic and reckless struggle for profit, their lack of obligation to their community and their callousness.

Priestley begins by describing Mrs Birling as contemptuous and aloof through the use of structure and form. It is evident through the use of stage directions when she is described as a “cold woman’ and “her husbands social superior”. The use of the adjective “cold” although perhaps, highlights the emotional distance and detachment of Mrs Birling from the harsh reality of society – particularly the plight of the working class. The fact that this is the first attribute described in the exposition conveys the significance of her phosphorous nature and the way she uses it to exploit the lower classes, just like many of the Edwardian elite in 1912. The fact that Mrs Birling is “her husbands social superior” conveys how although likely Mr Birling and Mrs Birling are likely on a similar level wealth wise, the fact that she comes from a historically upper class family and My Birling made his own wealth through business makes her his social superior.
You seem to have several critics already commenting on your piece, I'll just advise you on one element: forming a 'coherent' introduction.

What's good about your intro: it's exploratory and considers contextual factors.

How it needs to be improved: The intro must focus the essay, I'd recommend settling for either the 'supercilious' or the 'austere' nature of the aristocrats. Moreover, you need integrated quotes to resemble a high-level thesis statement, these must be memorable/relevant. Lastly, I'd advise you to write with clarity and avoid overcomplicating, the intro by itself will get you no marks, however it's about being wise: If you can cheekily relate the intro to context (something you've done), with textual references within a concise opening, the examiner will have a good impression of you and you may be able to pick up some marks.
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sportyegg
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1) the vocab is borderline pretentious
2) haven’t written nearly enough for even an A
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Fortitude2001
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(Original post by adamantacademic)
You seem to have several critics already commenting on your piece, I'll just advise you on one element: forming a 'coherent' introduction.

What's good about your intro: it's exploratory and considers contextual factors.

How it needs to be improved: The intro must focus the essay, I'd recommend settling for either the 'supercilious' or the 'austere' nature of the aristocrats. Moreover, you need integrated quotes to resemble a high-level thesis statement, these must be memorable/relevant. Lastly, I'd advise you to write with clarity and avoid overcomplicating, the intro by itself will get you no marks, however it's about being wise: If you can cheekily relate the intro to context (something you've done), with textual references within a concise opening, the examiner will have a good impression of you and you may be able to pick up some marks.
Introductions waste time in any controlled written assessment or GCSE task. The examiner will not have time they will simply look forward for quotes and see if you have detailed explanation. PEEl or PEE paragraphs work best. You Either make a POINT , give EVIDENCE using quotes, and then EXPLAIN following an AO criteria sheet. Or you can use peel paragraph s where you will make a point ,give evidence which are the quotes, explain the quote, and finally link it back to the context of the question.
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adamantacademic
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(Original post by Fortitude2001)
Introductions waste time in any controlled written assessment or GCSE task. The examiner will not have time they will simply look forward for quotes and see if you have detailed explanation. PEEl or PEE paragraphs work best. You Either make a POINT , give EVIDENCE using quotes, and then EXPLAIN following an AO criteria sheet. Or you can use peel paragraph s where you will make a point ,give evidence which are the quotes, explain the quote, and finally link it back to the context of the question.
So all the Grade 9 exemplar works that we have, that feature a concise intro, displaying knowledge of the text and themes are just futile. There's no coincidence, these openings must've been worth a few marks - it'd be foolish to skip an introduction!
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Louisexchandler
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What's good about your intro: it's exploratory and considers contextual factors.

How it needs to be improved: The intro must focus the essay, I'd recommend settling for either the 'supercilious' or the 'austere' nature of the aristocrats. Moreover, you need integrated quotes to resemble a high-level thesis statement, these must be memorable/relevant. Lastly, I'd advise you to write with clarity and avoid overcomplicating, the intro by itself will get you no marks, however it's about being wise: If you can cheekily relate the intro to context (something you've done), with textual references within a concise opening, the examiner will have a good impression of you and you may be able to pick up some marks.[/QUOTE]

Thank you for all your help. I am currently struggling to find a thesis statement. Do you think you could give me an example of this?
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b7621b
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nice thesaurus
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