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I love my boyfriend and someone else.. watch

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    Hey, I will probably sound like an awful person for asking about this but I really just don’t know what to do..

    My boyfriend and I met at college half a year ago where we are still studying together. He is one of my best friends and I care for him dearly. I don’t think I have ever met anyone sweeter, and he cares about me so much which makes this all so much worse.

    But I also have a best friend let’s call him “Daniel” that I’ve known for over three years now who I’ve always had feelings for but never felt “ready” enough to act on them. I know that he feels the same way because at the start of our friendship he asked me out I just didn’t feel comfortable enough yet. We get along perfectly and we couldn’t be more similar. We have the exact same sense of humour and we are never not having a great time together. We have a flirtyish relationship but we have never been physical or acted on it. But recently our friendship has become more intense and we see each other more often, and the feelings are becoming impossible to deny. It’s not like Daniel is more attractive psychically than my boyfriend or anything so it’s not even a lustful attraction.

    The feelings I have towards my boyfriend and Daniel though are so different. It feels like me and my boyfriend have been married for 10 years. I never felt “butterflies” around him really, even at the start but I do care for him dearly and love him and can’t imagine my life without him. But with Daniel it’s always been exciting. My boyfriend couldn’t be more loving and kind though, there is nothing wrong with him, he’s perfect, and there’s nothing wrong with our relationship, maybe just something wrong with me. I feel like whoever I chose I will regret. I’ll never meet a guy as kind as my boyfriend but I’ll never meet someone as similar as Daniel. I’m 20 by the way so I’m not really young and over exaggerating the situation. I just don’t know what to do. Daniel won’t be around forever and I feel like I’ll regret it forever if I let him go, but cheating just isn’t an option obviously. I’m not even sure if I could be sexual with Daniel so it could end up being such a regret leaving my boyfriend for something I’m not certain about. He loves me so much and I feel so awful for even having feelings about someone else.

    I was thinking about going on a break with my boyfriend but I’m sure that’s fair on him and I’m not even sure about my reasons for going on a break..

    Not sure what I’m even asking now, I just need advise...and ideally not advise that feels me in an awful person because I always feel bad about it.
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    You love your boyfriend, but are you "in love" with him?

    In terms of Daniel, how are your feelings towards him? Rather than falling for him, it might be that you are bored in your current relationship and he represents something new and exciting. Has he ever confessed feelings to you?
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    It would be really *****y of you to dump your lovely boyfriend to go out with a friend who he trusted you to be around with. Do you realize the heartbreak & long-term trust issues that you will cause the poor guy?

    My vote: Leave your boyfriend and go out with neither guy (for a long time). Clearly your current relationship lacks more genuine fundamental chemistry (and that isn't going to change). But you likewise shouldn't leave someone just so that you can immediately get with someone else. Only after you have separated from your boyfriend (and actually separated, not just some lame-ass "break"!) for at least a couple of months should you start dating again and considering this friend as an actual relationship option.

    If I was single and a guy I liked suddenly dumped his girlfriend to be with me, as much as I liked him, I would no longer respect him as much (for doing that to his girlfriend). Such behaviour is very duplicitous and scheming (infidelity of the heart beginning long before the actual break up) and I just couldn't trust someone like that.
    Every relationship goes through trials and tribulations, and the last thing you want to worry about during such times is that the person you've signed up to being in a committed relationship with, if someone who has been known to jump ship whenever they see a better deal!

    Leave your boyfriend not because your heart is straying, but because its not right to keep on kidding yourself and himself that you're genuinely interested in being with him long-term. You're duping the guy. At the very least your "lovely" boyfriend deserves to have the chance to go off and find someone who will love him as much as you do your friend (does he not deserve that?).
    • #2
    #2

    I completely agree with feastful, it speak volumes when you dump someone just because you think you found a better deal. In your case, you really could be bored with your current relationship and want some excitement but leaving your boyfriend to have an adventure with your best friend and then it not working out, you're going to feel like ****. Do you really see a future with your boyfriend? Do you want to marry him and have a family? If you can't answer those questions than maybe you are not ready to be in a long term relationship because at your age, people start to date to find a potential partner, not everyone but most and it wouldn't be fair to your boyfriend if he sees you as a future wife and you are crushing on your best friend.
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    If your boyfriend is so good to you, why would you give that up for your friend who may be the exciting but 'bad boy' persona?
    Yeah, you may be thinking you'll regret not getting with 'Daniel' but you do have a boyfriend who loves and cares for you, and wouldn't do anything to hurt you.
    I'd hate to be the boyfriend in this, because it would feel as though he was giving you all the attention, love and care a good bf should do, and your mind is thinking of doing the naughty with 'Daniel' instead of your bf.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    only read the title. im gonna point the obvious op you're a slut
    And you're a massive idiot, or you've either been cheated on or a virgin.
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hey, I will probably sound like an awful person for asking about this but I really just don’t know what to do..

    My boyfriend and I met at college half a year ago where we are still studying together. He is one of my best friends and I care for him dearly. I don’t think I have ever met anyone sweeter, and he cares about me so much which makes this all so much worse.

    But I also have a best friend let’s call him “Daniel” that I’ve known for over three years now who I’ve always had feelings for but never felt “ready” enough to act on them. I know that he feels the same way because at the start of our friendship he asked me out I just didn’t feel comfortable enough yet. We get along perfectly and we couldn’t be more similar. We have the exact same sense of humour and we are never not having a great time together. We have a flirtyish relationship but we have never been physical or acted on it. But recently our friendship has become more intense and we see each other more often, and the feelings are becoming impossible to deny. It’s not like Daniel is more attractive psychically than my boyfriend or anything so it’s not even a lustful attraction.

    The feelings I have towards my boyfriend and Daniel though are so different. It feels like me and my boyfriend have been married for 10 years. I never felt “butterflies” around him really, even at the start but I do care for him dearly and love him and can’t imagine my life without him. But with Daniel it’s always been exciting. My boyfriend couldn’t be more loving and kind though, there is nothing wrong with him, he’s perfect, and there’s nothing wrong with our relationship, maybe just something wrong with me. I feel like whoever I chose I will regret. I’ll never meet a guy as kind as my boyfriend but I’ll never meet someone as similar as Daniel. I’m 20 by the way so I’m not really young and over exaggerating the situation. I just don’t know what to do. Daniel won’t be around forever and I feel like I’ll regret it forever if I let him go, but cheating just isn’t an option obviously. I’m not even sure if I could be sexual with Daniel so it could end up being such a regret leaving my boyfriend for something I’m not certain about. He loves me so much and I feel so awful for even having feelings about someone else.

    I was thinking about going on a break with my boyfriend but I’m sure that’s fair on him and I’m not even sure about my reasons for going on a break..

    Not sure what I’m even asking now, I just need advise...and ideally not advise that feels me in an awful person because I always feel bad about it.
    How often do you see this Daniel boy?
    • #4
    #4

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hey, I will probably sound like an awful person for asking about this but I really just don’t know what to do..

    My boyfriend and I met at college half a year ago where we are still studying together. He is one of my best friends and I care for him dearly. I don’t think I have ever met anyone sweeter, and he cares about me so much which makes this all so much worse.

    But I also have a best friend let’s call him “Daniel” that I’ve known for over three years now who I’ve always had feelings for but never felt “ready” enough to act on them. I know that he feels the same way because at the start of our friendship he asked me out I just didn’t feel comfortable enough yet. We get along perfectly and we couldn’t be more similar. We have the exact same sense of humour and we are never not having a great time together. We have a flirtyish relationship but we have never been physical or acted on it. But recently our friendship has become more intense and we see each other more often, and the feelings are becoming impossible to deny. It’s not like Daniel is more attractive psychically than my boyfriend or anything so it’s not even a lustful attraction.

    The feelings I have towards my boyfriend and Daniel though are so different. It feels like me and my boyfriend have been married for 10 years. I never felt “butterflies” around him really, even at the start but I do care for him dearly and love him and can’t imagine my life without him. But with Daniel it’s always been exciting. My boyfriend couldn’t be more loving and kind though, there is nothing wrong with him, he’s perfect, and there’s nothing wrong with our relationship, maybe just something wrong with me. I feel like whoever I chose I will regret. I’ll never meet a guy as kind as my boyfriend but I’ll never meet someone as similar as Daniel. I’m 20 by the way so I’m not really young and over exaggerating the situation. I just don’t know what to do. Daniel won’t be around forever and I feel like I’ll regret it forever if I let him go, but cheating just isn’t an option obviously. I’m not even sure if I could be sexual with Daniel so it could end up being such a regret leaving my boyfriend for something I’m not certain about. He loves me so much and I feel so awful for even having feelings about someone else.

    I was thinking about going on a break with my boyfriend but I’m sure that’s fair on him and I’m not even sure about my reasons for going on a break..

    Not sure what I’m even asking now, I just need advise...and ideally not advise that feels me in an awful person because I always feel bad about it.
    Oooh snap🤭 I know ya’ll🤣🤣🤣
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    (Original post by Feastful)
    It would be really *****y of you to dump your lovely boyfriend to go out with a friend who he trusted you to be around with. Do you realize the heartbreak & long-term trust issues that you will cause the poor guy?

    My vote: Leave your boyfriend and go out with neither guy (for a long time). Clearly your current relationship lacks more genuine fundamental chemistry (and that isn't going to change). But you likewise shouldn't leave someone just so that you can immediately get with someone else. Only after you have separated from your boyfriend (and actually separated, not just some lame-ass "break"!) for at least a couple of months should you start dating again and considering this friend as an actual relationship option.

    If I was single and a guy I liked suddenly dumped his girlfriend to be with me, as much as I liked him, I would no longer respect him as much (for doing that to his girlfriend). Such behaviour is very duplicitous and scheming (infidelity of the heart beginning long before the actual break up) and I just couldn't trust someone like that.
    Every relationship goes through trials and tribulations, and the last thing you want to worry about during such times is that you've signed up to being in a committed relationship with, if someone who has been known to jump ship whenever they see a better deal!

    Leave your boyfriend not because your heart is straying, but because its not right to keep on kidding yourself and himself that you're genuinely interested in being with him long-term. You're duping the guy. At the very least your "lovely" boyfriend deserves to have the chance to go off and find someone who will love him as much as you do your friend (does he not deserve that?).
    This is what happened to me at University. Ex gf cheated on me with my best friend.

    It'l give him a dose of realism that most people are ***** lmao. It's good if OP dumps her boyfriend cus she's not good for him. People with good morals need to stick together and people with bad morals need to find each other and leave the rest of us in peace lol.
    • #4
    #4

    (Original post by ChickenMadness)
    This is what happened to me at University. Ex gf cheated on me with my best friend.

    It'l give him a dose of realism that most people are ***** lmao. It's good if OP dumps her boyfriend cus she's not good for him. People with good morals need to stick together and people with bad morals need to find each other and leave the rest of us in peace lol.
    H**s will be Ho*s
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    “Choose the 2nd, because you would have never had batted an eye if you loved the first”
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    (Original post by ChickenMadness)
    This is what happened to me at University. Ex gf cheated on me with my best friend.

    It'l give him a dose of realism that most people are ***** lmao. It's good if OP dumps her boyfriend cus she's not good for him. People with good morals need to stick together and people with bad morals need to find each other and leave the rest of us in peace lol.
    Lol damn, really heavy times with your ex.

    ---

    You should dump your BF for his sake lol. He shouldn't have to unwittingly deal with this shite, you clearly like the other guy. For your current Bf's sake, dump so he can find someone better for him.
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    The way you write... sounds like a play. Are you posh?
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    if you are going to be having issues getting sexual with Daniel I can’t see anything with him lasting particularly long unless he’s a eunuch.

    That said being interested in another guy whilst you’re with someone doesn’t spell well for your relationship with your boyfriend either. Something must be wrong on a fundamental level if you’ve ended up loving someone else. Do you think it’s gone stale maybe?
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    Sounds more like lust on the part of your best friend Daniel - the thrill of not having what you want, I guess, but maybe you're clinging to your boyfriend because it's a safe option as opposed to risking your friendship with Daniel. He doesn't have to be better looking for it to be a lustful attraction.

    Honestly, I think it's pretty *****y to take a break from your bf just to see how your feelings changed. I've been on the receiving end of my ex liking someone else. Makes you feel worthless. You might be best stopping seeing them both for a while to see how you feel, but try not to toy with their emotions.

    I'd feel pretty **** if I seen my partner be flirty with their best friend.
 
 
 
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