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    So, I started college in September, really enjoying it. Met a girl in the first week and by the end of the month after a few dates we officially entered a relationship with her. Everything is good, we have mutual interests, like the same things, she's extremely attractive and we have amazing sex. Now, there is this guy who is in a few of her classes, and hangs out with our group in-between lessons who was in my secondary school too. Now, he CAN be nice, but the truth is. He's seriously creepy, he was in school and he is in college. I know a girl (who was in the same year as us) who dated him for about a year, and according to her he manipulated her, made up pathetic little stories so she'd feel sorry for him, was very controlling and pressured her into touching him at various points throughout the relationship, and now has a restraining order against him.

    Now, I recently noticed him getting a bit too close for comfort with my girlfriend, like, way too close. If they're just friends and he has no intentions and neither does she, that's fine? I don't care about that, what psycho would? But I am very wary of this guy, given his history.

    Now, me and the girlfriend didn't see a lot of each other last week, as it was half-term, so on the sunday night before college I asked if she wanted to come back to mine after our lessons on monday, which is what we normally do on a monday, but she said "Sorry, I have plans". Which again, no problem! I ask what the plans were...she tells me she's going over to this guys house to work-out, which is plausible because she does want to get healthier, but I enquire further and I found out that the dude's family isn't home. She tells me I'm worrying too much, I tell her this guys history and she just waves it off, jokingly saying she'd kick him in the balls if he tried to attack/force her or anything, I reply that in the circumstance of him attacking her it's not that simple/you can't be dependant on a simple kick to the balls. She again waves it off.

    Fast forward to Wednesday (this is where I messed up), we're lying in my bed and she's fast asleep, I am still suspicious of what's been going on with this guy/if he's up to something. I (admittedly wrongly) went onto her phone and scrolled through the messages, it's fine for a bit, until I see a consistent spam over the period of a few days of "Meet me after lesson?" or "Hey! Where are you? I'll meet you after lesson!" "Where are you?"..okay, a little suspicious and worrying but I'll stay calm..

    I scroll up further, and I see him asking about me, like if we were good now since me and her had a small petty argument a few weeks back, so, she told him about that, which is a little upsetting as I value my privacy. I carry on. I keep scrolling until I find the point in the chat where they are arranging to go back to his to work out, now, I can't remember the exact chat before this but I read the words "What if I hold your arms above your head?" then "What if I chloroform you and leave you somewhere in the woods? xD". She starts to wake up, I quickly close the app and put the phone down and pick mine up, pretending like I was just on my phone. She is none the wiser.

    I am very suspicious, hurt, disappointed and scared, in all honesty.

    Please, any advice?
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    (Original post by notkeen2001)
    So, I started college in September, really enjoying it. Met a girl in the first week and by the end of the month after a few dates we officially entered a relationship with her. Everything is good, we have mutual interests, like the same things, she's extremely attractive and we have amazing sex. Now, there is this guy who is in a few of her classes, and hangs out with our group in-between lessons who was in my secondary school too. Now, he CAN be nice, but the truth is. He's seriously creepy, he was in school and he is in college. I know a girl (who was in the same year as us) who dated him for about a year, and according to her he manipulated her, made up pathetic little stories so she'd feel sorry for him, was very controlling and pressured her into touching him at various points throughout the relationship, and now has a restraining order against him.

    Now, I recently noticed him getting a bit too close for comfort with my girlfriend, like, way too close. If they're just friends and he has no intentions and neither does she, that's fine? I don't care about that, what psycho would? But I am very wary of this guy, given his history.

    Now, me and the girlfriend didn't see a lot of each other last week, as it was half-term, so on the sunday night before college I asked if she wanted to come back to mine after our lessons on monday, which is what we normally do on a monday, but she said "Sorry, I have plans". Which again, no problem! I ask what the plans were...she tells me she's going over to this guys house to work-out, which is plausible because she does want to get healthier, but I enquire further and I found out that the dude's family isn't home. She tells me I'm worrying too much, I tell her this guys history and she just waves it off, jokingly saying she'd kick him in the balls if he tried to attack/force her or anything, I reply that in the circumstance of him attacking her it's not that simple/you can't be dependant on a simple kick to the balls. She again waves it off.

    Fast forward to Wednesday (this is where I messed up), we're lying in my bed and she's fast asleep, I am still suspicious of what's been going on with this guy/if he's up to something. I (admittedly wrongly) went onto her phone and scrolled through the messages, it's fine for a bit, until I see a consistent spam over the period of a few days of "Meet me after lesson?" or "Hey! Where are you? I'll meet you after lesson!" "Where are you?"..okay, a little suspicious and worrying but I'll stay calm..

    I scroll up further, and I see him asking about me, like if we were good now since me and her had a small petty argument a few weeks back, so, she told him about that, which is a little upsetting as I value my privacy. I carry on. I keep scrolling until I find the point in the chat where they are arranging to go back to his to work out, now, I can't remember the exact chat before this but I read the words "What if I hold your arms above your head?" then "What if I chloroform you and leave you somewhere in the woods? xD". She starts to wake up, I quickly close the app and put the phone down and pick mine up, pretending like I was just on my phone. She is none the wiser.

    I am very suspicious, hurt, disappointed and scared, in all honesty.

    Please, any advice?


    Hey,

    I truly feel sorry that this is happening to you, and I will try to give advice to the best of my ability.

    What I think you should do is ask her to work out with you and see what she says. Say that you want to start afresh and get into the working out life. Moreover, ask if you can go and workout with her, or go with her to the other guys house to workout - if she says yes, then you know she isn't doing anything dodgy. If she is saying no, then you have every right to be suspicious...she is going to another mans house by herself to 'work out' with him...wtf? First of all, I wouldn't let my woman go to another mans house in the first place - take inniative bro.

    When a man spams the heck out of a females phone, the female will be disinterested - trust me, no one likes that crap. Imagine someone coming to your house and ringing your doorbell consistently. She's probably not even interested in him.

    Those text messages about cholorofom are truly disturbing - even if two people were in a relationship and one of the partners said that. She probably already knows that he is a damn creep.

    Again, ask if you can work out with her. Don't seem like you are jealous - slowly work into it. Perhaps go for a run one day, and then tell her about it. Then go for a run another day, or join the gym. Then ask her.

    Good luck my brother.
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    Thanks man, much appreciated! I'll keep this updated, my little diary I suppose.
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    (Original post by notkeen2001)
    Thanks man, much appreciated! I'll keep this updated, my little diary I suppose.
    I read this and now I’m fascinated. Thank you for keeping us updated. Apologies if that sounds nosey but cheating is terrible and your situation is truly one of concern just reading it but I could be wrong! Hope you come out the other side happy regardless of the outcome
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    (Original post by Lily048)
    I read this and now I’m fascinated. Thank you for keeping us updated. Apologies if that sounds nosey but cheating is terrible and your situation is truly one of concern just reading it but I could be wrong! Hope you come out the other side happy regardless of the outcome
    Thanks, Lily! Much appreciated.

    I still feel pretty bad for snooping on her chat with him though, however, I wouldn't of known what I know now if I hadn't..
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    (Original post by notkeen2001)
    Thanks, Lily! Much appreciated.

    I still feel pretty bad for snooping on her chat with him though, however, I wouldn't of known what I know now if I hadn't..
    I see people write “oh that’s bad, oh you shouldn’t do that” etc etc all the time. Frankly, most people discover they’ve been cheated on this way as let’s face it, people aren’t going to be upfront about it! I don’t support it, but when it needs to be done sometimes it’s the only way you can find peace! No worries though, can’t be nice especially at a stressful time like college!
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    (Original post by Lily048)
    I see people write “oh that’s bad, oh you shouldn’t do that” etc etc all the time. Frankly, most people discover they’ve been cheated on this way as let’s face it, people aren’t going to be upfront about it! I don’t support it, but when it needs to be done sometimes it’s the only way you can find peace! No worries though, can’t be nice especially at a stressful time like college!
    I'm not proud of it, but it was the only way, I suppose
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    I hope you work it out with her in the end.
    She probably isn't doing anything, but you're right to have your wits about you.
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    (Original post by Adz2042)
    I hope you work it out with her in the end.
    She probably isn't doing anything, but you're right to have your wits about you.
    Thanks man!
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    I think you're right to be concerned. This guy has a bad past with girls and he's showing warning signs again. Maybe you shouldn't have snooped through your girlfriend's phone but I'm guessing she didn't tell you because she doesn't want to think of him as a potential threat rather than because she's cheating with him.
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    (Original post by bones-mccoy)
    I think you're right to be concerned. This guy has a bad past with girls and he's showing warning signs again. Maybe you shouldn't have snooped through your girlfriend's phone but I'm guessing she didn't tell you because she doesn't want to think of him as a potential threat rather than because she's cheating with him.
    Oh I agree, I feel very very very guilty about going on her phone chats, but she wouldn't of told me/I wouldn't of found out any other way.
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    Okay, OP here, got some updates. Not much, but still a little more suspicsion.

    Like I said, we've always been fine, no arguments (aside jokey teasing ones) and no issues. Today we were both in college as we both had a full schedule. During my lunch hour, when we'd agreed to meet in the foyer/main area where students hang out in college, I was waiting for her at a table our group regularly sit at, with our group of friends. She walks in, looks DIRECTLY at me!...Then walks over to the guy I'm concerned about and sits with him for the entire break until she goes back to lessons and I go back to mine.


    WHAAAAAAAAAAT?!.......

    What is happening. I'm so confused.
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    this mother****er
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    (Original post by realrealimran)
    this mother****er
    Tell me about it
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    Okay! OP here.

    In college right now, I get out of my lessons and go and meet her in the foyer/place where all the students hang out area I mentioned.

    Sidenote: We're both in this drama production at college

    She looks up at me coming through the door, waits for me to come and sit down, she looks at me and says

    "Oh *name of the boy I'm concerned about will be joining us for rehearsal today*

    He has never acted nor expressed his desire to act.w

    what
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    That chloroform comment is seriously messed up.

    I second realrealimran's comment about this guy and as someone else said, ask if you can join her workouts. I think you're right to be concerned, he sounds like a right piece of work
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    Hmmm I think she might be cheating on you with him. Just reading it seems like she might be cheating on you but I may be wrong.
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    This might be a stupid suggestion but is it possible she's acting this way with this guy to provoke a reaction out of you? Maybe she's looking for you to get all protective or something, for whatever reason her motivations might be for that. Maybe if this persists have a quiet word with this guy, tell him he's making you uncomfortable and you'd appreciate it if he backed off your girlfriend a bit. Obviously tell her you told him these things because if she found out from him she'd be angry.
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    It is possible. I mean, she does know I'm uncomfortable with him. Maybe she is just trying to get a rise out of me
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    I don't think it'd be wise to have a quiet word with him. I know this guys history and he'd make it out like he was a victim or form some sob story out of it. The only thing I think is plausible is to just leave it to my girlfriend. If she really loves and respects me she won't do anything. I mean, I feel *****y. But whatever, I'll see what happens and keep updating.
 
 
 
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