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A question for everyone: Open relationships watch

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    I want to know what you guys think of an open relationship, do you think it's good or bad? Do you think it makes relationships stronger or weaker?

    I want to get some opinions on this
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    aka public cuckolding
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    #1

    Also known as public cuckolding
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    Bad lol. Why would you want your partner doing it with someone else lol? Where’s the loyalty? May as well not be together then
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    Post-coital oxytocin makes them somewhat dangerous.
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    No one is really in a position to call it bad outright - I mean who are we to say what two people decide is best for them.

    As for whether polyamory makes a relationship stronger, that depends on the people. I know for myself that I couldn't fully embrace an open relationship because there would always be that part that wanted the other for myself and loved in a certain way. You could call it romantic but equally you could call it jealous and possessive. But I know if I loved someone I couldn't get round it.

    I think either way open relationships are going to become more and more the norm as monogamy makes less and less sense and the genders approach equality.
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    cuck
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    (Original post by rickyrossman)
    cuck
    Haha knew it was coming, just didn't expect it so soon. Without cucking you'd have never been born Rick so take heart.
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    (Original post by shkennedy)
    Haha knew it was coming, just didn't expect it so soon. Without cucking you'd have never been born Rick so take heart.
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    I wouldn’t couldn’t deal with it because it’s make me feel like **** but if you’re genuinely happy with your partner doing that then go for it . But it’s a definite no from moi x
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    My friend is in an open relationship and despite the hurt, they’re still going strong. It’s not something I could do though tbh.
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    • #2
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    (Original post by alicesmiloves)
    do you think it's good or bad?
    It's not really something you can judge by "Good" or "bad". If it's right for the individuals concerned, then its right for them.

    (Original post by alicesmiloves)
    Do you think it makes relationships stronger or weaker
    Well it certainly makes the relationship the individual is in a hell of a lot more disposable (why threat over a potential relationship breakup when you've already got a bunch of other people lined up? Etc) so I can't see how it would make a relationship stronger.

    Confession:TBH, I've yet to see any truly convincing polyamorous relationships firsthand yet.

    I've a number of friends over the years who are or have been in open relationships, and most (if not all) polyamorous people I have known so far, seem to have gone down the polyamory route only after experiencing a severely traumatic relationship breakup, or who have commitment issues/life direction issues as a person in general (etc). So I can't but help feel, that people make such relationship arrangements out of personal insecurities (such as trying to protect the heart from heartbreak & losing everything, or trying to enjoy all the perks of a relationship without getting too heavily invested in terms of emotions & responsibilities, etc). And although such people have often said to me that this is who they are now, to some extent I still see a bunch of people who although a lot happier (at least outwardly), don't seem to be particularly satisfied/wholly content either (like they're still searching for answers, or still trying to make their arrangement properly work for them etc).

    At one point, I had one friend who went to some effort to convince me that he was now polyamorous (that he had finally discovered his relationship calling in life!) and he elaborated a lot about how agreeable the whole lifestyle was (it's philosophies, its convenience etc- everything was just so agreeable!).
    And he really got into it!
    Multiple girlfriends, regular **** parties, constant dates etc, he pretty much built up a whole social life around his newfound scene!
    I was always kind of dubious of it all, but I thought to myself [i]"Hey ho, whatever makes you happy"[i] (and so I supported him as a friend). However on one particular night out (a good year after he had really gotten into the polyamorous life), it was very late at night and we were all very drunk and when we had a moment alone, he said to me "I hate to say it, but I'm really jealous of you" and I replied "Who, me? Why would you be jealous of me?" and he replied "I'm jealous of what you have. U'know, your relationship with your husband- of what you have together".

    I've been with my partner for a very long time and we have always been a really happy couple (genuinely enjoying each others company, loving each other so much, despite the number of years together, our chemistry is still very strong!). And over the years, I've experienced a fair share of people try to move in on our happiness (some people seem to naively think that if they steal you or your partner away for their self, then they'll experience a relationship just like the one they have seen you have together!), or who I've been generally aware envied our relationship/lot in life a lot (etc). So when he told how jealous he was, I knew exactly what he was referring to.

    The thing is, no matter how cool (so liberal & liberated etc) he acts around his no.1 girlfriend, I'm very certain that if she ever committed to him 100%, he would love having her all to himself (I mean, why wouldn't he? Why would you only want a limited amount of the person you love dearest when they were offering all of themself to you?). But she doesn't want to ever commit to anybody (and he would never try to force that on her). I also don't think he ever wants to go back to searching for monogamous relationships either (I've gotten the impression that he seems to view them as being too full of risks/dangers). So I guess he is just stuck with the current status quo (miles happier than he was before, but still clearly not in an optimal/ideal situation either).

    I also wonder if he has (somewhat ironically I guess) entrapped himself in the whole polyamorous lifestyle thing. because when he got together with his no.1 girlfriend (his first polyamorous partner and the one who basically introduced him to the polyamory deal), soon after he moved to where she lived and he built up a whole social life around her and thd scene (resulting in a social and love life which was heavily interlinked/interwoven with polyamoury). The problem being with this of course, is that if he ever decided in the end that polyamoroury was not for him, he would not only be giving up all the potential sexual relationships that came with it, but he would potentially be excluding himself from a whole social circle too (which he had sought hard to reinvent himself and rebuild his life in). He does strike me as being scared of heartbreak (of risking going back to rock bottom etc), so he really does seem to have thrown his lot into this whole scene now by labeling himself polyamorous.

    Another aspect about him that concerns me, is that over the years I became increasingly aware that far from being a strong-minded and rebellious individual, he very much needed other people's approval/acceptance/validation for him to feel like he could be himself. And this was an issue because what he wanted to do were things that very rebellious/alternative (breaking the traditional gender stereotype idea's etc) and so he had a particularly strong need to find like-minded individuals. But while I tried to encourage him to be himself around my partner & I, a major reason why he moved away with his polyamorous girlfriend in the end is that he simply felt that in his current location, he didn't have enough accepting people around him who could help foster his true identity (one, two or even three people were simply not enough- he needed a lot more than that!). He had all these friendships, but after so many years of being a certain way, he seemed unwilling to test his broader friendships by being truly himself (instead after a while, he choose to move away and pretty much start all over from scratch again).
    All this made him very vulnerable to peer pressures (I noticed that whatever group of people or relationship he found himself in, he would always end up being heavily affected in all sorts of ways by that group). So I also wonder to what extent the whole self-proclaimed polyamorous label, has been down to a strong desire on his part to simply find belonging among other people.

    So this is just one story of one anonymous person I've known among many to indulge in more sexually liberated lifestyles. Personally, I really hope that he does find what he is looking for (that very special connection and ideal relationship with that one special person) in his current lifestyle, because if it made him happy, then that would be great for him (and as a friend, of course I want him to be happy). But at the moment I'm still unconvinced that a polyamorous environment is an environment that is good for ever finding such relationship satisfaction etc (for even if you do find someone you have a great connection with, you will never enjoy them all to yourself).

    Personally I am 100% committed to my partner for life. But if I were a single person (never having met the love of my life etc), while having fun, I'd potentially entertain all kinds of possibilities when it came to dating. But polyamoury? To me, it sounds a little like communism (in that while its something that sounds great in theory, in practice? Not so much!).
    Polyamoury also sounds a lot to me like someone going "Here, this is the most delicious variety of cake in the world; you can have a little of or a lot of it, but you'll always have to share it with other people! And if you want it all to yourself? Then that's just selfish! Now being ****ing content with your slices (Oh? Those few couples over there? Yeah they've got whole cakes to themselves, but they either get whole cakes or nothing (and remember you didn't want to risk that)!)".


    For me personally, whether its selfishness or simply being realistic/honest about the way I feel, when it comes to serious relationships, a committed monogamous relationship would be the only way forward for me (and luckily for me, I've found someone who totally requites all my most important feelings).
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It's not really something you can judge by "Good" or "bad". If it's right for the individuals concerned, then its right for them.



    Well it certainly makes the relationship the individual is in a hell of a lot more disposable (why threat over a potential relationship breakup when you've already got a bunch of other people lined up? Etc) so I can't see how it would make a relationship stronger.

    Confession:TBH, I've yet to see any truly convincing polyamorous relationships firsthand yet.

    I've a number of friends over the years who are or have been in open relationships, and most (if not all) polyamorous people I have known so far, seem to have gone down the polyamory route only after experiencing a severely traumatic relationship breakup, or who have commitment issues/life direction issues as a person in general (etc). So I can't but help feel, that people make such relationship arrangements out of personal insecurities (such as trying to protect the heart from heartbreak & losing everything, or trying to enjoy all the perks of a relationship without getting too heavily invested in terms of emotions & responsibilities, etc). And although such people have often said to me that this is who they are now, to some extent I still see a bunch of people who although a lot happier (at least outwardly), don't seem to be particularly satisfied/wholly content either (like they're still searching for answers, or still trying to make their arrangement properly work for them etc).

    At one point, I had one friend who went to some effort to convince me that he was now polyamorous (that he had finally discovered his relationship calling in life!) and he elaborated a lot about how agreeable the whole lifestyle was (it's philosophies, its convenience etc- everything was just so agreeable!).
    And he really got into it!
    Multiple girlfriends, regular **** parties, constant dates etc, he pretty much built up a whole social life around his newfound scene!
    I was always kind of dubious of it all, but I thought to myself [i]"Hey ho, whatever makes you happy"[i] (and so I supported him as a friend). However on one particular night out (a good year after he had really gotten into the polyamorous life), it was very late at night and we were all very drunk and when we had a moment alone, he said to me "I hate to say it, but I'm really jealous of you" and I replied "Who, me? Why would you be jealous of me?" and he replied "I'm jealous of what you have. U'know, your relationship with your husband- of what you have together".

    I've been with my partner for a very long time and we have always been a really happy couple (genuinely enjoying each others company, loving each other so much, despite the number of years together, our chemistry is still very strong!). And over the years, I've experienced a fair share of people try to move in on our happiness (some people seem to naively think that if they steal you or your partner away for their self, then they'll experience a relationship just like the one they have seen you have together!), or who I've been generally aware envied our relationship/lot in life a lot (etc). So when he told how jealous he was, I knew exactly what he was referring to.

    The thing is, no matter how cool (so liberal & liberated etc) he acts around his no.1 girlfriend, I'm very certain that if she ever committed to him 100%, he would love having her all to himself (I mean, why wouldn't he? Why would you only want a limited amount of the person you love dearest when they were offering all of themself to you?). But she doesn't want to ever commit to anybody (and he would never try to force that on her). I also don't think he ever wants to go back to searching for monogamous relationships either (I've gotten the impression that he seems to view them as being too full of risks/dangers). So I guess he is just stuck with the current status quo (miles happier than he was before, but still clearly not in an optimal/ideal situation either).

    I also wonder if he has (somewhat ironically I guess) entrapped himself in the whole polyamorous lifestyle thing. because when he got together with his no.1 girlfriend (his first polyamorous partner and the one who basically introduced him to the polyamory deal), soon after he moved to where she lived and he built up a whole social life around her and thd scene (resulting in a social and love life which was heavily interlinked/interwoven with polyamoury). The problem being with this of course, is that if he ever decided in the end that polyamoroury was not for him, he would not only be giving up all the potential sexual relationships that came with it, but he would potentially be excluding himself from a whole social circle too (which he had sought hard to reinvent himself and rebuild his life in). He does strike me as being scared of heartbreak (of risking going back to rock bottom etc), so he really does seem to have thrown his lot into this whole scene now by labeling himself polyamorous.

    Another aspect about him that concerns me, is that over the years I became increasingly aware that far from being a strong-minded and rebellious individual, he very much needed other people's approval/acceptance/validation for him to feel like he could be himself. And this was an issue because what he wanted to do were things that very rebellious/alternative (breaking the traditional gender stereotype idea's etc) and so he had a particularly strong need to find like-minded individuals. But while I tried to encourage him to be himself around my partner & I, a major reason why he moved away with his polyamorous girlfriend in the end is that he simply felt that in his current location, he didn't have enough accepting people around him who could help foster his true identity (one, two or even three people were simply not enough- he needed a lot more than that!). He had all these friendships, but after so many years of being a certain way, he seemed unwilling to test his broader friendships by being truly himself (instead after a while, he choose to move away and pretty much start all over from scratch again).
    All this made him very vulnerable to peer pressures (I noticed that whatever group of people or relationship he found himself in, he would always end up being heavily affected in all sorts of ways by that group). So I also wonder to what extent the whole self-proclaimed polyamorous label, has been down to a strong desire on his part to simply find belonging among other people.

    So this is just one story of one anonymous person I've known among many to indulge in more sexually liberated lifestyles. Personally, I really hope that he does find what he is looking for (that very special connection and ideal relationship with that one special person) in his current lifestyle, because if it made him happy, then that would be great for him (and as a friend, of course I want him to be happy). But at the moment I'm still unconvinced that a polyamorous environment is an environment that is good for ever finding such relationship satisfaction etc (for even if you do find someone you have a great connection with, you will never enjoy them all to yourself).

    Personally I am 100% committed to my partner for life. But if I were a single person (never having met the love of my life etc), while having fun, I'd potentially entertain all kinds of possibilities when it came to dating. But polyamoury? To me, it sounds a little like communism (in that while its something that sounds great in theory, in practice? Not so much!).
    Polyamoury also sounds a lot to me like someone going "Here, this is the most delicious variety of cake in the world; you can have a little of or a lot of it, but you'll always have to share it with other people! And if you want it all to yourself? Then that's just selfish! Now being ****ing content with your slices (Oh? Those few couples over there? Yeah they've got whole cakes to themselves, but they either get whole cakes or nothing (and remember you didn't want to risk that)!)".


    For me personally, whether its selfishness or simply being realistic/honest about the way I feel, when it comes to serious relationships, a committed monogamous relationship would be the only way forward for me (and luckily for me, I've found someone who totally requites all my most important feelings).
    **** me, anon. Are you trying to win a Pulitzer?
 
 
 
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