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Friends judging relationship timing watch

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    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I feel a bit old now to really let people’s opinions on my love life bother me, but sadly it does.

    Im 22 and in a relationship with a 26 year old, which is going absolutely great. I obviously discuss a lot with my best friend, but she’s quite opinionated on that you should wait quite a while dating before being in a relationship and so I haven’t told her I am which feels very odd. I think this is due to her recently going from one relationship straight into another (with a bit of crossover) and waiting 3 months to become official, where as I’ve been single for 2 years and him about 1.5 and it feels a very different situation. I really want to share this development with her being my best friend, but the negative comments worry me and come across as so judgemental. I’m not really sure what to do, as at the moment I’ll just keep avoiding the topic.

    To add the relationship isn’t what you’d call ‘Facebook official’ whilst we are together and committed we want to wait a while before telling the entire world, but have told friends.

    What would people say they felt an acceptable time to get into a relationship, but not necessarily be ‘Facebook official’ be? (Just out of interest) And should I just bite the bullet and tell her? And just deal with the comments. It really is making me quite sad that I’ve not shared this quite big development (especially after 2 years single!) with one of the closest people in my life.
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    • #2
    #2

    If she is honestly your best friend she shouldnt really be judging you likethat, but i do understand why youre worried to tell her, because it is a big step.
    i metmy now boyfriends in August, and we got into a relationship in september. 6 nearly 7 months on we are still together and are the happiest we have ever been in a relationship. i dont think its about time, and there is no set time people have to wait before becoming 'facebook official', its whatever and whenever you feel it is right, so as long as you feel right about it, then you should be happy and share this information with the people you care the most about
    hope this has helped x
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    You need to stop caring so much about getting other people's approval.

    Your friend is not all-knowing, and if she really cannot be happy for you (despite you clearly being happy in this relationship etc), then I would be dubious about what exactly her angle is (for despite the friendship, it may not be one of pure genuine concern for you).

    Who are you in a relationship with- this guy, or your friend?

    You have got to get your priorities right and stop fretting so much about having everything validated by other people. You have done nothing wrong (so it's ridiculous to be hiding this guy away like some sort of shameful secret).
    Unless you plan on marrying your friend one day or something lol, then you shouldnt be putting your love life on hold for her sake.
    • #3
    #3

    This is your life and your relationship, first of all. You don't need your friend's approval to be in a relationship either and I can understand that she is also a very important person in your life as well but that doesn't mean you need her approval. And there is not date or time frame of when you can be "Facebook official". Honestly I find that tacky because than it kind of becomes everyone's business when you announce it online. I've been in a relationship for over a year now and my bf and I have not made it FB official because people are nosy and the less they know the better. Enjoy your relationship because it is YOURS.
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    Its frankly none of her business and you shouldn’t care what she thinks. Are you really going to live your whole life according to her opinions?

    Sorry but for a 22 year old you seem quite immature.
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    • #4
    #4

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I feel a bit old now to really let people’s opinions on my love life bother me, but sadly it does.

    Im 22 and in a relationship with a 26 year old, which is going absolutely great. I obviously discuss a lot with my best friend, but she’s quite opinionated on that you should wait quite a while dating before being in a relationship and so I haven’t told her I am which feels very odd. I think this is due to her recently going from one relationship straight into another (with a bit of crossover) and waiting 3 months to become official, where as I’ve been single for 2 years and him about 1.5 and it feels a very different situation. I really want to share this development with her being my best friend, but the negative comments worry me and come across as so judgemental. I’m not really sure what to do, as at the moment I’ll just keep avoiding the topic.

    To add the relationship isn’t what you’d call ‘Facebook official’ whilst we are together and committed we want to wait a while before telling the entire world, but have told friends.

    What would people say they felt an acceptable time to get into a relationship, but not necessarily be ‘Facebook official’ be? (Just out of interest) And should I just bite the bullet and tell her? And just deal with the comments. It really is making me quite sad that I’ve not shared this quite big development (especially after 2 years single!) with one of the closest people in my life.
    If she wants to be judgemental then that's her own issue to deal with. She's in no position to be critical if she's been dating with an overlap. 1.5 months is a perfectly reasonable amount of time. Especially when you're older and know more about what you want.
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    You're 22, I'm sure you're capable of making your own decisions about your own relationship. If your best friend is really going to judge you for moving into an actual relationship sooner than she would, then that's her problem. She needs to realise that not all relationships are the same and just let you get on with it.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Thanks for the replies all. I’ve had a good think about it and decided I’m just going to tell her and live with any comments.
    I’ve not got any family (parents died in my teens) and in reality she is like my family now and has been through a lot with me, so we are very close more like sisters really, so I guess her opinions matter maybe more than a friends normally would and I question if it is due to concern as well (I have bipolar and haven’t had the most amazing year in this regard).
    She does know about him and how much I like him, just the relationship bit I’ve left out, I really hope she can accept it and if not she’ll just have to deal with it and I’ll have to deal with differing views.

    To add for anyone who judges how I feel about her views, you often can’t help how you feel, so you can accept it and ask random impartial strangers for advice to help think about it more and work through it or suppress it and do nothing. I like to think people would generally do the former (not necessarily with random impartial strangers lol) :-)

    OP
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