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Mixing Work & Friendship - Thoughts? watch

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    At uni I’ve always had friends of some sort - not loads just a small group (whether it be housemates or coursemates).
    In final year I’ve noticed having course friends becomes particularly hard because you essentially mix the uni work in with trying to maintain a good quality friendship. I can almost sense there is competitiveness or at least an underlying ‘something’ that’s making being friends with people you are working alongside against quite difficult.

    E.g you do an assignment, you get a 1st, they get a 2:2 - are they really going to be happy for you deep down?
    E.g you are both doing the same assignment but you need help, there’s almost a sense of reluctance to give it to you because they don’t want to give you an advantage over them.

    This is just a thought, I personally find it quite trying to be nearing the end of University and feel like you have to maintain these friendships for the sake of it when (being blunt) they are essentially your competition at the end of the day.

    Just wanted to put that out there

    (P.S: this is just One perspective, I think it’s actually quite common to think this way but people are reluctant to say because they want to believe it isn’t the case)
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    (Original post by Lily048)
    At uni I’ve always had friends of some sort - not loads just a small group (whether it be housemates or coursemates).
    In final year I’ve noticed having course friends becomes particularly hard because you essentially mix the uni work in with trying to maintain a good quality friendship. I can almost sense there is competitiveness or at least an underlying ‘something’ that’s making being friends with people you are working alongside against quite difficult.

    E.g you do an assignment, you get a 1st, they get a 2:2 - are they really going to be happy for you deep down?
    E.g you are both doing the same assignment but you need help, there’s almost a sense of reluctance to give it to you because they don’t want to give you an advantage over them.

    This is just a thought, I personally find it quite trying to be nearing the end of University and feel like you have to maintain these friendships for the sake of it when (being blunt) they are essentially your competition at the end of the day.

    Just wanted to put that out there

    (P.S: this is just One perspective, I think it’s actually quite common to think this way but people are reluctant to say because they want to believe it isn’t the case)
    Thought this was going to be about relationships at work.

    I can honestly say my friendships got better and I wished only the best for them. For the ones on my course, then I didnt regard them as competition and I wanted them to all do well. We werent all taking the same subjects or options. Theres a lot bigger world out there of people and students who are your competition They cant really be true friends if you think of them in that way.


    I find your views odd.
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Thought this was going to be about relationships at work.

    I can honestly say my friendships got better and I wished only the best for them. For the ones on my course, then I didnt regard them as competition and I wanted them to all do well. We werent all taking the same subjects or options. Theres a lot bigger world out there of people and students who are your competition They cant really be true friends if you think of them in that way.


    I find your views odd.
    It’s not “odd”, it’s quite common. It’s why I don’t necessarily consider them friends and more acquaintances. I want EVERYONE to do well. Truly. But it’s the response back from people that suggests they don’t wish the same for me that triggers such thoughts.
    You’d be surprised how many friendships amongst courses (ones that take the same modules may I add) that may think “they are more like acquaintances than true friends”.
    I’m not saying that’s the case for ALL people - that would be bizarre. But when the stakes are high, the setting is intense, the financial implications are looming and the economy the way it is, people will form these competitive streaks with one another and before long have distanced themselves from the ‘friendship’ they had in the first place.
    I don’t care how anyone does at University. I’m there for me and me alone. If everyone succeeds great. If they don’t then that’s okay too, but I’m there as a solo individual to get a degree I’m paying for (and a lot I might add). So why would it be so bad to see people in a different light? It’s not high school where it was messing about and taking things for granted. It’s serious education and one that has serious repercussions.
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    (Original post by Lily048)
    It’s not “odd”, it’s quite common. It’s why I don’t necessarily consider them friends and more acquaintances. I want EVERYONE to do well. Truly. But it’s the response back from people that suggests they don’t wish the same for me that triggers such thoughts.
    You’d be surprised how many friendships amongst courses (ones that take the same modules may I add) that may think “they are more like acquaintances than true friends”.
    I’m not saying that’s the case for ALL people - that would be bizarre. But when the stakes are high, the setting is intense, the financial implications are looming and the economy the way it is, people will form these competitive streaks with one another and before long have distanced themselves from the ‘friendship’ they had in the first place.
    I don’t care how anyone does at University. I’m there for me and me alone. If everyone succeeds great. If they don’t then that’s okay too, but I’m there as a solo individual to get a degree I’m paying for (and a lot I might add). So why would it be so bad to see people in a different light? It’s not high school where it was messing about and taking things for granted. It’s serious education and one that has serious repercussions.
    Not something I have ever thought about. You must have had different friends. The reason is , it's a big world and your results don't affect your friends. What would I care if someone got a first and i was only a 2:2, that would be my fault. Not a cause to get envious, jealous or resentful. They are meant to be your friends.
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Not something I have ever thought about. You must have had different friends. The reason is , it's a big world and your results don't affect your friends. What would I care if someone got a first and i was only a 2:2, that would be my fault. Not a cause to get envious, jealous or resentful. They are meant to be your friends.
    I didn’t say I’d hate someone if I got a 2:2 and they got a first. I’m not acting differently WITH people, it’s a persona that is coming from them. If I got a 2:2 and they got a first of hope they’d be there for me but as it is the way it is sometimes with universities, you may not always get that friendly shoulder you’d expect in a different setting - like a family member or partner. Also a 2:2 isn’t exactly a ‘fault’ - people try their absolute best and still get 2:2s whilst some coast and get firsts, unfair? Yes. But would I resent someone? No. But I would still be aware of the competition regardless.
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Not something I have ever thought about. You must have had different friends. The reason is , it's a big world and your results don't affect your friends. What would I care if someone got a first and i was only a 2:2, that would be my fault. Not a cause to get envious, jealous or resentful. They are meant to be your friends.
    Yes, this is my thinking, too.
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    (Original post by Lily048)
    I didn’t say I’d hate someone if I got a 2:2 and they got a first. I’m not acting differently WITH people, it’s a persona that is coming from them. If I got a 2:2 and they got a first of hope they’d be there for me but as it is the way it is sometimes with universities, you may not always get that friendly shoulder you’d expect in a different setting - like a family member or partner. Also a 2:2 isn’t exactly a ‘fault’ - people try their absolute best and still get 2:2s whilst some coast and get firsts, unfair? Yes. But would I resent someone? No. But I would still be aware of the competition regardless.
    The reason I wouldnt regard them as being competition is because my effort is measured against the exam and there arent a finite number of firsts or 2:1s etc.

    Their job applications are unlikely to affect me and there is enough competition from 100 other unis plus the rest of the world for them to be any different. They have virtually no bearing on my life as someone who will affect my future in terms of exam results.

    There was a thread last month about whether you would be upset if you shared with someone about a job you had found and really wanted and then once friend A found out they applied for it as well without telling you. I thought that was disloyal and impolite.
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    I can't really relate - I only had about 6 mates at uni and they're still some of my closest mates now. I was older when I went so I already had my circle of mates that I saw every week and went and watched bands with etc, wasn't there to make friends. But I never saw anyone else as competition - my only competition was myself. Really could not give a shite what anyone else got in exams or essays etc.
 
 
 
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